He Said / She Said with Robin and Shawn

Dear HSSS,
My 17-year-old daughter got a texting-while-driving ticket. I swear she always has that cell phone in her hand, and I’m afraid someday she’s going to get into more trouble than just a ticket. I want to make sure the message gets through and that she learns a real lesson from this. What are your suggestions on driving the point home? ~Susanna in Pleasanton

He Said: By now everyone knows that texting while driving is waaay wrong so your teenage daughter can’t use ignorance in her defense. She endangered her life and the lives of others on the road, so in this situation there’s only one sure-fire way to drive the point home with your teenager…. temporarily take away either her car or her cell phone. I recommend taking away her driving privileges because if you take away her phone, she can easily get a new one without your knowledge. About 3-4 weeks should do it, and let her know if this happens again, the car disappears for a year.176967464

She Said: Man, that’s harsh, Shawn, but desperate times call for desperate measures, and we don’t want to wait for something worse to happen before taking it seriously. However, if zero tolerance isn’t your parenting style, Susanna, then start with making your daughter pay the ticket, of course, and then imposing the phone check rule every time she uses the car. You’re looking for the time stamp, which may indicate if she was texting while driving. Do it regularly at first, then without notice now and again. It’s a hassle for everyone, but the inconvenience should break this dangerous habit.

Dear SSHS,
I’ve realized that one of my best friends has turned into a “fair weather friend.” He only calls me when he needs something but doesn’t pick up the phone or return messages when I call him, even if it’s just to say hello. We’ve been great friends for 15 years, but now I feel the friendship is going down a one-way street. What’s the best way to let him know this friendship is no longer working for me?
~Darren in Dublin

She Said: I hear your pain, but let’s not be hasty. You’ve been friends a long time, and those relationships can be hard to find. Your buddy may have no idea how insensitive he’s being. A good friend will tell him, and the best way to begin is by making the problem yours rather than accusing him of wrongdoing. Explain that you feel bad when he only calls for a favor and that it hurts when he doesn’t return your calls. Then ask if he was aware this was happening? If not, and he apologizes and aims to fix it, that would be better than abandoning the friendship. If he really doesn’t seem to care about the one-way street, then maybe it is time to let it go.

He Said: Welcome to the club, Darren. We’ve all had a friend like this in our lives, one who doesn’t value the friendship the same as the other. These people can feel like a cancer, really weighing you down. Robin has a point that communicating your concerns is the first step to solving problems in any relationship, but I would keep this friend on a very short leash. If you’re still unsatisfied with the friendship once you’ve gotten to the bottom of the issue, it’s time to cut him loose. Friendships can run their course, and life’s way too short to waste driving down that one-way street.HeSaidSheSaidgraphic

Robin Fahr and Shawn Shizzo host Conversations and He Said/She Said seen daily on Tri-Valley TV, Channel 30. Send your questions to www.AskHeSaidSheSaid.com.

OUTSMART Unhealthy Sugar Cravings

It’s October and here we are again—the month when Halloween candy temptations are lurking around most every corner. Oi vey, if you’re like me, with a giant “sweet tooth” that dates back to early childhood, then this time of year can be really challenging. To avoid giving into sugar cravings (and gaining excess weight), how about you join me in gearing up with tools to help you OUTSMART unhealthy temptations? 452217645

So, instead of simply drumming your fingers trying to decide if you should visit the Halloween candy bowl…again… you might consider adding EFT “tapping” to your “self-care” tool kit. Now, in case you’ve not heard of it—or seen it featured on Dr. Oz’s website—EFT stands for Emotional Freedom Technique.

The good news is, EFT is a simple tool to learn, and for many people, this technique is a powerful way to reduce unhealthy food cravings (and stress). EFT consists of gentle fingertip tapping at specific places on the body that align with a person’s acupuncture meridian points. So, the acupuncture meridian points are stimulated without the use of needles.

To give you a bit of historical background, Stanford engineer Gary Craig developed EFT to assist people in reducing or clearing emotional pain and negativity that may have fueled their fears and self-destructive behaviors. Now, after teaching clients how to use EFT on themselves for the past ten years in my private practice—I must admit—I am a big fan of this tool. For this reason, I often teach EFT to people who want to release habits such as overeating, nail biting, or cigarette smoking.

For instance, I taught EFT to Carey (a thirty-year-old woman) whose medical doctor referred her to me after Carey’s weight escalated to an unhealthy level. During our first session, Carey confessed (while staring at the floor) that she’d been eating fast food—a super-sized cheeseburger, fries, and a shake—multiple times throughout her week (for the past several years). Then, most every evening after supper, she’d watch TV while nibbling foods…that were drenched in sugar, salt, and fat.

I explained to Carey that overeating high levels of sugar, salt, and fat can create addictive cycles. For example, former U.S. Food and Drug Administrator David Kessler, M.D., explains how foods high in sugar, salt, and fat alter the brain’s chemistry by creating a release of powerful chemicals, such as dopamine and natural pain-killing substances called opioids. Surprisingly, these are the very same chemicals that are released when people are addicted to alcohol, cigarette smoking, and drugs.

After Carey gained a clear “intellectual understanding” of why her unhealthy food cravings had gotten out of control, we addressed her junk-food addiction during three EFT sessions. Between sessions, Carey used EFT on her own. As a result, Carey was pleased to see her weight begin to go down, while her self-esteem…began to go up!

In addition to weight loss, when doctors or psychologists send referrals to me, I often teach my clients how to use EFT for the following personal challenges:

• Stress

• Anxiety & insomnia

• Public speaking fear • Cigarette smoking

• Life transitions: Career change or empty nest

Finally, if the idea of adding EFT to your stress-reducing “repertoire” sounds appealing, then call or email me today. After all, you might be surprised to find that EFT’s tapping—to release pent-up emotions and OUTSMART unhealthy sugar cravings—is much more productive than reaching for the alluring Halloween candy! In fact, after experiencing the gifts of EFT, you just may be happy that…you let your fingers do the “tapping!”

Trina’s Upcoming Events:

1) Managing Emotional and Compulsive Eating: A one-evening workshop for women & men—at John Muir Women’s Health Center in Walnut Creek. Learn how to tame your “Inner Critic” & connect with your “Inner Motivator!” Thursday, Oct 16, 6:30-8:30 pm. Fee: $40 (includes self-hypnosis for weight loss: 2-CD set). Register today: (925) 941-7900 option 3.

2) Weight Loss Groups: INSPIRING groups are now forming! Receive holistic, leading-edge tools (EFT and self-hypnosis) while getting heartfelt support from Trina. Get ready to “lighten up”—from the inside out—and have some FUN in the process…after all, belly laughs DO burn calories! Email for details: info@TrinaSwerdlow.com

Trina Swerdlow, BFA, CCHT, is a Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist, an author and artist. She has a private practice in downtown Danville. You can reach her at: (925) 285.5759, or info@TrinaSwerdlow.com.

Certified Clinical Hypnotherapy services in California can be alternative or complementary to licensed healing arts, such as psychotherapy.

Name and client details changed to protect confidentiality.

ALIVE: More Than a Magazine

Next month we will celebrate our anniversary—nine terrific years of unique content that you won’t find in any other lifestyle magazine. Nine years of providing advertisers with a magazine with an unmatched shelf life. What do I mean by “shelf life,” and why does that matter to advertisers?”

The other I picked-up a perfectly good copy of the November 2009 ALIVE (our Tanzanian Connection issue) in the lobby of a local business. They were keeping it because they really liked the cover and the content. Some advertisers in that issue, which no longer appear in current issues of ALIVE, are still benefiting from their ads in that issue—now, five years later. And this is not uncommon, as we frequently discover copies of ALIVE that are several years old, still in circulation, so to speak.

If you’ve been reading ALIVE for any time at all, you’re probably aware of the fact that we offer a number of other 91407072services, outside of the magazine itself. It’s likely that you know we also publish books—ALIVE Book Publishing (www.AliveBookPublishing.com), but do you also know ALIVE offers a number of other media-related products and services?

How about website design and maintenance, search engine marketing (SEM) and search engine optimization (SEO), and social media management? And then there’s video production and cable television advertising on Comcast. ALIVE can handle all of these as stand-alone services, or in economical, bundled marketing packages.

Did you also know that ALIVE is partnered with an exciting new website and mobile application called The Talk Pod? If you haven’t already explored the site, be sure to do so—it’s amazing… and it’s free! (www.TheTalkPod.com and find “thetalkpod” in the Apple App Store).

And, speaking of “apps,” that’s another service we offer—mobile application development. ALIVE can create and launch a customized mobile application for you, again, either as a stand-alone product, or as part of a comprehensive, bundled marketing package.

The sign on our building says it all: Magazine, Web, Video, TV, Book Publishing. Whether you own a business or are simply an individual with a message that you’d like to communicate—remember, ALIVE is much more than a magazine!

We Just Can’t Stop Talking the Problem of Domestic Violence

I’m trying to make sense of an email I have gotten. This guy was pretty unhappy with the media and had picked me to vent, as well as probably other people in my business. He had been hitting in The Talk Pod and on the fill in programs I’ve been doing on Talk 910 in the Bay Area. He couldn’t understand why, we the media, and me in particular continued to talk about domestic violence in the NFL. He said that these were a few isolated incidents and that they had been taken care of, and that Ray and Janay Rice were married for goodness sake. And that it, domestic violence I’m assuming he means, goes on all the time in our society.491959925

Well I’m going to answer you publicly. The only question is whether I should be nice, or shout… You have answered your own question, you Neanderthal, without knowing it. I think I’ll be nice and try to explain again.

As we learn more and more about domestic violence in the NFL, we learn we need to do more there. Harry Edwards, the famed, sociologist and consultant to the 49ers for over twenty years, says he warned the league that domestic violence would be the issue that could tarnish the league in years to come. So here we are… years to come is now. He actually sat down with Roger Goodell about eight years ago and repeated himself. Nothing happened. And it appears, Goodell even held on to evidence in the Rice case until the very disturbing videos were made public.

Furthermore, there is a another report saying there have been 56 domestic abuse allegations against NFL players since Goodell became commissioner.

Another report, ESPN, says the arrest rate for domestic violence among NFL players is over 50% higher than the national average.

It is a confluence of power and celebrity, the nature of the game, the lingering affect of concussions and alcohol. Edwards says alcohol, not steroid rage, or any other drugs is a chief cause of abuse issues in the NFL.

When you look at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention figures that one in three women in the United States have been victim to physical abuse, it is stark and nauseating. When you put in the multiples in the NFL, it is atrocious. It is unacceptable.

What is going to change the paradigm? For the NFL, sponsors, decline in revenue. It started to happen to the NBA Clippers during the Donald Sterling affair. It should happen now. It has already started, it should continue.

This is not a one time, short attention span issue. We live in a world where we watch international atrocities with horror. We have a serious problem within our borders, within one of our favorite pastimes, and within one in three abused women’s lives in our homes.

We cannot stop talking about it. We have to start doing more about it. We need to start helping the abused and those abusers. We need to stop turning the other way. It is not acceptable for partners to physically abuse each other. We can’t stop talking about it and working on it, until it stops……period.

Only that makes sense.

Ed Baxter is a regular contributor to TheTalkPod.com.

Stamps In My Passport

When putting together these brief travel vignettes for ALIVE, I try to share some small interaction with people of other countries – cameos that you, my readers, might have experienced. Or, at least ones that you might be able to identify with. I hope over the years I’ve been successful with this policy. This month, however, I plan to deviate and use an unusual style to highlight a new difficulty that is developing for us – the regular international travelers. The problem we face has a plus and a minus factor. I hope you’ll be able to identify with the two extremes and maybe share the method you’ve used to circumnavigate the problem. Oh, I forgot to identify the problem, so here it is: Where in the world can we go these days to assure a safe and comfortable, yet affordable trip?Untitled-1

The other day while watching a news broadcast, the host flashed up a map of the world with countries represented by various color combinations. The countries where fighting exists between varying religious factions came up red. There were quite a few. Certainly the Middle East was covered in red. The Israel/Palestine area is in turmoil. The Sunnis and Shiites are battling each other, making Afghanistan, Syria, and Iraq areas to avoid. Pakistan, never much of a tourist site, can be included here.

So what about Africa? Well, the red was a bit muted and came out pink. But with the incidence of Ebola, the western part of the continent is not an option. Egypt is struggling to regain tourists, but there is still constant fighting between the Muslim Brotherhood and other factions. The so-called “horn” is being run by wild men, and a few other spots showed up pink as well.

Asia appeared with both Thailand and Myanmar a faded pink, having just undergone ruler changes and occasional uprisings. South America revealed the lightest shade of red on Venezuela, and a couple of other nations displayed rosy blotches

I could go on, but I think you get the idea. In fact I’ll bet you might be able to add some countries to the list that I’ve omitted. But, I did say in my introduction that there is a plus and a minus. Let’s focus for a minute on the plus.

Air travel to any place in the world has become easier. Sure, the inspections at the airport generate frustration, and the lines go on forever. We older people can keep our shoes and jackets on which helps a bit. Both passengers and inspectors have years of experience now, so this passage seems almost routine. Flights in general are more comfortable these days as well. In most cases you can travel directly to your destination, and often the flight time is shorter as the planes are a bit faster.

So where does all of this confusion and uncertainty leave us? Well for one thing, if you are traveling abroad pick a country or an area that is currently stable. Or the converse – avoid areas that are at war, in revolt, or going through some other turmoil. Next, hunt for areas where history, art, or scenery will give you pleasure. The topics transcend time, and difficulties may fade into the background. Many works of art have given locals and tourists pleasure for centuries. The sights enrich your life and may give you stories to share.

Me? I’ve made a selection for my next offshore excursion. It will remain a secret until next month when it will become a story in ALIVE for you to read, and hopefully enjoy.

Santa Cruz Ale Works

Today we take another trip. Not quite as far as we have gone in the past (LA or Oregon), so therefore, more accessible to the day-tripper!

First a couple of nods to the facets that led myself, with family in tow, to the Santa Cruz Ale Works. First: My son’s love of trains (he gets it from his Pop). My son turned two in early September, which required a trip to the full size train Mecca that is Roaring Camp. If you haven’t gone, you should. It’s stepping back in time to a more sensory visceral era.
Second: My wife’s, as well as my, desire to never feed our children a hot dog.
And Third: The app “Food Tripping”. This app is for the people on the go that abhor the thought of stopping at Carl’s Junior, Burger King, or Taco Bell to refuel. The app points out the gems behind these neon behemoths. The year round farmers markets, the vegetarian restaurants, the artisan beer/coffee places.

Food Tripping brought us to the doors of Ale Works. Otherwise it is safe to say that we would have never known it existed.

Santa Cruz Ale Works rests as the last door on a line of industrial, non-conformist office buildings. If not for the app and the well-placed a-frames leading up to the property, we would have assumed we were very lost. Turns out that we were exactly where we wanted to be.

We struck at the vegetarian options on Food Tripping. The front (restaurant portion) of the brewery was small and make shift. Chandeliers made from sawed off kegs. Cement floor and picnic tables inside. A tall and perfectly accented 7-10 person L-shape bar, and a large screen television bringing me up to date on everything that had been happening week one in the NFL.

We were enthusiastically welcomed with the other 6 patrons there, by barkeep Adam. This was our first taste of just how Santa Cruz this place is. Laid back, positive energy and again…extremely welcoming. I had the general sense that personal interaction is a natural talent of Adam and he is right where he should be to add to the success of this nonchalant place.

Shortly after we placed our order of a Veggie Sando, Mediterranean wrap and a mess of homemade pickles, we were served and further greeted by GM/Head Chef Jeff. More “Santa Cruz” ensued. He was brief but positive with our interaction until we had a chance to form an opinion on quality, then he returned (not too quick, certainly not too long) to see how we were enjoying our meal. Through a full mouth of fresh vegetables and feta cheese I muttered “AWESOME”. I have said this before, but bears repeating. You can taste homemade, and everything here is homemade. Smoked meats, deviled eggs (daily), fresh baked bread, sauces, krout and the pickles…everything is made in house by Jeff!

Just before we left, but not before an introduction to my plan to include them in Alive Magazine, Marc, the owner made an appearance….on a Sunday! That says a lot!

His story is awesome. Realizing that his degree in communications would be a tough match for his passion to home-brew, he went over the pond to Northern England and the University of Sunderland to achieve a degree in Brewing Technology. Just in case you didn’t know, Europeans know their beer, and now, thanks to them, Marc knows his beer better. He always knew what to do, now he knows the tech.

So this is why Ale Works makes my list. Awesome and fresh food made from scratch on site, great veggie options in addition to regular deli-fare, and above all else…Customer service, and I didn’t even try the beer. A clean and safe place to be with a flip-flop mentality.

I wish this team nothing but continued success!

150 Dubois St. Santa Cruz California, 95060

Fall Fashion

Fall 2014 brings new trends to add to your wardrobe. First, start with the freshest colors: emerald green, rich amethyst, ruby red and the hues shown on the Pantone color chart.Layout 1




Knits: Cashmeres and wool-blend sweaters–will keep you cozy on cold winter nights.grey sweater fall 2014




Silky track pants , the latest look in trousers, are both chic and comfy…what’s not to love about that?track pants

A shearling jacket is perfect for a Lake Tahoe weekend getaway.Womens-Shearling-Coats-and-Sheepskin-Jackets--2014-2015-1

Menswear-inspired slippers are smokin’ hot. That’s why we love “smoking slippers”.Product from the Spring 2014 C.Wonder Look Book photographed on








There are many more trends to explore…pastels, wrap coats, plaid and small, structured handbags. Choose the items that work best for your personal style and your lifestyle, and …

Be well. Dress well.

For style tips and trends, subscribe to Carolyn’s blog at C2style.com/blog or follow her on Facebook (C2 style) and Twitter (shopwithC2style).

FDR: Not a Trivial President

Ken Burns may have outdone himself with the 7 part series on PBS entitled “The Roosevelts.” What a job! Having spent so many of my early years with FDR as president, I thought he would be our president forever. Four terms of office! Can you believe it? Let’s do some FDR.

1. As with all Presidents, FDR threw out the first ball at the beginning of each baseball season for the Washington team in the American League. Although he could not put much on the ball due to his disability, local sportswriters thought he was one of the best pitchers on the woebegone team. The Washington team now is called the Nationals. What were they called in FDR’s time?

2. Just as much a member of their family as Franklin and Eleanor was their little dog. What was his name?

3. FDR was president through troubled years, including the Depression and World War II. He buoyed the spirits of Americans with a regular Friday evening radio show in which he just talked very reassuringly to the people. What was this radio broadcast called?

4. It sits at Jack London Square today. It was the Presidential yacht for FDR. What is its name?

5. We call it Camp David today. It was renamed by Dwight Eisenhower after his son. It is the presidential retreat. What did FDR call it?

6. Campobello Island in New Brunswick was an FDR favorite from childhood. Who played FDR on the stage and in the movie “Sunrise at Campobello?”

All About Brows: What Do Your Eye Brows Say About You?

Throughout history eyebrows have played a significant roll in fashion and identifies the era in which women lived. When we tweeze and define our brows, we are actually taking part in a long, long history of facial grooming. During the Renaissance, women shaved their eyebrows off completely, while the colonial elite in 18th-century America preferred to make their eyebrows more pronounced by adding coal to give them more definition.

More than ever, eyebrows are the focus in beauty today. How to capture the correct brow style for our generation is as important as the right way we update and apply make-up to the eyes and lips.

Eyebrows are a very significant aspect of our appearance. They are one of the most distinctive features that make up our faces. Eyebrows are also one of our most expressive facial features. Brows help us signal emotions, but they’re also on autopilot: as the pitch of your voice rises, so do your eyebrows and visa-versa. Not only do they signal our responses, when you make an expression without thinking, such as when you’re surprised, eyebrows move in a way that’s symmetrical to each other. Conversely, when you make what’s called an, ‘intended’ expression, like suspicion and curiosity, your brows will furrow asymmetrically.

A study done by MIT found that people had more trouble correctly identifying the faces of people they knew when they were presented with images of them missing their eyebrows. Thus, researchers concluded that brows might be more important for facial recognition than the eyes themselves. One of the clearest ways to tell somebody what you’re thinking is to simply move your eyebrows up or down; we all know what different eyebrow positions mean.

Your brows say more about you than you know. According to face experts, the type of eyebrow you have defines who you are. Curved eyebrows indicate someone who is people-oriented and needs real-world examples to understand a problem. While straight eyebrows with a slight arch imply that someone is more direct, factual, and logical, thriving on technical details. Angled eyebrows show someone who likes to be right and strives to be mentally in-control, no matter the situation. Unkempt eyebrows could give a person the persona that he doesn’t care and could be aloof. Happy face eyebrows or rounded eyebrows can make you look mad or mean even if you’re not.

Having your eyebrows shaped professionally is key. Whatever the shape everyone is individually different with their own personality. You cannot find your ideal shape with an eyebrow stencil or by reading a magazine.
Having a professional with expert knowledge and experience in eyebrow shaping is one of the best beauty assets you can have and is as important as washing your face.

Discover your own eyebrow personality by seeing a professional today. So few women know how to shape their own brows but it is one of the most important things you can do. Paying attention to the smallest of details tells a lot about who you are. A Confident, refined, sophisticated, and a modern girl.