I’ve been dating my guy for nearly four years now and really think it’s time we moved the relationship forward. Any ideas on how I might politely let him know that this Valentine’s Day I’d love a ring instead of roses? – Cupid’s Victim, Dublin, CA
She Said: You sound very direct—I’m sure he knows! Guys don’t like to be pushed on this stuff, so if you’ve dropped a few hints, let it go and see what happens. But here’s an idea: It’s Leap Year, which means we get a February 29. It’s tradition that on that day, the woman gets to ask the man to marry her. If there isn’t a little something gold peeking out from under the cherry cordial this Valentine’s Day, you’ve got two weeks to come up with your own proposal. I say, quit waiting and go for it!
He Said: A guy should never be coerced into making a proposal; he either wants to marry you or he doesn’t. Think about it, do you really want a guy to pop the question just because YOU are ready to say “yes?” It should be much more organic than that and happen because this is a big step that you both are ready for. That’s not to say that some guys don’t need a kick in the pants every now and then. Like Robin said, give him a chance to see if he makes his move this Valentine’s Day, otherwise you should just take matters into your own hands and see if it gets you the desired result.
I own a couple of cars including a nice 4-wheel drive SUV that’s great for the snow. A friend has asked if she can borrow my SUV to go up to Tahoe for a few days. I’m happy to lend people a cup of sugar or a few bucks, but is this “favor” asking a bit much? -Wanting to be neighborly, but… Orinda, CA
He Said: There are favors and then there are FAVORS. Asking someone for a ride to the store is a favor, borrowing someone’s car for a vacation is a FAVOR. In this situation, it all depends on how much you trust your friend and how much you like your car. When you lend out a car, you’re far too liable for what someone else might do with it. My recommendation is you say “no” and you let them know you don’t lend out valuables such as your car. I’ve lent out cars in the past and almost always regretted it because the car always came back in a different condition than I lent it in. This is what rental car companies are for.
She Said: Shawn’s points are all good, but I’m sure you feel bad about saying “no,” otherwise you wouldn’t be asking. I would say yes to family and super close friends. But if they drive a jalopy and have a reputation for being a bad driver, I’d say no, regardless. And if they ask why, you simply point to their car and shrug. Now, if your friend drives a really cute sports car, and you’d like to suggest a trade, well then I think we have a solution.
Robin Fahr is a communications specialist and co-host with Shawn Shizzo on Conversations and He Said/She Said seen daily on Tri-Valley TV, Channel 30 and online at trivalleytv.org. You can also catch He Said/She Said on TheTalkPod.com. Send your questions to AskHeSaidSheSaid.com.