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identification to Washington, V.C.—”Village of Columbia.” Aside from the buildings, think of the money saved from bloated salaries, undisclosed perks, and extravagant vacation trips from Congress members alone! #3. Next to go would be every battleship, aircraft carrier, destroyer, cruiser, canoe and rowboat. How many Silicon Valley billionaires have thought to themselves, “Gee. I’d love to have my own aircraft carrier.” Tanks, artillery, jeeps, automobiles, helicopters, bombers, fighter planes, etc., would be sold simultaneously with the naval vessels. Uniforms, rifles, small weapons, mess kits, tents, mess hall cookware and serving utensils would follow, including those assigned to the worst form of torment one human has ever perpetrated on another: creamed chipped beef on toast. Think of the value of these sales: no more inflated salaries to people with inflated egos and not much else to offer. Current military academies could change to only be funded during wartime efforts if necessary. And, finally, the last U.S. government official left standing can pass out checks to all the citizens. I am not by any stretch of the imagination an accountant, but I would bet that the total would be three or four times what they claim we owe: "$42,998.12" (TIME magazine's cutesy number— they could have added $1.88 and called it $43,000, but why make it easy for us?). Everyone would then get exactly $223,146. 54— not enough for an aircraft carrier, but maybe enough for a life boat. (I made up that number from my perverted imagination. It contains my two birthdays: the actual delivery date and the day I got my honorable discharge from the Army.) One important concern I know some of you may wonder regards American defense and safety from our friends and enemies. Although we no longer have the Western wilderness to protect us as in George Washington‘s days, we still have oceans on our east and west. Additionally, virtually every country in the world has some sort of religion that it professes to follow and most of those religions emphasize love, peace and the value of our fellow human beings. Sure there are some little, fat, strange leaders who like to sing, “We have nuclear weapons, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah!” and others who insist that their nuclear experiments are for “peaceful” purposes to help out the common, ordinary people whom they haven‘t cared about in centuries. These 'kind' leaders softly hum, not sing, “We get to kill, kill, kill, and we do not care who. We just want to kill.” FEAR NOT: Part of my plan takes care of such exigencies. We will keep one or two thousand young people on duty in the silos where our nuclear, intercontinental weapons are stored. If the worst scenario should happen, then across the entire planet, we all will sing the 1960s folk song, And We’ll all Go Together when We Go. Just think, however, Americans will go with no national debt, some real money in our pockets, and absolutely no liabilities or assets. j u n e 2 0 1 6 A L I V E E A S T B A Y 27


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