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Alive November 2016

Pass Me the Drumstick I am a leg man! I love me some legs. What? I am referring to the turkey leg (aka drumstick) when it comes to our Thanksgiving Day entree. Did you think I was going the way of Donald Trump and Billy Bush in a hot mic Access Hollywood motorhome conversation? This is a holiday piece for a nice family magazine. I really do like the turkey leg and usually spend most our holiday meal gnawing on the dark meat filled drumsticks like I’m an overweight European Baron from some Elizabethan romance novel. “Serving wench, what do you mean there’s no Cool Whip for the pumpkin pie latte? Off with her head!” I suppose it’s more refined to dine on the finely carved white or dark meat of a Tom Turkey, but I’m not some snooty overdressed English Pilgrim trying to hook-up with one of the hot looking Native American squaws. I’m all about calorie consumption and a taste bud orgasm. For what it’s worth, I also enjoy the drumsticks from the Turkey’s less prestigious cousin, the chicken. I was practically raised on fried, baked, barbequed and KFC’d chicken drumsticks. Like my father before me, referenced in last month’s article on frugal spending, we like our reasonably priced bird meals. Come to think of it, I believe I’ve had drumsticks from squab, duck and pheasants, to name just a few other edible birds. I’ve had an ostrich burger at Fuddruckers, but that’s one drumstick even beyond my comfort level. This Thanksgiving Day holiday, a lot of us will be welcoming home our college freshmen for the first time since they departed on their quest for higher education. For most of these kids, it will be the first time sleeping in their beds, arguing with their siblings and adhering to Mom and Dad’s rules since they departed for college approximately twelve weeks ago. My independent living collegiate daughter best not have acquired a taste for turkey drumsticks while away at school or she can enjoy her holiday meal at the university dining commons. I may extend her curfew and let her sleep in until the crack of noon, but the drumstick thing is non-negotiable. I’ve heard that it takes both parents and their college freshman children about three months to acclimate to their new life and routine. That’s roughly the time period from the start of school at most universities until Thanksgiving break. Their new found lifestyle does potentially raise some issues when the kids return home and have to follow A L I V E E A S T B A 28 Y n o v e m b e r 2 0 1 6 house rules again and curtail their partying ways. They’ll also be driving again and having to avoid all the wild turkeys that populate the greater Mt. Diablo landscape. Trust me, they don’t taste near as good as a Butterball turkey from Lunardi’s in Danville. By the time this article hits the stands, we’ll have elected a new POTUS (President of the United States) with a new FLOTUS (First Lady of the United States) or FHFPOTUS (First Husband Former President of the United States). I can only speculate on who won, but what’s the point, the American public has likely lost. It doesn’t matter if either candidate likes the drumstick or not, they both have so many character flaws that their fowl anatomy choices don’t override the scary direction their constant indiscretions may lead our country. As I am a liberal conservative and my wife is a conservative liberal, we usually either agree on a candidate or we cancel out each other’s votes. I wish there had been a realistic write-in candidate this year, but neither Condoleezza Rice nor Paul Ryan wanted the job bad enough to give it a go. Well if nothing else, it gives me, and the equally talented writers at Saturday Night Live, plenty of material to work with the next four years. The month of November is special for more than just Thanksgiving and an occasional insignificant election. This is a month with more going on than most people realize. There’s No- Shave November (all month), National Men Make Dinner Day (November 3rd), National Donut Day (November 5th), the official birthday of the U.S. Marine Corps (November 10th), Veteran’s Day (November 11th), Mickey Mouse’s birthday (November 18th), The anniversary of the Gettysburg Address (November 19th) Black Friday (the last Friday of the month), Small Business Saturday (the last Saturday of the month) and College Football Rivalry Week including; Sunflower Showdown—Kansas vs. Kansas State, Iron Bowl—Auburn vs. Alabama, Civil War—Oregon vs. Oregon State, The Game—Michigan vs. Ohio State (Jim Harbaugh vs. Urban Meyer—should be awesome!), Duel in the Desert—Arizona vs. Arizona State, and The Jeweled Shillelagh—USC vs. Notre Dame. There is so much happening in this mid to late fall month that if I didn’t have so much leaf raking to do (thanks to the occasional galeforce winds), I might be able to enjoy more than just a delicious drumstick. Happy Thanksgiving. MICHAE L COP E LAND


Alive November 2016
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