An Astrological New Year

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It’s not like I plan my day around my horoscope, at least not my entire day, but I do like to check in to see what the stars have in store for me from time to time. I think we can all admit that we will sneak-a-peek at our scope while perusing the local newspaper. For those of you unfamiliar with a newspaper it is a black and white print periodical delivered to your home or purchased at the local news stand, smoke shop or train station.

Personally, I am always encouraged when there’s a positive message about my finances, health, career or relationships. Sadly, one recent morning, over a bowl of oatmeal, my wife was less than enthusiastic when I informed her that today was the day I would find my soul mate. What a buzz kill.

By definition, a horoscope is an astrological chart or diagram representing the positions of the sun, moon and planets, including astrological aspects and sensitive angles at the time of an event, such as the moment of a person’s birth. It is used to forecast a person’s future, typically including a delineation of character and circumstances, based on the relative positions of the stars and planets on any given day. A brief daily forecast is something a seemingly large segment of the population follows on a semi-regular basis, says the internet.

I have always found it uncanny the way a horoscope can identify a person’s personality with a high degree of accuracy. I am so the Leo personality as described below.

The Leo Personality
Bold, intelligent, warm, and courageous, fire sign Leo is a natural leader of the Zodiac, ready to blaze a trail, vanquish injustice, and make a name for themselves along the way. Blessed with high self-esteem, Lions know that they possess enviable traits—and they’re proud of them. They don’t believe in false modesty and will be the first to praise themselves for a job well done. But Leo isn’t self-aggrandizing or unwilling to roll up those sleeves and do the work: this sign knows that in order to be respected and admired, he or she needs to put in the effort worthy of a leader.

But it’s not all hard work for Lions. Intense and energetic, Leos thrive on social interactions and have no problem making friends—although pinning them down to spend time with you is another story. Leos put themselves first, and will turn down a plan that doesn’t fit with their agenda or idea of fun. This trait has gained them an unfair reputation for arrogance. But on the flip side, when a Lion chooses to spend time with you, it’s genuinely because he or she wants to.

Given my bold and intelligent personality, allow me to impress you with my uniquely unqualified and misinformed attempt to predict what the year holds for each of the 14 or 15 Zodiac signs. What, only twelve astrological signs? What about the Houston Astros, Foo Fighters and White Walkers? World Series Champs, rock band and Game of Thrones? Whatever. Here goes nothing?

Your 2018 Horoscopes

Aries – The first sign of the Zodiac, an Aries is both passionate and independent not to mention extremely competitive. I see a year filled with hot love making, but also lots of intense solitaire games on your smart phone. Symbol – The ram

Aquarius – The Zodiac’s deep thinker. Aquarians are a bit bi-polar in that they can be both shy and quiet and energetic and boisterous. I like that you’re likely to have months of comatose down time and months of “call the cops” party time. Symbol – the water bearer.

Taurus – The anchor of the Zodiac. A Taurus is smart, ambitious and trustworthy. The stars tell me you will make wise decisions that benefit your career because bosses like you and co-workers know you won’t throw them under the bus despite your desire to succeed. Symbol – the bull

Virgo – The sophisticated one. Virgos get the job done without complaining. They are big picture thinkers and very good at planning out their lives. Knowing that they are amazing friends and don’t like to disappoint anyone, this year will be devoted to hosting gatherings and events with people you love. I’m available. Symbol – the virgin.

Capricorn – The Zodiac considers this the most serious-minded of the signs. Capricorn’s pride themselves on their professionalism and traditional values. Both conventional and independent, this could be a big year in your job or career. Possibly even a change, have you considered ventriloquism? Symbol – the goat.

Libra – A sign of balance within the Zodiac. Libran’s are peace loving and judicial. They also abhor being alone. With their winning personalities and cooperative style, this could be the year you find true love. Maybe don’t mention that to your spouse. See the soul mate comment above. Symbol – the scales.

Pisces – The understanding Zodiac sign. Pisces are generally compassionate, gentle and affectionate. Your Facebook and Linked In networks will explode with likes and friend requests given your likability and ability to interact with a wide variety of personalities. Stay away from prison pen pals. Symbol – the fish

Gemini – The chameleon of the Zodiac. Gemini’s are excellent communicators and adept at blending into different groups. Energetic and quick-witted, you are likely to create some form of art that makes a statement this year. If it happens to be in the written form, think Alive Book Publishing. Symbol – the twins.

Cancer – The sentimental Zodiacer. Emotions run high for Cancer’s and nothing is more important than family and home. Despite a horribly unfortunate Zodiac name, thanks to your sympathetic and empathetic nature your year will be filled with wonderful family feud-less type gatherings. Sorry. Symbol – the crab

Leo – See the description above. We are the natural leader of the Zodiac. A Leo will create a game changing app, rescue someone that needs a lifeline and host the hottest party of the year. Text me if you want to be on the guest list. Symbol – the lion, duh.

Scorpio – The Zodiac’s intense one. Scorpio’s are always caring and aware of other’s feelings. They often ask probing and penetrating questions. If the moon continues to hang in the sky, I sense that you will help build and mend relationships in 2018. Start with your sister or brother—I’m just saying. Symbol – the scorpion.

Sagittarius – The energetic one of the Zodiacs. A Sagittarius is so extroverted and broad minded that they are always open to new experiences. Knowing that it is impossible to keep a Sag down and that change is essential to this sign’s life, I see you taking on a new fitness routine to get into fantastic shape. Yes to Zumba, but no to PEDs. Symbol – the archer.

Who could write this every day? I’m exhausted. Undoubtedly, you will find elements of truth and ridiculousness in your Zodiac sign summaries above, but you try writing a game changing New Year’s article that isn’t redundant or mundane. At least I’m getting some use out of my new thesaurus. I wish I could think of another word for Horoscope, Zodiac or thesaurus. If you don’t find me an astute astrologer who can accurately predict how you will look, think or feel in 2018, then I encourage you to lay out and live out your path for the year ahead. The possibilities are limitless if you just look to the stars. Just don’t expect them to lead the way.

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