When I think of February, I can’t help but think of Valentine’s Day. Valentine’s Day inevitably conjures up images of love and romance. My earliest memories of love and romance take me back to my teenage years. That’s when those of us in the 44-55 year old demographic likely went on our first date. By date, I mean a boy picked up a girl, met her parents and took her to dinner, a movie, maybe bowling or miniature golf, etc. At the end of the night he brought her home. I find it important to clarify the general terms of a date, because from what I’ve observed of real time teenagers in 2015, the concept of dating has become as obsolete as Blockbuster Video, Tower Records or Winchell’s Donuts.
I consider myself somewhat educated on the modern day teenage animal because I have two living in my house. Think of me as a suburban zookeeper. Instead of a pair of lovable panda bears eating eucalyptus leaves, sleeping and pooping in captivity, my two teens eat a lot of pita chips, sleep and poop. I love my teens, but everyday I am more aware how different their lives are from the teen way of life my wife and I experienced. We may not be able to stop evolution of the species, but that’s not to say we can’t long for a simpler time, when relationships prevailed over technology.
One of the most glaring differences in the teen life that I’ve observed is the ritual of dating. Teens really don’t date today. They text, they Snap Chat, they Instagram, they hang out and they hook up. As a former teenage boy, I’m somewhat envious, but as the father of daughters, I’m disheartened. Today’s teenage boys don’t have to experience that series of dating events that helped prepare young men for life. Allow me to illuminate you on the now forgotten Art of Dating (circa 1978).
First Contact: Boy see girl, girl see boy. Flirtation abounds. Hopefully idiot teen boy not annoy girl too much. Boy says, “Would you like to go out some time? “ If girl says yes, it’s game On!
Securing the Phone Number: Getting a girl’s phone number was like winning the lottery. You held something valuable in your possession.
Making the Call: It was not uncommon to practice what you would say. It was not uncommon to be so nervous you felt like you might throw up. It was not uncommon to pray that her father didn’t answer the phone. It was not uncommon to talk for hours.
Planning the Date: A movie and a piece of pie at Marie Callender’s was my go-to first date. All in all, maybe I spent $10.00-$12.00.
Meeting the Parents: Meeting her mom was cool, but meeting the dad was pure torture. The girl was never on time, so “let the grilling begin.”
The Date: See planning the date above. What could go wrong at a movie and Marie Callender’s?
The Good-Night Kiss: Walking a girl up to her front door and hoping for a kiss goodnight on the porch was what every boy hoped for at the end of a date. Making out in the car was just icing on the cake.
The Follow-up: Assuming a date went well, you then had to figure out when to call again. Should it be the next day or a few days later? How you played the follow-up call could dictate if there was a second date.
Side note: I hated getting a girl’s father on the phone. It usually went something like this. “Hello, Mr. Molz, this is Mike Copeland, is Lynn home tonight?” “Yes she is.” “May I talk with her this evening?” “Who may I say is calling?” “Aaaa, it’s Mike Copeland, sir.” “Can I ask what it’s pertaining to?” “I’m a friend from school and I was just hoping to talk with her for a few minutes.” Sweat is now pouring down my forehead and my throat goes dry. “Who is this again?” I am so disappointed that I will never get the opportunity to inflict such torture and pain on a young suitor.
Teenage “dating” terms Today:
Following– When you first notice someone or think you might like a young lady or squire you follow them on Instagram or Twitter
Sliding through the DMs – To Direct Message someone a personal message
Messaging– When you first like someone and reach out to them through a text
Talking – Two people begin texting each other and might even talk at school
Hanging Out – Meeting up at a party, sporting event or somewhere else
Hooking Up – Making out (although it can also involve heavy petting)
A Date – Meeting up with someone somewhere is now considered a date. This is much more common than either party actually coming to the other’s house
A Thing –Two individuals are talking/texting each other exclusively
Relationship–You’ve finally reached the girlfriend-boyfriend stage
If a “thing” doesn’t work out, it’s referred to as “ended.” If a“relationship” ends it’s still called ‘Breaking up.”
As teenage boys in the late 1970s and early ‘80s, my peer group and I looked for role models in television and movie characters to emulate when it came to dating. From Starsky and Hutch, to Jon and Ponch on CHiPs, and Bo and Luke from the Dukes of Hazzard, watching the dating ritual on television was a great resource for inexperienced high school boys. Sadly, few of us had the hot cars these guys had and that put us at a distinct disadvantage.
As a frame of reference, high schoolers Ritchie and Potsie of Happy Days were smoother than the Sweathogs of Welcome Back Kotter. On the silver screen, it was actors such as Matt Dillon, Emilio Estavez, Tom Cruise, Andrew McCarthy, Rob Lowe and John Cusack in such cinematic gems as St. Elmo’s Fire, Risky Business, Sixteen Candles, Say Anything and Pretty in Pink who gave us some structure when it came to asking a girl out and what to do if she actually said “yes.” Apparently mullets and sleeveless t-shirts were a key to dating success.
From what I’ve observed of teenage boys in the past twelve months, they watch a lot of reality TV and are avid gamers. I’m not quite sure how the show Deadliest Catch or the video game World of War is going to get you a girl, so if I’m missing something, would someone please explain it to me? Using a scantily clad Kate Upton in the World of War advertisements is genius advertising, but unless I’m wrong, she doesn’t actually appear in the game or talk to the gamer.
Teen dating has been around since the dawn of time in every country, culture and religion on earth. Granted, there might be different rules or rituals related to teen dating, but it ultimately comes down to boy like girl, girl like boy, boy and girl do something social together. I would hate to see this generation of teens miss the whole dating experience simply due to the emergence of mobile technology and/or the stunted evolution of hormones. Not to mention, I want the ability to flick the porch lights on and off when the occasion arises.
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