Last month I touched on the topic of authenticity in relation to the film Whale Rider. This month I want to expand on the topic and let you know about two excellent books that help cultivate authenticity for family members of various ages. Be Yourself, Everyone Else Is Already Taken—Transform Your Life With the Power of Authenticity is a book for us grown-ups. Liking Myself is a book that encourages authentic expression for children.
Be Yourself, Everyone Else Is Already Taken is written by bestselling author and motivational speaker Mike Robbins. One of the things I love about this book is how much Robbins reveals about himself. Robbins’ enthusiasm and compassion flow freely as he shares deeply throughout his book. Early in the book, we learn that his career playing professional baseball in the Kansas City Royals organization ended abruptly when he tore ligaments in his left elbow at the age of twenty-three. The injury tragically blew out his pitching arm. Robbins describes the devastating end of his athletic career as being one of the greatest lessons of his life. As the result of his loss, he embraced a new way of living—he learned how to live more authentically by appreciating life and himself in each moment.
Robbins describes authenticity as being yourself—fully. He encourages us to understand, own, appreciate, and express all of who we are. He writes,
“When we’re authentic, we’re vulnerable, aware, open, curious…We’re in touch with our thoughts and our feelings, our doubts and our fears, our dreams and our passions, and so much more.”
One part of Be Yourself, Everyone Else Is Already Taken explores various ways we lose our authentic selves. Robbins clarifies the pressures we experience to conform in families, schools, religions, as well as the intense media pressure that bombards us. In the section, “Know Yourself,” Robbins encourages readers to look deep within. He describes some things being “above the line”—like actions we take, habits we have, and roles we play. Whereas, he describes things “below the line”—as being thoughts, feelings, attitudes, values, beliefs, and imagination.
This rich book is filled with interactive exercises and practices that empower readers to express themselves more fully, confront and transform fear, take risks and go for what they want most out of life. If becoming more authentic interests you, then check with your local bookstore or amazon.com.
Now let’s shift our focus to a children’s book that helps cultivate authenticity. Liking Myself is written by author Pat Palmer, Ed.D. This small but powerful book targets readers who are ages 5 to 9; however, it is actually a great read for us adults too. Dr. Palmer is a therapist and former Director of the Assertiveness Training Institute in Denver, and she clearly has a lot of wisdom to share. Liking Myself is filled with clever illustrations and exercises that make learning about how to be authentic and assertive…great fun.
One part of Liking Myself encourages readers to “stop saying mean things” to themselves. A related exercise suggests thinking “I am lovable and valuable” whenever they walk through a door, enter a car, or come to a stop sign. Dr. Palmer encourages readers to practice this positive exercise for two weeks. I work with a lot of clients to assist them in taming their oversized inner critics—doesn’t this sound like a great exercise for us adults to try as well? Unfortunately, it’s all too common to walk into a room full of people and worry about how we look or how we’re being received. In addition, saying to ourselves “I am lovable and valuable” could be a great mantra to practice when we’re walking through a door for a job interview.
I appreciate that Liking Myself covers numerous topics about how to improve mind-body connection—including how to listen to what your body is saying to you. One cute drawing that artist Betty Shondeck created for the Body Talk section shows a child sitting in a chair with little thought clouds coming from various parts of her body that read: “I am tight! I am clenched! I am relaxed!…” This illustration serves as a great reminder to tune in to the state of our bodies—before the messages get louder or become painful. If you want to learn more about this little gem of a book, it is available from amazon.com or from www.uplift.com.
In my own life, one of my lessons has been learning how to go from being in my head to inhabiting my body more fully. For this reason, I often share tools with clients that I’ve personally found helpful. These tools teach people how to tune in and learn how to decipher what their bodies are trying to tell them. For example, hypnotherapy is an excellent method for dialoguing with the body, sensing what it’s trying to communicate—as well as better understanding what the body needs.
Numerous clients that I’ve worked with relate to the notion of spending much of their adult lives living “above the neck.” And, I always affirm and bless that some of us needed to “be in our heads” to cope with challenging childhoods—so this served us well until we could learn healthier ways to become more authentic and more fully integrated…mind-body-spirit.
TRINA SWERDLOW