Robin Fahr and Shawn Alikian

He Said/She Said with Robin and Shawn

March 10, 2015 by Robin Fahr and Shawn Alikian Leave a Comment

Dear SSHS,
My daughter, who’s been living with her boyfriend for two years, has just announced their engagement. They are both in their upper 20s, been on their own since graduating college, and both make a very nice living. What are the new rules on who should pay for the wedding?
–Penny, Dublin

She Said:
The tradition of the parents of the bride footing the entire bill for the wedding is outdated and unnecessary. Women rarely go directly from their parents’ home to their husband’s home these days, so the idea that her parents should pay for everything because the man needs to support her once they’re married, is archaic. I recommend the parties from both sides sit down to discuss a reasonable budget for the affair, and then determine what sort of contribution everyone, including the couple, is able to make.

He Said:
I’ve never been a fan of outrageous weddings, but I know a lot of women have waited for the ‘big day’ their whole lives. While the ladies should be able to have their cake and eat it too, most guys don’t wait their whole lives for this one day. Plan to splurge on the necessities like great food, open bar, a seasoned photographer and a band or DJ that will bring the house down, and cut costs on areas that no one will be talking about the next day. I mention this first, because only after you plan to spend money wisely will it be easier to get the groom and/or his family to share the cost.

Dear HSSS,
I’m a junior in high school and am not sure I want to go to college. I’m good with my hands and think I’d be happier in life doing some kind of trade, but my mom says I need a college degree to get ahead in life. How can I convince her there are other alternatives?
–Junior, Sunol

He Said:
Sounds like you think you’re too cool for school. Well, Junior, let me assure you that you’re not. Keep an open mind and instead of trying to convince your mother that you don’t need to go to college, ask her to convince you why you should and I’m sure she’ll easily come up with a dozen reasons. College is so much more than just books and classrooms. You’ll make great friends, have a lot of fun, and experience a whole lot more than someone who doesn’t go to college. And while you don’t always need a college degree to be successful, the education and life experience you get is priceless.

She Said:
Your mom just wants what’s best for you, and the idea of her son not getting a college degree scares her. So what you need to do is a little more research. Think about what you’d like to do with your life, then look into the education that will be required to achieve that goal. You’re probably going to need to go to some sort of trade school, so show her what that would look like in terms of time, cost, location, and what you can expect to earn once you’re certified. If mom can see you have a plan, she will feel a lot better about your alternative to college.

Robin Fahr is a public relations specialist and co-host with Shawn Shizzo on Conversations and He Said/She Said seen daily on Tri-Valley TV, Channel 30 and online at www.trivalleytv.org. Send your questions to www.AskHeSaidSheSaid.com.

He Said / She Said with Robin and Shawn

February 7, 2015 by Robin Fahr and Shawn Alikian Leave a Comment

Dear HSSS,
If someone takes their clothes off inside out, should the person doing the laundry fold them as is or turn them right side out? ~Cheryl in Livermore

He Said: Unless you’re running some kind of ‘Fluff & Fold’ laundry service, it’s not your responsibility. In my household, it’s the responsibility of the wearer, not the washer, to put the laundry in the correct way. The washer/dryer/folder has enough on their plate, so the wearer can at least turn the clothes right side out. If I were the one washing the clothes and they weren’t turned right side out, then they’d get folded the way they were put in. Come on wearers—it takes an extra two seconds.

She Said: While I generally agree with Shizz, I was reminded that some clothing items are best washed inside out to preserve the integrity of the garment. This does not apply, however, to dirty, scrunched up socks. Considerate people should unbunch those before putting in the hamper and not expect the washer to do that for them. Along these lines, people who don’t check their pockets lose the contents to the person doing the washing. That lesson gets learned pretty quickly when twenty-dollar bills are involved.

Dear HSSS,
Recently you discussed bathroom etiquette for men living with women, but what about a little guidance for the women who live with men? I’m a fairly neat guy whose roommate is a super messy female, and I have to share a bathroom with her. You think guys are bad? Help! ~Mark in Pleasanton

He Said: Having lived with women before, I feel for ya! Guys can be dirty, but women can be downright disgusting when it comes to the bathroom. I think it has to do with anatomy. Women use so many different products to take care of themselves, they take over the entire bathroom and leave us guys a little corner for our stuff. And what’s with the hair? I didn’t know Bigfoot lived here. My two simple rules for a shared bathroom are these: anything that goes inside your body (pills, feminine products, etc.), and anything that came off your body (hair, nail clippings, etc.) should be put out of sight before you leave the bathroom – either the cabinet or the trash, no exceptions.

She Said: I won’t try and defend a slob of either gender. Across the board, waste goes into the wastebasket, not nearby. And speaking of the wastebasket, it’s for small items, like Q-tips and tissues, not the empty box your hair coloring came in. After products are used, they get put away—this is not a drugstore shelf. And when you brush your teeth, please make sure all the extra toothpaste goes down the drain. Spray off the hair you leave on the shower wall, and then remove it from the drain and put it in the wastebasket. Consideration: it applies to everyone!

Robin Fahr is a public relations specialist and co-host with Shawn Shizzo on Conversations and He Said/She Said seen daily on Tri-Valley TV, Channel 30 and online at www.trivalleytv.org. Send your questions to www.AskHeSaidSheSaid.com.

He Said/She Said with Robin and Shawn

January 9, 2015 by Robin Fahr and Shawn Alikian Leave a Comment

Dear SSHS,
I did a lot of online shopping this last holiday season, and while most transactions went well, I had a real problem with a small online company who refused to send me my full order. Apparently some pricing information on their site was wrong, and they didn’t intend to sell all three parts for the price listed, but their excellent price was the reason I bought from them in the first place! Their Customer Service Department told me I could either return the part I did receive, for a full refund, or pay a huge amount for the additional two parts I still need. Unfortunately, I’d already assembled the first part, and I can’t afford the other two now, which makes my purchase a huge waste. Do I have any recourse?
Kathlene, Pleasanton, CA

She Said: Ah, the famous Bait and Switch…perhaps unintentional but still wrong. They advertised one price, albeit accidentally, and then didn’t honor it. Not okay. So first, I’m going to preach a little and say, this kind of thing doesn’t generally happen when you shop locally, so here’s a little shout out to the mom and pop stores out there who want your business and will bend over backwards to get it. Anonymous online companies can come and go without regard for reputation, so “buyer beware.” That said, you were ripped off, so I did a little research and noticed you bought from a third party through Amazon. You’re in luck. Amazon has great customer service and the desire and incentive to maintain a good reputation with the public. Even though you weren’t really buying from them and they would prefer you reach a solution with your seller, their A to Z Guarantee (a tab at the top of their site) does exist as a final resort for buyers who haven’t been able to reach a satisfactory resolution. They’ll take care of you.

He Said: This sounds like the company made an honest mistake, but I have to echo Robin’s caution of Buyer Beware. I do a lot of online shopping and what I’ve found is if I compare the same product at several sites and its way cheaper on one, then it’s probably too good to be true. I really don’t see any recourse other than posting honest reviews about your bad experience on Yelp, Facebook, or Twitter. But next time around, if you see an unbelievable price online, give the company a call before you place your order just to verify what’s included in the price. No phone number? No deal! A listed phone number always makes the site and company more legit and customer friendly. Also check to see that their return policy and privacy policy are posted for everyone to see. And if you use a credit card or PayPal, you can always contest the charge to your account if something goes wrong with your order as long as you refute the charge on your account before you pay for it on the next billing cycle.

Robin Fahr is a public relations specialist and co-host with Shawn Shizzo on Conversations and He Said/She Said seen daily on Tri-Valley TV, Channel 30. Send your questions to AskHeSaidSheSaid.com.

He Said/She Said with Robin and Shawn

December 8, 2014 by Robin Fahr and Shawn Alikian Leave a Comment

Dear SSHS,
My best friend is getting married soon and has asked me to be her maid of honor. The problem is I really don’t like the guy she’s marrying; I think he treats her poorly. Is there anything I can do at this late date to help her realize she’s making the mistake of a lifetime? ~Not Sold in Sunol

She Said: Well, you could refuse to be her MOH on the grounds you can’t support the marriage, but I can almost guarantee you’ll lose a friend, which is a pretty high price to pay for being right. Frankly, you should have expressed your concerns within the first few months of their courtship, because it’s too late now…unless she asks. If she does, be tactfully honest but let her know if she decides to go through with it, she has your undying support. That’s the role of the BFF and the MOH.

He Said: Like Robin said, you had your chance early on in the relationship and it sounds like you blew it. If this guy really does treat her poorly, then she’s going to need your support even more now. Voicing your displeasure with the hubby-to-be at this point will only drive a wedge between the two of you. I say go through with it, and make sure you step up your game even more as her BFF by continuing to support her when she does hit those rough patches in her marriage.
Dear HSSS,
The guy I’m dating is a “neat freak”. He insists on everything being a certain way in his house, and I’m just way more laid back than he is; otherwise we have great chemistry. I’m afraid if I tell him this is a deal breaker, he’ll flip out. What do you think I should do? ~Kinda Sloppy in Pleasanton

He Said: You’re definitely in the minority of women on this one. And finding any type of chemistry, let alone great chemistry, is tough to come by. If everything else is great between you two, then I say get over it and focus on his better qualities. But if it really could be a deal breaker, then now is the time for a conversation about it. Bring it to his attention that his “neat freak” habits bother you, and if you both can’t compromise and meet in the middle, then you probably have bigger problems, and it’s time to move on.

She Said: May I have his phone number? Just kidding, but neat is a turn-on to some of us. As I see it, you get five non-negotiables in a relationship. They may include honesty, loyalty, compassion, communication, good social skills, intelligence, etc. Are you willing to use up one of your tickets on his being too neat? Now, if he’s controlling, that’s something else, and that could be a deal-breaker, but create your top five, and if he possesses those, try and overlook his persnickety-ness.

Robin Fahr is a public relations specialist and co-host with Shawn Shizzo on Conversations and He Said/She Said seen daily on Tri-Valley TV, Channel 30. Send your questions to www.AskHeSaidSheSaid.com.

He Said / She Said with Robin and Shawn

November 6, 2014 by Robin Fahr and Shawn Alikian Leave a Comment

Dear SSHS,
I’ve been dating this seemingly nice guy for about a month when he sent me an email saying he’s just not emotionally available right now and needs some time to reflect. I really like this man and wonder if I should be waiting around for him. ~Olivia, Walnut Creek

She Said: In my experience, people who are emotionally unavailable usually don’t know it and certainly don’t label themselves as such. It sounds like this guy heard this phrase somewhere and thought he’d try it on. We’re going to have to turn this over to Shawn to translate the guy-speak for us. In the meantime, I have a request for the grownups out there. Electronic breakups are cowardly. Let’s say we’re not going to email, text, or social media message our way out of relationships anymore, even if we are “emotionally unavailable.”

He Said: First off Olivia, let me apologize on behalf of all men out there who have ever said this to a woman. This is simply guy-speak for “I’m just not that into you.” This “nice guy” you’ve been dating has definitely taken the cowardly way out and didn’t want to plainly tell you his real feelings, which I’m sure he knew weeks ago. When a guy says things like this, he is making himself out to look like the victim so you don’t get mad at him for wasting the last month of your life. Do you really think if a super model crossed this guy’s path tomorrow that he’d still be emotionally unavailable? Hmmm…..I don’t think so.

Dear HSSS,
My oldest is a senior in high school and I find myself feeling really melancholy about the idea of his leaving for college next year. Is this normal? ~Kathy in Orinda

He Said: I clearly remember the day my parents dropped me off at college and my mom crying for about an hour before they left my dorm room. And trust me those weren’t tears of joy. What you’re feeling is definitely normal, but look at the bright side…your kid is going to college! Do you know how many parents out there wish this same opportunity for their kids? Consider yourself lucky that your child has a bright future ahead of him and the first step is higher education. And don’t worry, kids always come back home.

She Said: We all feel like this, especially if we’re close to our children. Let me assure you, the last year home anticipating their leaving, is worse than their actual leaving. Once they do leave, it’s a little tough the first three weeks, but then it becomes the new normal, and you’ll be surprised at how quickly you and the rest of your family adapt. Someone once said to me there’s only one thing worse than our children growing up and moving away: their NOT growing up and moving away.

Robin Fahr and Shawn Shizzo host Conversations and He Said/She Said seen daily on Tri-Valley TV, Channel 30. Send your questions to www.AskHeSaidSheSaid.com.

He Said / She Said with Robin and Shawn

October 9, 2014 by Robin Fahr and Shawn Alikian Leave a Comment

Dear HSSS,
My 17-year-old daughter got a texting-while-driving ticket. I swear she always has that cell phone in her hand, and I’m afraid someday she’s going to get into more trouble than just a ticket. I want to make sure the message gets through and that she learns a real lesson from this. What are your suggestions on driving the point home? ~Susanna in Pleasanton

He Said: By now everyone knows that texting while driving is waaay wrong so your teenage daughter can’t use ignorance in her defense. She endangered her life and the lives of others on the road, so in this situation there’s only one sure-fire way to drive the point home with your teenager…. temporarily take away either her car or her cell phone. I recommend taking away her driving privileges because if you take away her phone, she can easily get a new one without your knowledge. About 3-4 weeks should do it, and let her know if this happens again, the car disappears for a year.

She Said: Man, that’s harsh, Shawn, but desperate times call for desperate measures, and we don’t want to wait for something worse to happen before taking it seriously. However, if zero tolerance isn’t your parenting style, Susanna, then start with making your daughter pay the ticket, of course, and then imposing the phone check rule every time she uses the car. You’re looking for the time stamp, which may indicate if she was texting while driving. Do it regularly at first, then without notice now and again. It’s a hassle for everyone, but the inconvenience should break this dangerous habit.

Dear SSHS,
I’ve realized that one of my best friends has turned into a “fair weather friend.” He only calls me when he needs something but doesn’t pick up the phone or return messages when I call him, even if it’s just to say hello. We’ve been great friends for 15 years, but now I feel the friendship is going down a one-way street. What’s the best way to let him know this friendship is no longer working for me?
~Darren in Dublin

She Said: I hear your pain, but let’s not be hasty. You’ve been friends a long time, and those relationships can be hard to find. Your buddy may have no idea how insensitive he’s being. A good friend will tell him, and the best way to begin is by making the problem yours rather than accusing him of wrongdoing. Explain that you feel bad when he only calls for a favor and that it hurts when he doesn’t return your calls. Then ask if he was aware this was happening? If not, and he apologizes and aims to fix it, that would be better than abandoning the friendship. If he really doesn’t seem to care about the one-way street, then maybe it is time to let it go.

He Said: Welcome to the club, Darren. We’ve all had a friend like this in our lives, one who doesn’t value the friendship the same as the other. These people can feel like a cancer, really weighing you down. Robin has a point that communicating your concerns is the first step to solving problems in any relationship, but I would keep this friend on a very short leash. If you’re still unsatisfied with the friendship once you’ve gotten to the bottom of the issue, it’s time to cut him loose. Friendships can run their course, and life’s way too short to waste driving down that one-way street.

Robin Fahr and Shawn Shizzo host Conversations and He Said/She Said seen daily on Tri-Valley TV, Channel 30. Send your questions to www.AskHeSaidSheSaid.com.

He Said/She Said with Robin and Shawn

September 14, 2014 by Robin Fahr and Shawn Alikian Leave a Comment

Dear SSHS,
I live with three boys, my husband and two teenaged sons. I’m always asking them to put the toilet seat down, but because they outnumber me, they don’t think they should have to. What do you both think? ~ Samantha in Dublin

She Said: You know what I think! I’ve lived with men whose mothers didn’t teach them this simple act of courtesy, and it definitely put them in a different category for me. Let’s face it, guys — you’re not always the best aim, so when we gals walk into the loo and see the “fallout,” we’re kind of grossed out. Can’t we all agree that since the ladies ALWAYS want the seat down and gentlemen sometimes need it down, down wins? This simple courtesy makes women so happy…put it down, boys! Okay, boy Shawn, what do you say?

He Said: I say Samantha should consider herself lucky that they at least lift the seat up when they tinkle! I completely agree that it’s annoying having to put the seat down every time you need to use it, but nothing’s worse than guys who don’t even lift it to begin with. Try living with those guys! But to your point, most boys (like yours) who live with women (even Mom) need a friendly little reminder every so often, so try this: take a marking pen and write “Please Put Seat Down” on the underside of the seat. This should help drive your reasonable point home.

Dear HSSS,
My daughter starts college at a prestigious school this month, and we found out her roommate is lesbian and a Goth. I’m afraid this isn’t going to be a good match for her. Should she request a new roommate now or wait until she gets to school? ~ Worried Dad

He Said: What type of message are you sending your daughter off to college with if you let her pass judgment on her new roommate before even meeting her? As a parent, you should encourage her to meet people of different walks of life, as this is what the real world is all about. It’s not that difficult to change room assignments after the first few weeks of dorm life. Let your daughter get settled in first, then let her make up her own mind on whether she likes her new roommate or not. Some of my best friends to this day are college buddies who came from the complete opposite background and culture that I came from.

She Said: Who’s worried, you or her? Young people these days are far more accepting of differences than the older generation, and a prestigious institution only accepts the best and brightest, so they’ve already got that in common. That said, I spoke with my expert, a university RA who happens to be a lesbian, and she advised that your daughter wait to see what happens when she gets there. People from similar backgrounds often can’t live together, so different lifestyles can actually be enlightening and a good contrast. And don’t worry, last she checked, neither the lesbians nor the Goths were recruiting.

Robin Fahr and Shawn “Shizzo” Alikian host Conversations and He Said/She Said seen daily on Tri-Valley TV, Channel 30. Send your questions to www.AskHeSaidSheSaid.com.

He Said/She Said with Robin and Shawn

August 10, 2014 by Robin Fahr and Shawn Alikian Leave a Comment

Dear SSHS,

My boyfriend and I recently became engaged and are getting married in the fall. We love each other very much and agree on most everything except finances. We both have great jobs, but he’s a saver and I’m a spender. He complains about my shopping sprees, and I say he’s too frugal. Neither of us wants to change our ways, so how can we find common ground for the sake of our relationship?– Sophie L., Pleasanton

She Said: Finances are one of the leading causes of trouble in a marriage, so good thing you’re catching this early. I highly recommend keeping your finances separate, splitting all bills evenly, and agreeing to a joint savings account where you each contribute a set amount each month. Treat that savings like another bill. Your fiancé can have his own savings account wherein he can place his money for that rainy day he’s worried about. But remember, don’t go crying to him if you come up short one month due to overspending. I Told You So is such an ugly phrase.

He Said: This definitely needs to be resolved before you tie the knot for the sake of the relationship. I suggest a long term financial spending plan that you both agree on and stick to for the long haul. Robin’s right, you should definitely share the cost of the necessities and splurge only after you’ve done your part, otherwise, your frugal fiancé may see you as a gold digger rather than a partner. You can’t expect your fiancé to put a roof over your head and food on the table while you line the walls of your closet with designer labels.

Dear HSSS,
My husband “John” and I are new parents of a 3-month-old baby boy. John has moved into the guest bedroom, saying he needs his eight hours of sleep and refuses to help when the baby awakens in the middle of the night. He’s a great husband, but not the best dad so far. How can I get him to pitch in more?– Sleepless in Dublin

He Said: This is a very common situation that newborn mothers deal with. You’re married but feel like a single parent when it comes to your newborn. On the flip side, I hear a lot of fathers complain there isn’t much they can do with the baby in the middle of the night since they aren’t the ones breast feeding. Remember, the mother-baby bond is so much stronger at this stage than the father’s so often only a mother’s embrace will calm a crying newborn. Successful marriages are all about give and take so if your husband wants his full night’s sleep, ask that he step it up a notch and cook and clean more often, or give you a hand with your other duties since you now have the most time consuming and important job of all – MOM.

She Said: There are many things we don’t know about your situation, for example, are you nursing, back to work yet, etc. I’ll throw out some tips and you decide which ones apply. 1) Put the baby monitor in dad’s room. When the baby awakens, Dad can get up, bring the baby to you, and go back to bed. If Baby falls asleep with you, no big deal. 2) On weekends, nighttime duty is shared, or maybe you’re even given a break. Have a bottle ready in the fridge for Dad to manage easily. 3) During the day, you sleep when Baby sleeps and nobody should be expecting dinner on the table or a clean house if you’re alone on night duty. Keep in mind, having a new baby is wonderful but hugely stressful. Every baby stage is temporary, so don’t get locked into thinking this is the way it’ll always be. Just when you get this worked out, there’ll be something new to deal with.

Robin Fahr and Shawn “Shizzo” Alikian host Conversations and He Said/She Said seen daily on Tri-Valley TV, Channel 30. Send your questions to AskHeSaidSheSaid.com.

He Said/She Said with Robin and Shawn

July 6, 2014 by Robin Fahr and Shawn Alikian Leave a Comment

Dear SSHS,
My son is turning sixteen and wants to get a motorcycle that he can afford to buy with his own money. His argument is that it will be cheaper on gas and easier to park, but I’m concerned this is a bad decision. Any idea how to change his mind? Carey N., Danville

She Said: You can change his mind by not allowing him to make such a reckless decision on his own. You’re still the parent, paying all the bills, including his health insurance, so as I see it, you’re the one calling the shots. While under my roof, I would not allow either of my children to have a motorcycle, regardless of who’s buying it. That falls under the category of, “Don’t ask me to be a bad mother.” You didn’t ask about motor scooters, and I’m not sure what I think about those, although a close family friend, a college student, just got hit while driving one. It wasn’t her fault, but her broken arm doesn’t know the difference.

He Said: Your son is absolutely right that a motorcycle is cheaper than a car in many ways, but it’s absolutely wrong to think he can make this decision on his own at sixteen years old. Tell him he needs to wait until he’s eighteen; that should buy you at least two years, and hopefully, by then, he’ll have lost his motorcycle fever. But if he still insists on owning a motorcycle, make sure he passes a certified motorcycle riders course and that he wears all the proper safety gear. It’s worth noting the old saying about there being two types of motorcycle riders: those who’ve already had a serious accident and those who will.

Dear HSSS,
My husband recently re-connected with an old college classmate and told me she invited him to lunch. He claims it’s completely innocent, and he’d like to go if I give my consent. I have to admit, I’m a little uncomfortable with the idea, but I don’t want to be unreasonable. What do you think?
Samantha, Walnut Creek

He Said: I don’t think it’s at all unreasonable for you to be uncomfortable with this. The first question you should ask him is, “Why is she looking you up and reaching out to you?” Followed by, “Just how close of classmates were you in college?” If the answers rub you the wrong way, then your answer should be “Absolutely not!” If your husband insists everything is innocent and he still wants to go to lunch, then insist that he take you with him to meet this old college classmate. Remember, a married man’s focus should not be connecting with old female friends but maintaining and growing his relationships at home with his wife and family.

She Said: The fact that your husband confided in you is a very good sign. He has nothing to hide. I like to joke around calling lunch “the gateway date,” but that’s because people who “reconnect” on Facebook, usually have their first “reunion/rendevouz” over lunch, the innocent meal. But this sounds different to me. It’s just lunch. The minute you make more of it than that, you risk putting ideas in his head. Relax, but ask him all about it when he comes home. And one lunch is all it should take to catch up, if you ask me, which you did. Let us know if they set up another one…which could mean Shawn’s right, and the topic definitely worth revisiting.

Robin Fahr and Shawn Shizzo host Conversations and He Said/She Said seen daily on Tri-Valley TV, Channel 30. Send your questions to AskHeSaidSheSaid.com.

He Said/She Said with Robin and Shawn

June 7, 2014 by Robin Fahr and Shawn Alikian Leave a Comment

Dear HSSS,

I’m dreading the summer. As much as I enjoy not having to adhere to a strict schedule, my kids have more time to fight with each other, which drives me nuts! How do people deal with sibling rivalry?
JL, Livermore

He Said: A healthy dose of sibling rivalry is never a bad thing…emphasis on HEALTHY. At least your kids are interacting and feeding off each other’s energy. Now it’s your job to keep them busy so they’re too exhausted to sit around the house and fight. Make sure you get them off their butts and away from their video games/computers and out doing real activities. Parenting is a non-stop job made even harder during the summer when you have to be activities coordinator in addition to parent. Maybe after a summer of dealing with your kids every day, you won’t forget to give those teachers a big hug and thank them for what they do seven hours a day, nine months a year!

She Said: If you haven’t had kids, you have no idea how unpleasant the sound of fighting children. I took a Siblings Without Rivalry course when I was pregnant with my second, and the biggest takeaway was not to justify your parenting of one child to the other. So when Johnny says, “Why do I have to go to bed, when Lindsay doesn’t,” your answer is, “As your mother, I know what’s best for you, and you’re tired, so it’s time for you to sleep.” Once you bring Lindsay into it, as in, “Well Lindsay’s older than you are,” or “Lindsay already napped today,” you turn it into a sibling matter rather than parenting each child as needed. But just in case: peanut butter is the best way to remove a wad of gum from the hair… could be a long summer!
Dear SSHS,

We’re a blended family with different rules when it comes to mealtimes. Should kids be required to clean their plates? And how much should we cater to picky eaters?
Not a Restaurant, Danville
She Said: But what about the starving children in third world countries? Never understood that one myself, but I do think that force-feeding creates unnecessary eating issues. More importantly, there needs to be a united front on rules at mealtimes. Discuss with your spouse why you think things should be a certain way, and then come to some agreement so the children see the parents working together. You may have to compromise. No, do not make special meals for picky eaters. Registered dietitian Jill West, author of 400 MOMS, says simply, “It’s what’s for dinner.” End of story. She suggests everyone try at least one bite, and when it comes to veggies, she says, “Would you like broccoli or green beans?” When the child says neither, the parent says, “Ok, then I’ll choose.” That generally works.

He Said: If you’re asking should kids clean their plates after dinner, then yes. They should at least empty the scraps into the trash and rinse their plates. If you’re asking should kids be made to eat all the food on their plates, the answer is “yes” if THEY filled their plate, and “no” if you did. Allow them to serve themselves, offering plenty of healthy choices. In a blended family, absolutely NO ONE should have special privileges and be treated differently at dinnertime, and picky eaters are only picky if you let them be, so don’t let them be.
Robin Fahr and Shawn Alikian host Conversations and He Said/She Said seen daily on Tri-Valley TV, Channel 30. Send your questions to AskHeSaidSheSaid.com.