Trina Swerdlow

What Triggers Emotional Eating?

June 4, 2010 by Trina Swerdlow

Emotional eating is a yearning for something that reaches far beyond nutritional fuel. Stress often triggers us to indulge in emotional eating. When we are emotionally hungry we may be starving for love and understanding; we may be yearning for respect, acceptance, or a sense of belonging. Transitions during the day are common stressful times when many of us become vulnerable to emotional eating.
Repeatedly, I hear from my weight loss clients that the in-between times throughout their days—the times when they’re shifting from one activity to another—are challenging and often lead to emotional eating and compulsive snacking.
For example, the transition time of:

Driving from one destination to another
Shifting from one project to another (at work or at home)
Coming home from work (shifting from work activities to home activities)
Getting ready for bedtime (shifting from evening activities to sleep)

Emotional eating is “using” food in an attempt to mood-alter or push down painful and uncomfortable feelings. In this mode, feelings may be viewed as enemies that need to be avoided. While indulging in emotional eating, we may succeed in avoiding some feelings, but after overeating, we often have a new set of feelings to deal with…guilt, shame, and in some cases, self-loathing.

Unfortunately, attempting to push down our uncomfortable feelings by consuming large amounts of food is routine behavior in America today. Unhealthy emotional eating habits—in combination with cravings for the wrong foods and a lack of exercise—has become the national recipe for staying stuck and adding inches and pounds each year. According to the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), more than 60% of American adults are overweight. We are bombarded by messages from various health care experts today—messages that repeatedly warn us that being overweight can be hazardous to our health and well-being.

My weight-loss work with clients who emotionally overeat includes exploring what feelings lie below the surface of the unwanted behavior. Once the hidden underlying layers are identified, then unconscious emotional eating can be addressed. Subsequently, people learn how to use tools that encourage them to deal directly with their emotions and the stresses in their lives.

In my private practice, before I teach clients tools and strategies for breaking unwanted overeating habits, we often investigate under the topsoil. For instance, if a client is deriving a benefit or a secondary gain from indulging in emotional eating or from being overweight—then there may be a protective part in the client that will unconsciously rebel against changing. For this reason, one of my early questions to anyone wanting to break an unhealthy habit is offered to investigate whether there is any hidden benefit resulting from the habit. If there is a benefit or a secondary gain, then that’s where we focus our initial attention.

For example, a few years ago a middle-aged woman named Katie came to see me in my private practice. Katie’s doctor referred her to me. For health purposes, her doctor encouraged her to lose weight. During our first session, Katie explained to me that she’d been struggling with unhealthy habits of emotional eating, and subsequent weight gain ever since her divorce fifteen years ago. I learned that Katie had experienced a major (and stressful) “life transition.”

Katie explained, with tears streaming, that her husband asked for a divorce after he began an affair with a woman twenty years his junior. Katie felt devastated that her 27-year marriage was over. And, Katie’s ex-husband was never willing to seek couples counseling with her. In fact, he was already engaged to marry the younger woman when he told Katie that he wanted a divorce.

Katie identified her secondary gain for being overweight within her first couple of sessions. Katie hesitantly admitted that she used her weight as an excuse for the fact that she hadn’t had a date since her husband left. She shared that she isolated herself a lot after work and that food was a comfort to her. As we explored this further, it became clear that since the disintegration of her marriage, Katie lost her ability to trust a man with her heart. She turned to food for comfort and pleasure. She also realized that she “used food” to push down her anger, her sadness, and her overwhelming loneliness.

So, before we worked on weight loss, Katie and I focused on the unresolved grief that she harbored stemming from her marriage ending. After Katie moved through various stages of her unfinished grieving process, we addressed her negative core beliefs about feeling unattractive, “too old,” and unlovable. Through several empowering tools that I offered her, Katie compassionately addressed her negative core beliefs. To her surprise, she discovered that her negative core beliefs originally developed in childhood. This discovery led her to stop blaming her ex-husband for being “the creator” of her poor self-image…and she stopped feeling like a victim. Through her courageous explorations, Katie gained a much greater understanding of herself.

Next, we focused our work on uncovering the positive core beliefs that were buried under Katie’s negative core beliefs. Together, Katie and I went on a treasure hunt and “mined for gold.” And, I’m happy to say—she struck gold! Her inner gold, that is. Katie was thrilled with her new tools, insights, and personal growth. As a result of all her hard work, Katie felt strengthened at the core of her being.

When Katie began accepting invitations to parties and social activities, she was no longer focused on her feelings of being unattractive, “too old,” or unlovable. Katie was delighted to find that she now had enough internal peace, self-acceptance, and confidence—to focus on the people around her. Meanwhile, her self-conscious inward focus shifted outwardly allowing her to be interested and curious about others.

After her life became more balanced, food was no longer Katie’s only comfort or pleasure. Consequently, Katie’s weight began to drop, and her zest for life (including exercising) picked up dramatically. Within five months she was no longer emotionally eating in an attempt to push down her unmanageable feelings. Katie not only reached her weight loss goals, she moved forward into a life…that included dating again!

Finally, I’m happy to report that I have numerous clients, in addition to Katie, who no longer live to eat, but are now eating to live…healthier and happier lives. That’s why it is vital to explore under the topsoil of emotional eating, to discover what is triggering the unhealthy habit…and create a nourishing transformation.

How to Prevent Perfectionism from Polluting Your Major Celebrations

May 7, 2010 by Trina Swerdlow

When we experience a rite of passage, in a sense, we are walking across a bridge. In the process, we are leaving a familiar place and transitioning to an unfamiliar place. These important rite of passage “bridges” in our lives serve as platforms to momentarily embrace, honor, and celebrate major life transitions. Rite of passage rituals—or celebrations—provide us a time to pause, adjust, and balance before moving forward to our next destination. In addition, while our identities are in the rockin’ and rollin’ process, these important celebrations offer our loved ones an opportunity to help stabilize us with their blessings and their heartfelt support.

Many societies recognize and create ceremonies to honor rites of passage. In 1909 French anthropologist Arnold van Gennep authored Les Rites de Passage and shared his theory of socialization, which described how rituals mark the various transitional stages between childhood and full integration into a tribe or a social group.

The three stages that differentiate the rites of passage are:

Separation
Transition
Incorporation

First, during the separation stage, people withdraw from one status to move forward into the next status. When we are in the separation stage and move from a familiar environment into an unfamiliar
environment (which is often combined with an unfamiliar routine) we’re likely to experience substantial amounts of stress. It is common in the separation stage to experience a symbolic “breaking
free” or “cutting away” from the self that we are leaving behind.

For example, when infants are birthed, they leave the familiar dark environment of their mothers’ wombs and are thrust into the light of their new destination…the outside world. In this separation
stage, the infants’ umbilical cords are literally cut to free them from their prior life stage. Clearly, this is an important initial rite of passage.

Next, after the separation stage, we enter the transition stage. In this transitional time, we stand centered on the rite of passage “bridge” and experience the in-between place of the three stages.
We’ve left the known but are currently…in limbo. As a result, transitional times often create a sense of confusion and disorientation.

Adolescence is considered one such major transitional stage. The adolescent has left childhood but is not a full grown adult yet. Most of us are familiar with the “normal” adolescent angst and growing
pains that teens endure—either by remembering our own experiences…or from being parents of teenagers. (I bet some of you are fervently nodding your heads right now!)

Finally, during the incorporation stage, the rite of passage is complete and the new identity is embodied. For example, as citizens in our country—when we move beyond adolescence and we enter
fully into adulthood—we can vote, make a will, and get medical treatment without our parents’ consent.

Intellectually or on paper, these rites of passage seem like a breeze. And, these “major celebratory events” where we pause to receive support and “bridge” our life transitions are supposed to flawlessly play out…right? Well, in theory…yes…but reality is often a completely different animal.

Those of us who are consciously aware of “our humanness” can attest to the fact that flawless expectations, when combined with the pressure of a life transition, will create chaotic thunderstorms
around our important “celebratory events.” Have you noticed that if perfectionism shows up as an “uninvited guest” to our celebrations, then the natural joy of the event is compromised?

Let’s face it, a wedding ceremony, a graduation party, a retirement party, an anniversary party, or any other kind of major celebratory event can amp our stress levels to full throttle—if we allow a
perfectionist to take over. The perfectionist I am referring to here manifests from the inside and is a part of ourselves. It’s the part of ourselves that believes that if we don’t do things perfectly, then we are a failure.

When in a perfectionistic mode, we think in terms of black and white, good or bad. Meanwhile, we focus on results and our fear of failure relentlessly pushes us and prevents us from enjoying (or
appreciating) the small steps toward a goal. Surprisingly, procrastination can “creep into the mix” due to our becoming stuck in obsessive thinking…leading to analysis paralysis.

If we identify with having a strong “inner perfectionist,” then it’s obvious why celebratory rituals can wreak havoc on our nerves-as well as the nerves of those around us. In fact, unbridled perfectionism
can transform an important rite of passage—a major celebratory ritual—into high drama! For example, the sensitive (and potentially fretful) decisions required in creating celebratory events often result
in multiple breathless sighs of “Who-weee….” Such sighs become audible when we consider decisions concerning, who-weee invite, who-weee seat next to whom, who-weee hire to cater, who-weee
choose to photograph the event…and the list of “who-weees” goes on and on.

Okay, you probably have a better understanding now of the stressful issues that often develop during rites of passage. So, are you ready to hear what my suggestions are for preventing perfectionism
from polluting major celebrations? Great, here goes.

Basically, when I work with clients who come to me because they’re stressed about an upcoming major event, I usually teach them some relaxation techniques and then offer them a piece of paper and a
pen. I encourage them to sit quietly with their eyes closed (breathing deeply) for a few minutes. After becoming centered, they focus on the following simple query process.

I ask the client five questions; they think about their responses for a moment, and then jot down whatever comes into their minds.
Here are my questions:
PERSONAL INVENTORY:
CREATING BALANCED CELEBRATIONS

What is my intention for creating (or attending) this celebratory event?
Can I recognize and calm my “inner perfectionist”?
Can I remind myself that there is a “me” and a “we” involved in this important event?
Am I willing to practice assertive communication (to avoid passive, aggressive, or passive-aggressive communication)?
Can I invite my sense of humor into this “rite of passage” process?

Now, let’s brainstorm a scenario of someone who worked with these questions. Katie, a client of mine who was preparing for her upcoming wedding, answered these questions in the following way
(yep, she allowed “her humanness” into the process).

What is my intention for creating (or attending) this celebratory event? I want to give Tom and me a place to publicly share our loving commitment to one another before God. I want the church to look gorgeous with tasteful decorations and fresh flowers. I want the food to taste delicious. I want everyone who attends to have a great time! I want to bring Tom’s family together with my family so that they can bond and celebrate the new life that Tom and I are creating. I want to look beautiful and perfect in my wedding dress.
Can I recognize and calm my “inner perfectionist”? Yes, I see that my inner perfectionist started to show itself in response to the previous question, especially when it comes to how I look. I feel tearful right now. So, to calm my inner perfectionist, I will need to reassure this scared and insecure part of myself that: “I am beautiful and unique inside and out.“ And, I can remind myself that I will do my best to look outwardly beautiful at my wedding. However, I won’t allow the pressure of “perfectionistic expectations” to keep me self-absorbed, which would drain the joy out of embracing the special moments with those around me. I also know that it’s unrealistic (magical thinking) to “hope” that everyone who attends our wedding event “will have a great time.” Since I can’t control the universe, or other people, I need to let go, breathe, and simply focus on being present in each moment (including this one right now).
Can I remind myself that there is a “me” and a “we” involved in this event? Yes, I can clarify my wants and needs regarding the wedding and then attentively listen to Tom’s wants and needs. I am willing to negotiate, since this will be good practice for our becoming a solid couple.
Am I willing to practice assertive communication (to avoid passive, aggressive, or passive-aggressive communication)? Yes, I will use assertive “I-statements” rather than aggressive you-statements” when expressing my thoughts and feelings. I will remember that being on a transitional “bridge” is stressful for Tom, our families, and me. So, speaking my truth in a gentle, respectful way is my goal. I also want to be a compassionate listener for others too. I will keep reminding myself that this wedding is not just “all about me.”
Can I invite my sense of humor into this “rite of passage” process? I will try because taking myself (or this event) too seriously will create high stress and high drama. I can remind myself that I want our wedding to be spiritual and heartfelt, as well as light, joyful, and FUN! Being able to laugh is a good thing!

After Katie answered my five questions and processed her responses, she felt clear about the boundaries that she wanted to tend. She knew that honoring her boundaries (as well as respecting other
peoples’ boundaries) would be a gift to her upcoming wedding. And, prior to the wedding, she reviewed her notes regularly and continually realigned herself with her positive intentions and the insights she gleaned from her inquiry process. In addition, Katie shared my questions with Tom, who gleaned his own set of inspiring insights as a result of completing the simple set of queries.

You too can consider answering my five simple questions before your next rite of passage event. And call me if you’d like to “freshen up” your assertive communication skills or learn some practical and
simple stress-reducing techniques. Then, hopefully, you will be able to prevent perfectionism (and unrealistic expectations) from polluting your major celebratory experiences. Thus, you will allow “bridge experiences” to offer you a nurturing place to pause, adjust, and balance as you move forward to your next destination.

In closing, as you courageously embrace your important rites of passage, remember Albert Einstein’s words of wisdom…”I must be willing to give up what I am in order to become what I will be.”

(Name and client details changed to protect confidentiality)

Attend Trina’s Inspiring Workshop: Managing Emotional and Compulsive Eating at the Women’s Health Center, John Muir/Mt. Diablo
Health System: 1656 N. California Blvd., Suite 100, Walnut Creek, Wednesday, June 30, 6:30-8:30 pm. Seats are limited—register today: (925) 941-7900 option 3.

Trina Swerdlow, BFA, CCHT, is a certified clinical hypnotherapist, an artist, and the author of the 2-CD Set, Weight Loss: Powerful & Easy-to-Use Tools for Releasing Excess Weight. She is also the author of Stress Reduction Journal: Meditate and Journal Your Way to Better Health. Her CDs and her book are available from John Muir Women’s Health Center online store: www.womenshealthcenterstore.com/books1.html.
Trina has a private practice in downtown Danville. You can reach her at: (925) 285.5759, or info@TrinaSwerdlow.com. To receive her free newsletter, “Trina’s Transformational Tips for Mindful Living,” sign-up at her site: www.TrinaSwerdlow.com (Certified Clinical Hypnotherapy services in California can be alternative or complementary to licensed healing arts, such as psychotherapy.)
Photo by Susan Wood, www.SusanWoodPhotography.com

Disengage From Passive-Aggressive Communications: Flex Your Assertiveness Muscles

April 5, 2010 by Trina Swerdlow

Passive-aggressive communications often lurk quietly in the shadows of our relationships. These behaviors may not be disguised behind sunglasses or trench coats, but they do frequently express in hushed tones.

For instance, do you have a friend who calls you to tell you how angry she is at her husband, son, daughter, or sister? You probably listen patiently as your friend rants and raves about someone’s behavior that hurt her. After you listen for a while and empathize, do you ever suggest that she talk to the person she’s upset with and let him/her know she’s disappointed, hurt, or whatever? If your friend is uncomfortable with confrontation, then she’ll probably vent to you (and her other confidants) as a way to avoid sharing her vulnerability directly with the people with whom she’s upset. She’ll “blow off steam” with everyone except the person she’s upset with.

Unfortunately, sharing vulnerabilities directly through communication is a skill not often handed down from one generation to the next. Instead, what is commonly handed down becomes a major barrier to healthy communication: triangulation. As the word implies, triangulation happens when communication is indirect, behind someone’s back, and involves three people. Triangulation becomes an over-used form of communication when someone lacks the awareness or skill to directly communicate personal feelings and needs to another person. In this way, triangulation becomes the opposite of one-to-one talks.

In my private practice, I often teach my clients assertive communication. Direct communication—assertiveness—is a skill, like a muscle, that needs to be developed and strengthened before we leave the gym and “take it on the road.” And, of course, we need to consciously decide when to let “the small stuff” go and focus on issues that feel truly important.

Speaking your truth with compassion and honesty requires great courage. As you have undoubtedly noticed—speaking your truth with a loved one is no easy endeavor. Getting up the nerve to have a revealing one-to-one talk is stressful. Preparing to have “the talk” can take hours, days, or even weeks—that is if fear doesn’t prompt you to abandon the idea.

One reason for not pursuing a needed one-to-one talk is a fear that doing so will damage or end the relationship. Or, you may simply be afraid that you will hurt the other person’s feelings. Although these reasons may or may not have some validity, the danger is that when you repeatedly avoid the important one-to-one talks, the resentments may pile up and eventually cause a decline in the quality of the relationship. If you don’t speak your truth to a loved one, you may be hiding important parts of yourself from him or her. As a result, you may unconsciously begin putting up protective walls between the two of you.

The following example of indirect communication contains excerpts from my book, Stress Reduction Journal. In the Hudson family, triangulation and passive-aggressive communication was a mainstay of the family diet. Jim and Dorothy Hudson had two grown children, John and Beth. One continual communication triangle in this family was between mom (Dorothy), John, and Beth. A triangle recently became activated when Beth and John made plans to attend a concert featuring classical music. As it turned out, John canceled at the last minute and went to a sporting event with a buddy.

Instead of having a heart-to-heart talk with John, Beth used mom to vent. After listening to her anger and frustration, mom took on Beth’s feelings, called John, and gave him “a piece of her mind.” Or was it a piece of Beth’s mind?

John’s defensive reaction to mom was to blame Beth. “Beth knows I don’t like classical music yet she bought the concert tickets without asking me first. I didn’t want to go from the start, but went along with it to try to be a ‘good guy.’ Then this really fun invite came along—and I couldn’t resist.”

Hurt and disappointed, Beth withdrew from John and missed an opportunity to honestly tell him how his behavior affected her. Feeling blamed and misunderstood, John also withdrew from Beth. As a result, John missed an opportunity to express his thoughts and needs. If John had chosen assertiveness over avoidance, he could have let Beth know that he appreciated her wanting to spend time with him, and that he would like to be invited to an event before the tickets were purchased. That way, he could have told her beforehand whether he was truly interested in the event or not.

Short-Term Gains of Triangulation
You may wonder why anyone would triangulate since it is such a barrier to healthy communication. Obviously, there are a few payoffs, or none of us would indulge in it. One payoff is a momentary feeling of closeness to the person we are triangulating with (at the expense of the person being talked about). For example, Beth and mom felt momentary closeness when they were “on the same side” against John. But, by choosing this method to feel close, they each missed healthier ways to connect with each other—and with John.

The second payoff for triangulating is that “blowing off steam” toward the third party of the triangle momentarily lowers anxiety. Unfortunately though, these payoffs come at the expense of working out issues directly with loved ones and end up blocking healthy, direct relating. The triangulating process offers short-term gains that often create long-term pains by blocking honest emotional intimacy.

Flex Those Assertiveness Muscles
Assertive or direct communication is the opposite of aggressive and passive-aggressive communications. People communicating assertively know themselves well enough to know their own wants and needs, and they are willing to ask for what they want and need from others. People who are flexing their assertiveness muscles don’t expect people to read their minds.

In addition, people communicating assertively take responsibility for their feelings whereas people communicating aggressively (and passive-aggressively) often blame others and become “angry victims.” Assertive communications often begin with ownership and “I-statements.” By contrast, aggressive communications often begin with blame and “You-statements.”

For example, if Beth used assertiveness skills instead of triangulating with her mom, then she might say to John: “I felt hurt and unappreciated when you canceled two hours before we were planning to leave for the concert. I didn’t have enough time to find someone else, and I ended up not going because I didn’t want to go alone. I couldn’t get a refund for the $40 I spent. In the future, if you don’t want to go to an event with me, I would like for you to tell me no thanks, you’re not interested.” She may also see if John will take responsibility for his behavior and reimburse her for the price of the tickets.

By contrast, if Beth became aggressive with John she might say, “You are unreliable, self-centered, and I will never invite you to another event for as long as I live. You’re a jerk and you owe me $40!” As most of us have found out the hard way, aggressive behaviors often create high drama in relationships (win/lose) rather than looking for ways to learn lessons and create win/win resolutions.

The bottom line is this: John may not take responsibility for his behavior no matter how Beth communicates. However, John is more likely to listen to Beth, apologize, and pay the $40 if she is assertive rather than aggressive.

If, after reading this article, Mom (Dorothy) decides to disengage from triangulation and practice healthy communication skills with her family, she could alternatively:

Not “take on” Beth’s or John’s emotions and stay neutral. Since triangles thrive on high emotions and anxiety, a calm response can often help de-escalate situations.
Identify her own feelings with family members and ask for heart-to-heart talks with each person involved.
Suggest that Beth and John honestly talk to one another about their issue. She could encourage them to take turns attentively listening to one another—not in an attempt to be right, but as a way to step into the other’s shoes.

Payoffs for Strengthening Your Skills
By trading triangulation for a compassionate, assertive communication style, you courageously heighten the authenticity in your life. In addition, you develop direct connections with others and allow in deeper levels of emotional intimacy. Disengaging from passive-aggressive communication—and triangulation—awards you the opportunity to flex your assertiveness muscles and strengthen your sense of personal empowerment.

If you feel that it’s time to heighten or refine your communication skill set, then consider contacting me about Assertiveness Training. I will teach you how to:

Recognize passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive, and assertive behavior
Communicate assertively
Set healthy limits and boundaries
Balance assertive behavior with compassionate listening when conflicts arise
Pursue win/win (rather than win/lose) conflict resolution results

My Assertiveness Training offers interactive communication exercises that are educational as well as inspirational. During the training, you can practice communicating assertively in the safe environment of my office. Humor and playfulness are integral parts of this educational process.

In addition, through hypnotherapy experiences, you will receive an opportunity to strengthen your connection to your own inner wisdom and authentic voice. As a result, you will develop tools and skills to genuinely connect with others…in more mindful and meaningful ways.

Names and details in example are fictitious and for educational purposes.

Spring – Releasing & Renewing

March 4, 2010 by Trina Swerdlow

As our winter hibernation period winds down, we lethargically come out of our cozy caves, stretch, and feel the warmth of the sun. When our muscles and limbs warm up, we receive a surge of new energy. Spring has arrived! After a good afternoon frolic in the sun, we are given an opportunity to return to our caves with fresh eyes. After inventorying our oftentimes-cluttered environments (or closets), we may become inspired to engage in some spring cleaning.

The great thing about spring cleaning is that we are given an opportunity to assess that which physically inhabits our caves (or homes). For example, we first clarify what is currently serving us and therefore still belongs in our environment. The second step is to determine what is no longer serving us and give it away, sell it, or have it recycled. If we have objects or “keepsakes” to release that have sentimental value, then we can consider taking photos of each one and creating a photo album to contain and honor the memory of these treasures.

After we’ve made some space, we can then take the fun third step of inviting in whatever else we need. This is the time to consider if there are new things we want to add into the existing mix. The exciting opportunity here is that we can each update our environment so that it resonates with who we are today. So there you have, in a nutshell, the act of physical spring cleaning.

Did you know that there is another type of spring cleaning beyond the physical? Yep, I call it emotional spring cleaning. Emotional spring cleaning is what I often do with clients in my private practice—year round. For example, I ask someone who is seeking tools for stress relief, “What are you carrying in your life that feels like a burden?” Then, our work often consists of hoisting the burdens off the client’s shoulders, and onto the floor between us. We metaphorically let the burdens gently spill onto the floor allowing each one to receive some light. From this higher perspective…we now let the healing begin. Ely, use purple sentence for enlarged quote?

We sit patiently together, identifying, sorting, and clarifying what each burden represents in his or her life. “Paths not taken,” is a recurring topic of discussion. Guilt, shame, regret, and grief are commonly uncovered during this inquiry process. For example, feelings of grief due to:

Unrequited love
Job choices
Unhealthy choices regarding physical health
Childbearing or childrearing choices

Sometimes, even when outwardly a person’s life looks rich and fulfilling, inwardly he or she may be experiencing a sense of emptiness. In addition, many clients are carrying emotional burdens for other people—burdens over which they have no control or any power to change. If they determine they are carrying an emotional burden that is truly someone else’s, then they can consider compassionately releasing the burden and energetically returning it to the rightful owner.

For this purpose, I offer numerous tools, including hypnotherapy, which often assist in lightening emotional loads. These internal spring cleaning and personal inventory processes offer my clients an opportunity to strengthen their boundaries and choose to carry burdens that are appropriately within their realms of control.

In my own life, when I first learned about healthy boundaries, I began releasing numerous heavy burdens that I’d carried for far too long. As a result, I used tools to assist me in sorting issues out. Then I would explore whether I owned the problem, or if the problem belonged to another. These new skills enabled me to set healthy boundaries with others and myself…what a life-changing time! This was a time when I stopped sleepwalking, with the weight of the world on my shoulders, and gratefully…woke up. With newfound vision, I finally had the clarity to decide what I needed to release and what was truly one of my own issues to feel, heal, and integrate.

I often see a recurring gift that clients receive after they’ve gone through this process of sorting through their burdens with me. Once a layer of the emotional spring cleaning is complete and they have clarified and compassionately released burdens that are not appropriately theirs to bear—a clearing appears. After they’ve created some space and added breathing room, they then have an opportunity to invite in what they need in their lives today.

This empowering process can be a great way for each of us to update our “internal environment” and continually clear out heavy burdens we have no control over. We lose emotional weight, which then often inspires losing physical weight (an added benefit). Meanwhile, we no longer need to unconsciously “feed” and continually grow the pile of stress-full burdens!

When we dive in to release and renew both physically as well as emotionally, we are honoring who we are in this precious moment—mind, body, and spirit. Finally, from this recharged place we can declare that indeed, spring has sprung…inwardly and outwardly!

Trina Swerdlow is proud to be one of the honorees at the upcoming celebratory event, Women of Influence, on Wednesday April 21, 5:30 – 7:30 pm. Join us at Back Forty Texas BBQ, 100 Coggins Drive, Pleasant Hill. Complimentary food and live music provided by Fundz Jazz.

Trina has a private practice in downtown Danville. She soulfully shares her creative approach to personal growth and passionately supports her clients in reaching their goals. You can reach her at:
(925) 285.5759, or info@TrinaSwerdlow.com. Next time you’re online, check out Trina’s inspiring website: www.TrinaSwerdlow.com

Certified Clinical Hypnotherapy services in California can be alternative or complementary to licensed healing arts, such as psychotherapy.

Mindfully Embracing Change

February 1, 2010 by Trina Swerdlow

Dealing with change is an ongoing issue in all of our lives. Therefore, understanding our own personal style of dealing with various aspects of change—beginnings, middles, and endings—can be helpful. Comedian Jerry Seinfeld in his book, SeinLanguage, shares an insightful and humorous story called “Dining Out” that inspired me to come up with the following scenario. This example should shine some light on how many of us unconsciously react to beginnings, middles, and endings.

First, imagine that we’re going to share a meal in a Chinese restaurant with a group of friends. Envision a scene where we are all in the restaurant gathered around a table. Get a sense of how hungry we all are. During this beginning stage of the meal, everyone pores over the menu, and there’s HIGH energy flowing as we consider what delicious dishes to order and share. With great delight, we negotiate and anticipate all the various flavors of the forthcoming meal. Lightness and laughter fill the air as we each think to ourselves—this will be the greatest meal ever!

Without a second thought, we order a round of drinks and exotic appetizers. While sipping the drinks and nibbling the appetizers, we continue our progression into this middle stage of the dining experience. At this point, we jovially debate with our friends over which entrees look best. The waiter then takes our order, while we longingly gaze at the photographs of the various dishes that are featured in the menu. Our eyes occasionally dart from the menu to the other waiters who are walking by with large trays of steaming aromatic plates of food. At this point we’re still sipping our drinks and crunching the appetizers, however, we can hardly wait until our entrees arrive!

When the entrees arrive, our energetic enthusiasm continues to escalate while we smell the incredible scents wafting across the table from each meticulously seasoned dish.

“Oh my—this is a feast!” one friend chortles with eyes wide.

Amidst a flurry of plate passing and stimulating conversation, the meal is quickly devoured. Twenty or so minutes go by, and the inevitable happens…the meal comes to an end. At this point, the garnishes no longer appear elegant—they now look half-eaten or wilted.

During this ending stage of the meal, we slump back, loosen our belts, and let out exhausted sighs. With glazed eyes, we look at the napkins on the table, which are tattered and crumpled into stained paper balls. (And, as Seinfeld reminds us, in the “old days” we probably would have witnessed a cigarette butt lodged in the leftover rice.) Oi vey…

Not surprisingly, as we stare at the ravaged dishes before us, we don’t think we will ever eat again…and the thought of food is no longer even remotely attractive.

“Why did I eat that last egg roll?” someone bellyaches across the table (buyer’s remorse is beginning to set in).

“Whose crazy idea was it to order so many darn noodle dishes?” another person grumbles while shifting uncomfortably in his/her seat.

And, that’s about the time when we receive…the check. Through low muffled tones, we communicate our disbelief about the final amount of “the check” and alas—our perky and enthusiastic tones, which were rampant during the initial HIGH stages of the “dining experience,” are now…nowhere to be found.

We sheepishly pass the check around…and around…the table whispering, “Is this right? How can this be?”

As we continue mumbling to one another, we finally agree upon how much tip to leave. On that note, the curtain closes and the lights dim.
~ : ~

Can you relate to this exaggerated, but undeniably common, dining scenario? Clearly, our unconscious behaviors in everyday situations offer us many opportunities to giggle about how our humanness “shows up” in our lives. And, although giggling and humor are absolutely valid stress reducers, practicing mindfulness is an additional way that we can enhance our everyday health and wellbeing.

Living mindfully asks us to awaken and learn to be aware in each moment. We practice tuning in to life with all of our senses—seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, touching…and listening with our hearts.

By contrast, the dining scenario example illustrates how, when we lack mindfulness, we may continually struggle with disappointments in our lives and miss out on simply being in the moment. Did you notice how there was little mindfulness of “being in the moment” expressed during the example? Even while we were sipping drinks and eating appetizers we were thinking about what entrees to order (watching other people’s dishes go by on platters) and fantasizing about how great our upcoming entrees were going to taste (future thinking).

And during the ending of the meal, gratitude for the experience, or an appreciation for feeling full, wasn’t in the mix. Isn’t it amazing how much time many of us spend thinking about the future or the past—ironically missing the most important moment…now.

Let’s scale our dining example down for a moment, and think about mindfulness as it relates to drinking a cup of tea (we’ll start small). Imagine practicing staying fully present during the beginning, the middle, and the ending of the tea-drinking experience. For example, we can practice staying present while heating the water and steeping the tea (beginning), drinking the tea (middle), and after the last sip is received, being mindful of how we’re feeling while placing the empty cup into its saucer (ending).

The opposite of mindfulness is being asleep in our lives. We may be tuned in to our minds (thoughts), but we may be asleep when it comes to our bodily responses or our emotional responses. In this way, we often resist change or endings and notice feelings of disappointment after the tea is gone, rather than embracing a moment of gratitude for the tea. Meanwhile, if we focus only on our negative responses to the ending stage, then we miss enjoying the pleasurable warmth of the tea in our stomachs.

In addition, if we are prone to possessing exceptionally high or perfectionistic expectations, then we will undoubtedly struggle with all three stages of change—the beginnings, middles, and endings. For this reason, life will continually have a difficult time ever measuring up to the “perfect fantasies” in our minds. As a “recovering perfectionist” myself, practicing mindfulness has become an important tool that I continue to be grateful for in my daily life.

In 1979, Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn developed the Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) program at the University of Massachusetts Medical Center. Since its introduction, MBSR has become a complementary holistic method offered for a variety of health challenges. Studies regarding MBSR’s effectiveness have shown that, for a majority of participants, pain-related drug use decreased, whereas activity levels and feelings of self-esteem increased.

For this reason, through meditation and hypnotherapy during private sessions, I teach clients how to reduce stress by becoming more mindful. When we’re listening, our somatic or bodily responses offer important messages. Unfortunately, when these messages are ignored the symptoms often become louder and may include an escalation of pain in an attempt to get our attention.

We might think of pain (emotional and physical) as nature’s way of sounding a warning alarm. Just as our minds sometimes hold unaddressed memories and traumas—so do our bodies. Frozen or stuck feelings and memories can create a sense of dis-ease in the mind and the body. When left unaddressed, these memories and traumas may eventually manifest in the form of stress-related diseases.

During private sessions, clients talk with me about challenging situations in their lives—including when they felt fear, judgment, anger, disappointment, or sadness. After compassionately listening, I often ask, “Where in your body (right now) are you experiencing these feelings?” Inviting clients to tune in to their bodily responses (negative as well as positive responses) gives them an opportunity to mindfully:

Quiet their thoughts
Come home to the present moment
Listen to their bodies
Begin to discharge unhealthy energies
Connect with their inner wisdom

Inspired by the positive results I see in many of my clients’ lives, I recently created a newsletter, “Trina’s Transformational Tips for Mindful Living.” (Subscribing information is at the end of this article.) This newsletter will be filled with practical information, stress-reducing tips, announcements of my upcoming workshops, and much more (including my butterfly painting logo).

So, as we wind down our mindfulness topic…if it feels right, consider taking a nice, deep breath right now and coming home to this one and only precious moment. As you take another breath, notice if there are any scents in the air. Consider whether you are in a beginning, middle, or ending stage of your day? How’s your body feeling right now? Would shifting a bit add to your comfort?
When you’re ready, broaden your focus by looking around and becoming aware of what is surrounding you. See if you can simply be with what is—right now. Ahhh…and that was a tiny taste of practicing mindfulness.

Finally, when we practice staying present—during beginnings, middles, and endings—we tune in to our mind-body-spirit wholeness and mindfully embrace change…one moment at a time.

To receive my free newsletter, “Trina’s Transformational Tips for Mindful Living,” sign-up here: www.TrinaSwerdlow.com

Isn’t it Time to Move Beyond Our Mysterious Weight Loss Barriers?

January 8, 2010 by Trina Swerdlow

With 2009 behind us, we may want to compassionately assess how much impulse control we exhibited regarding the overwhelming number of temptations that were offered to us during the onslaught of holiday cheer (sometimes morphing afterward into holiday jeer!). The good news is that this fresh New Year may serve as an opportunity to take a serious look at what has been blocking us in reaching our healthy weight loss goals. I’ve heard many inquiring new clients say things like—You’re my last resort! I’ve tried everything and am still struggling with my weight…and I absolutely hate looking in the mirror.

In my private practice, I offer tools and strategies for people who are ready to get to the bottom of what mysterious barriers have been blocking them from losing their excess unhealthy weight. So, before we declare that we are simply unmotivated and are “weak-willed” people, let’s consider the fact that there may be some complex issues unconsciously driving our overeating impulses. Often, clients are surprised by what they learn about themselves in our sessions. For instance, here is an experience that a client graciously gave me permission to share:

Several years ago, I went to see Trina with a goal of losing weight. I appreciate how she took me deeper in our individual sessions—beyond the ‘making healthy choices,’ ‘strengthening will power,’ and other self-hypnosis exercises that are on her weight loss CDs.

During one of my private sessions with Trina, I discovered the link to my mother and grandmother’s way of leaving life…by not eating. This new awareness beamed a light through a window that I didn’t know was closed! What I realized was: I thought of dieting as ‘not eating’ and I thought of ‘not eating’ (unconsciously) as leading to death. For that reason—I couldn’t diet. When I recognized the faulty connections in my conscious and unconscious, the overeating challenges disappeared.

“Now, as I continue to watch my weight, I quickly notice when my waistband feels tighter, and I realize that it’s time for a booster shot of listening to Trina’s weight loss CDs. I know I have the tools to maintain my desired weight and I have. Thanks Trina!” —Babs Bee

What I love about offering hypnotherapy is that, through deep relaxation, my clients have an opportunity to explore underlying issues that may be sabotaging their goal reaching. Exploring under the surface of a challenging issue, and addressing the roots, can be extremely productive. As illustrated by many of my clients’ successes, unhealthy habits often lose their power when unconscious issues are brought into the light where conscious understanding and integration can take place.
During the personal growth process, in addition to focusing on releasing our excess weight, we often explore how to:

stop using food in an attempt to manage emotions
love ourselves from the inside out—at any weight
uncover negative core beliefs

Early in my work with weight loss clients, I often ask, “Do you have any limiting core beliefs?” A core belief is a positive or negative perception you have about yourself. For example, a positive core belief would be that you feel intelligent and competent. A negative core belief would be that you feel like an imposter. Residing at the core of an “Imposter Syndrome” are often feelings of being incompetent. I explain to clients who suffer with an Imposter Syndrome that a common critical inner dialogue might include some of these thoughts:

“If you really knew me, you’d know that I’m not intelligent, not attractive, and not worthy of praise. My accomplishments and successes have all come from good timing or from luck.”

The Impostor Syndrome is a term educators and psychologists use to describe someone who is unable to internalize their past or current accomplishments. People struggling with an Impostor Syndrome don’t believe that they deserve their successes—and at a core level they feel like a fraud. For this reason, deflecting compliments is a common response from someone who has an Imposter Syndrome.

We all have various core beliefs about ourselves. Some of us feel good about ourselves, and sadly, as illustrated by the Imposter Syndrome, some of us feel a sense of shame about ourselves. Our positive perceptions add to our self-esteem, creating a strong foundation for our sense of self. By contrast, our negative perceptions give us a rocky foundation that can leave us feeling “less than” others.

If we haven’t uncovered or addressed our negative core beliefs, then they may lead to a weak or shaky feeling in our foundations that can result in low self-esteem. Unfortunately, negative core beliefs can sabotage our weight loss success by keeping us stuck in an unconscious cycle of supporting and fulfilling our negative beliefs.

For instance, if we keep saying to ourselves: “I know I’ll always be overweight, and I don’t have any willpower to change,” then guess what? If we’re not using tools to unravel, weaken, and counter this negative core belief with opposing positive evidence, then this belief is likely to become stronger and stronger.

Eventually, unless interrupted, our limiting core beliefs can become self-fulfilling prophecies. Uncovering negative core beliefs can be a way to address our “unconscious self-sabotaging.” For example, believing:

I’m unlovable
I am permanently stuck at this unhealthy weight
I don’t deserve to be happy

Negative core beliefs can keep us stuck in overeating cycles. These self-destructive cycles can perpetuate retaining our extra weight and create a sense of helplessness and hopelessness. Unfortunately, when self-destructive cycles are uninterrupted, they can lead to depression, which, is sometimes referred to as anger turned inward.

In my private practice, in addition to hypnotherapy work, I offer clients a take-home educational worksheet that they fill out when they are feeling stressed. The steps on the worksheet help people interrupt their stress responses, identify negative core beliefs (sometimes referred to as “stinkin’ thinkin’), and lower their anxiety levels in the process. I receive great feedback from clients who regularly use this tool. (And yes, I admit that I use this wonderful worksheet in my own life too—when I’m feeling stressed!)

So, now that we’ve explored the topic of unconscious blocks that can inhibit goal reaching, are you aware of any unhealthy core beliefs that may be sabotaging your success? If so, then moving beyond these unconscious barriers may enable you to achieve your healthy goals this year.

Finally, why not step onto a path of action today? Call me if you’d like new tools, resources, and a “power partner” for your exciting journey. After all, isn’t it time to move beyond any mysterious weight loss barriers…and claim the healthiest mind-body possible in 2010?

Trina Swerdlow, BFA, CCHT, is a certified clinical hypnotherapist, an artist, and the author of the 2-CD Set, Weight Loss: Powerful & Easy-to-Use Tools for Releasing Excess Weight. She is also the author of Stress Reduction Journal: Meditate and Journal Your Way to Better Health. Her CDs and her book are available directly from Trina or from John Muir Women’s Health Center online store: www.womenshealthcenterstore.com/books1.html
Trina has a private practice in downtown Danville. She soulfully shares her creative approach to personal growth and passionately supports her clients in reaching their goals. You can reach her at: (925) 285.5759, or info@TrinaSwerdlow.com.

Next time you’re online, check out Trina’s inspiring website! www.TrinaSwerdlow.com

Certified Clinical Hypnotherapy services in California can be alternative or complementary to licensed healing arts, such as psychotherapy.

Creating a Soul-Full Holiday

December 10, 2009 by Trina Swerdlow

soul-full Endless to-do lists, long lines, traffic jams, frazzled nerves, short-tempered drivers—rushing…rushing…rushing…or is it dashing…dashing…dashing to survive another holiday?

Sound familiar? Then you may find that your holiday cheer has turned into holiday fear: fear of survival, not having enough cash or credit for presents, fear of not being skinny enough to fit into your cocktail attire, and fear of not knowing when to stop committing to relentless holiday celebrations.

As a Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist who offers tools for stress management and weight loss, I get many opportunities during this time of the year to remind my clients to not lose touch with what is really important about the holidays. When any of us forgets to mindfully check in with our heart’s needs and desires, we often experience stress-full and soul-less celebrations.

Abandoning mindfulness over the holidays may offer us colorful nights of socializing, overeating, and partying, but can leave us with a hefty price tag. The first indication of overindulgence may be when our bathroom scales report the “physical damage.” Our waistlines then “second the motion” by rebelling against the miserably tight clothes. A third indicator may be when we see ourselves frantically running around exhausted, shopping bags under our arms and brown bags under our eyes. Finally, due to our tight skirts and slacks, we find ourselves breathing shallowly from our upper chests and, at times, unconsciously holding our breaths. If we keep up this unhealthy pace, we may find ourselves experiencing Stress Responses.

In my book, Stress Reduction Journal: Meditate and Journal Your Way to Better Health, I list some additional common physical symptoms of Stress Responses: tense shoulders, sweating, tension around the eyes, increased heart rate, jaw tension, and neck tension. Then, add mind tension to the physical tension and we’ll really be escalating our stress levels! Mind tension consists of worrisome thoughts like, “What if people don’t have a good time at my party?” or, “What if my spouse doesn’t like his or her gift?” The worrisome thoughts and bodily tensions may be subtle while we’re busy, and then come into our awareness when we’re no longer distracted. For example, our mind-body agitation may become noticeable while we’re trying to relax or sleep.

Many of us experience varying degrees of Stress Responses to situations that aren’t physically threatening, but feel psychologically threatening. For instance, let’s say you get into an argument with your spouse or other family member (not uncommon during the holidays). If neither of you are violent types, then clearly there is no threat to anyone’s survival. However, due to the perceived emotional threat, a Stress Response is triggered. That night, you find yourself unable to sleep as a result of the stress hormones your adrenal glands secreted earlier that day. In bed, you toss and turn as you replay the argument over and over in your mind. As you continue to feel agitated, you notice that your jaw is unusually tense and you’re sweating.

This is a good example of how the mind and body fuel one another during a Stress Response. Worrying and having scary thoughts are the mind’s way of igniting a Stress Response. Worrisome thoughts that include “always” and “never” are red flags for distorted thinking. All-or-nothing thinking is stressful
and often distorted because it tells us that whatever is wrong is black-and-white with absolutely no grays, and offers no hope of changing.

Another example of distorted thinking occurs when a thought that is overwhelmingly negative ends with a catastrophe. These extreme feelings are called catastrophic thoughts. Worrisome and catastrophic thoughts often begin with a, “What if…?” So, while you are lying in bed unable to sleep after an argument,
you may find yourself worrying: “What if my spouse and I never resolve our differences?” “We’re always fighting, what if we end up getting divorced?” “Then, what if I become ill and can’t support myself?”

Whew! These catastrophic thoughts are gold-foiled invitations for adrenaline to pump. The good news is we can learn to recognize our Stress Responses and use tools to counter them and move toward Relaxation Responses. Like the Stress Response, the Relaxation Response is a body and mind issue. At the body level, we move toward a Relaxation Response by letting go of muscle tension. In so doing, we lengthen our muscle fibers by relaxing. Regular periods of relaxation allow our bodies to repair and recharge. Consequently, we have a storehouse of energy to counter stress and to use for healing, when needed.
Letting go (at both body and mind levels) decreases our heart rates, blood pressure, and breathing rates.

At the mind level, we move toward a Relaxation Response by letting go of scary or worrisome thoughts. We catch our “What if…?” thoughts quickly and counter them with rational feedback to ourselves. Doing so switches us out of the emotional sides of our brains and into the rational, logical sides. As a result, we interrupt the worry cycle. So if you hear yourself thinking, “What if people don’t have a good time at my party?” you could counter and re-frame it with: “Then I’ll need to accept it, knowing that I can’t control other people’s feelings. And, I can only do my best in creating a fun atmosphere with good music and refreshments. There’s no need for me to strive for perfection, since perfection simply doesn’t exist.”

And, if you hear yourself thinking, “What if my spouse doesn’t like his or her gift?” you can counter and re-frame it with: “Then we’ll return it and get something he or she loves. We can have a nice walk in nature afterward to make it a fun outing together.”

In addition to re-framing negative thoughts to relax your mind, regularly schedule various forms of exercise during the holidays to help dissipate muscle tension. Walking in nature and practicing yoga are activities that help many people quiet their minds and bodies. In my private practice, I continually remind clients to take plenty of “time-outs” for themselves.

To avoid burnout it’s important to balance the external focus of the holidays by scheduling quiet time each day. Meditation, prayer, or journaling are a few ways to water and nourish the internal landscape. Deep belly breathing, in addition to spending at least ten or fifteen minutes a day going inward, can be helpful in staying connected to innermost thoughts, feelings, and needs. For parents of small children, I suggest that they consider taking their relaxing “time-out” to recharge while their kids are napping.

In addition, when asked to spread ourselves too thin during the holidays, we may consider turning a few “Ho, Ho, Ho’s” into “No, No, No’s.” Does this mean we become rigid or self-centered? Absolutely not! We can still actively listen to each loved one’s heartfelt holiday desires and negotiate family plans so that everyone gets heard, honored, and loved in the process.

My last suggestion for creating a soul-full holiday is to strive to maintain realistic expectations. Let’s face it—many of us have great imaginations about how things “should” be. However, real life has a difficult time living up to our fabulous, yet unrealistic, fantasies. Comparing our experiences to what we witness in movies or on television is a surefire set-up that can leave us with the holiday blues.

Therefore, to avoid a blue period, keep reeling in those high expectations and consider nurturing a humble attitude-of-gratitude. Doing so can open and awaken us to the subtle sweetness of the season and steadily grow our abilities to appreciate.

In closing, I’ve been writing my ALIVE column for over three years now and would like to thank all of you who have emailed me to express your appreciation for my shared thoughts and words. I look forward to sharing more tips and inspirations (including a new book) with you in 2010. I would also like to thank those of you who read my column, phoned me, and became clients or referred others to me. You have given me the privilege of your trust. I am honored to offer you and your loved ones tools and to be a “power partner” with you.

Let me wish all of you a holiday that connects you to others in soulful ways. The external stuff may be glamorous and fun, but in the end, the emotional connections are what we will undoubtedly remember the most…so remember to create a truly soul-full holiday!

If you need a stress-busting “Stocking Stuffer” for yourself or a loved one, then consider Stress Reduction Journal: Meditate and Journal Your Way to Better Health.

Authenticity for the Whole Family

November 6, 2009 by Trina Swerdlow

Last month I touched on the topic of authenticity in relation to the film Whale Rider. This month I want to expand on the topic and let you know about two excellent books that help cultivate authenticity for family members of various ages. Be Yourself, Everyone Else Is Already Taken—Transform Your Life With the Power of Authenticity is a book for us grown-ups. Liking Myself is a book that encourages authentic expression for children.

Be Yourself, Everyone Else Is Already Taken is written by bestselling author and motivational speaker Mike Robbins. One of the things I love about this book is how much Robbins reveals about himself. Robbins’ enthusiasm and compassion flow freely as he shares deeply throughout his book. Early in the book, we learn that his career playing professional baseball in the Kansas City Royals organization ended abruptly when he tore ligaments in his left elbow at the age of twenty-three. The injury tragically blew out his pitching arm. Robbins describes the devastating end of his athletic career as being one of the greatest lessons of his life. As the result of his loss, he embraced a new way of living—he learned how to live more authentically by appreciating life and himself in each moment.

Robbins describes authenticity as being yourself—fully. He encourages us to understand, own, appreciate, and express all of who we are. He writes,

“When we’re authentic, we’re vulnerable, aware, open, curious…We’re in touch with our thoughts and our feelings, our doubts and our fears, our dreams and our passions, and so much more.”

One part of Be Yourself, Everyone Else Is Already Taken explores various ways we lose our authentic selves. Robbins clarifies the pressures we experience to conform in families, schools, religions, as well as the intense media pressure that bombards us. In the section, “Know Yourself,” Robbins encourages readers to look deep within. He describes some things being “above the line”—like actions we take, habits we have, and roles we play. Whereas, he describes things “below the line”—as being thoughts, feelings, attitudes, values, beliefs, and imagination.

This rich book is filled with interactive exercises and practices that empower readers to express themselves more fully, confront and transform fear, take risks and go for what they want most out of life. If becoming more authentic interests you, then check with your local bookstore or amazon.com.

Now let’s shift our focus to a children’s book that helps cultivate authenticity. Liking Myself is written by author Pat Palmer, Ed.D. This small but powerful book targets readers who are ages 5 to 9; however, it is actually a great read for us adults too. Dr. Palmer is a therapist and former Director of the Assertiveness Training Institute in Denver, and she clearly has a lot of wisdom to share. Liking Myself is filled with clever illustrations and exercises that make learning about how to be authentic and assertive…great fun.

One part of Liking Myself encourages readers to “stop saying mean things” to themselves. A related exercise suggests thinking “I am lovable and valuable” whenever they walk through a door, enter a car, or come to a stop sign. Dr. Palmer encourages readers to practice this positive exercise for two weeks. I work with a lot of clients to assist them in taming their oversized inner critics—doesn’t this sound like a great exercise for us adults to try as well? Unfortunately, it’s all too common to walk into a room full of people and worry about how we look or how we’re being received. In addition, saying to ourselves “I am lovable and valuable” could be a great mantra to practice when we’re walking through a door for a job interview.

I appreciate that Liking Myself covers numerous topics about how to improve mind-body connection—including how to listen to what your body is saying to you. One cute drawing that artist Betty Shondeck created for the Body Talk section shows a child sitting in a chair with little thought clouds coming from various parts of her body that read: “I am tight! I am clenched! I am relaxed!…” This illustration serves as a great reminder to tune in to the state of our bodies—before the messages get louder or become painful. If you want to learn more about this little gem of a book, it is available from amazon.com or from www.uplift.com.

In my own life, one of my lessons has been learning how to go from being in my head to inhabiting my body more fully. For this reason, I often share tools with clients that I’ve personally found helpful. These tools teach people how to tune in and learn how to decipher what their bodies are trying to tell them. For example, hypnotherapy is an excellent method for dialoguing with the body, sensing what it’s trying to communicate—as well as better understanding what the body needs.

Numerous clients that I’ve worked with relate to the notion of spending much of their adult lives living “above the neck.” And, I always affirm and bless that some of us needed to “be in our heads” to cope with challenging childhoods—so this served us well until we could learn healthier ways to become more authentic and more fully integrated…mind-body-spirit.

TRINA SWERDLOW