Feature

I bet it involves a mask

After virtually 15 months of living through COVID madness, COVID hysteria, COVID mania, it’s probably safe to say we’re all ready to get back to normal. That would be the new normal. Raise your hand if you have any idea what the new normal is these days? I wasn’t all that normal to begin with, but those are personal issues that I’m working on with my team. The new normal will undoubtedly involve masks—more on that later—but it may also still involve washing our hands, hand sanitizer, limited seating at entertainment-type events, not to mention working from home, restricted travel, and antisocial distancing. Please understand that I’m not making light of a global pandemic, however, I’m just ready to move on…..now that I got my double Pfizer vaccine and several hundred COVID preventative masks.

Masks: It was a little over 15 months ago that if you walked into a bank wearing a mask the alarm would have been triggered and you’d be given a dye pack with your withdrawal. That’s a bank robber joke. Masks have become so commonplace you’d think we’d been wearing these things forever. That said, most days I still double back to my car to grab one of my collection of 28 masks that litter the floor of my car. I hate those things. If I never wore a mask again in my life, I’d be fine. Those damn things limit my free breathing of air, fog my glasses and spend more time as a chin diaper than an actual germ constrictor/restrictor. That said, I’ll wear my mask to the bank, gym, post office and grocery store until otherwise notified because it’s apparently against the law now and if I’m anything it’s a law-abiding citizen who will comply with the new normal mask laws.

Masks: I haven’t worn a mask to a movie since I dressed up as Frankfurter at the Rocky Horror Picture Show. It was less a mask and more just a lot of makeup. How am I going to eat my tub of movie house popcorn if I must wear a surgical mask to the picture show? Most places allow you to remove your mask to eat, but then what’s the point of wearing it at all I ask? I guess I could wear a mask into and out of a sporting event or outdoor concert venue, but aren’t these people I’m coming and going with the same ones I’ll be sitting next to enjoying an adult beverage and legal inhalant? This new normal/wearing mask could be an annoyance.

Masks: What if I attend a wedding/funeral (sometimes a very similar event), a trade show or some other type of indoor participatory activity such as bowling, dancing or shopping? Do I wear my mask every time I walk through a door? What if I visit friends, go to my office and/or pick up a Mocha Frappa Al Pacino at Starbucks? My Alexa says YES, you must wear a mask until Siri says you can take it off or risk being arrested for indecent face exposure. Masks are the new watches, but does anyone wear a watch anymore? I should invent a mask that tells time. Wait, don’t anyone steal my idea because it’s genius! Mask watches will be the new, new normal.

Masks: Some people, and you know who you are, don’t mind wearing masks. I’ve heard it said, masks have become so common place that it is now not normal to travel without a face condom. As we head into the summer months, it’s one thing to wear a mask in the winter or spring when there’s a cool marine layer, but just wait until it’s 110 degrees for a solid week in July and you have to do yard work or attend one of your kid’s sporting events wearing a thick wool mask with your tank-top, shorts and flip flops (my go-to summer attire). Oh yea, that will be fun. No trouble breathing when pollen and dust mix with a lethal dose of sweat. Those will be some good new normal times.

Masks: Doctors used to think they were so cool when they would come out of surgery with their masks on to give a concerned family good or bad news. Total GOD complex. Now everyone has 50 surgical masks in the glove compartment of their car. You can’t even pretend to be a doctor, not that I ever tried that lame come on…..very often. We now see masks on our favorite characters of television shows, streaming movies, sporting events and music videos. I’m pretty sure Micky and Minnie Mouse wear masks at Disneyland. I’ve heard that American Girl Dolls have a line of masks as do Lulu Lemon, Athletica, and every college and pro sports team, rock band, and popular liquor line. If Playboy was still in circulation, I’m confident the lovely ladies would make masks look sexy and appealing. COVID masks, of one type or another, will likely be the new normal for years to come.

Masks: With Halloween just a few months away, masks will once again become of the cultural fabric, not that they aren’t already. I’ve been known to sport an occasional Mike Meyer’s Halloween mask, a catcher’s mask, a Kabuki mask (if my Kimono is clean and I’m feeling Kabukisih), and an occasional exfoliant mask for my sensitive skincare. None of these have the global appeal of the COVID-19 mask, but they are keeping with the new normal mask heavy theme of this article.

Masks: While I like to joke about the mask, and might even watch The Mask starring Jim Carey, I certainly understand the importance of maintaining preventative mask etiquette for the foreseeable future. That said, I’ll never be one of those people who wear a mask while driving alone in my car, walking on a deserted trail, taking a shower, or while on a ZOOM call. I don’t judge, that’s just not me. The “New Normal” will certainly involve mask wearing, but it could be worse. At least it’s not the flatulence pandemic several fortune tellers and psychics were predicting a few years ago. Just imagine that mask.

Side note: If you’re starting to feel like the Pfizer versus Moderna vaccines are reminiscent of the Blood and Crips drug battles from the 1980s, you’re not the only one. Poor Johnson & Johnson has got to feel like the lowly Latin Kings not getting any gang drug love. Maybe J&J needs to come out with a cool mask to get back in the nation’s good graces?

“Let not your hearts be troubled.”[1]

If your political view is to the left; whether you consider yourself a liberal, a progressive, or even a radical, you should have quite a bit to be happy about these days. The overall climate is in your favor – sunny and clear!

On the academic front there is nary a college remaining anywhere in the United States which will even entertain the notion of an idea emanating from the right; a university campus is the safest place to be for those whose hearts and minds are closed to traditional viewpoints. Happily, for you this even includes all of the military academies as well.

Entertainment? Unless you view a film or television program made before 1990 or view a movie made by either one of those discredited white males, Mel Gibson or Clint Eastwood, all your mainstream entertainment has been sanitized for your protection. Literature is the same. No publisher would dare print anything which doesn’t meet the standards of Political Correctness. And you can pat yourself on the back for how enlightened professional sports have become also. Mainstream music today is the same. Most of it may appear to be trite tripe—pablum for the auditory senses—but at least it isn’t controversial. You can count on New York, Hollywood, and yes, even Nashville, to produce nothing but the most innocuous music possible.

Your source of news, whether they be your daily newspaper, your local television news, broadcast network news, or cable news (apart from FOX), will happily confirm all your biases, as will everything on the internet. Even The Drudge Report has gotten with the program. And any social media you use has been purged of anything even smelling of the political right—Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, Instagram, Spotify—you name it.

All those problematic individuals who questioned today’s “acceptable” political premises, beliefs and philosophy have been de-platformed, never to be seen again anywhere—just ask the folks who created PARLER. With the departure of Brian Sussman, Lori Green, Rush Limbaugh, and Michael Savage the A.M. Talk Radio format has also been effectively neutralized. You are no longer even obligated to attend a house of worship as the Wuhan Flu has closed all of them up for nearly a year now, so your conscience is safe.

And then there is your political representation. Nationally the Democrats have The Executive Branch, both houses of the Legislative Branch, and as for the Supreme Court, don’t worry, President Joseph Biden has assured everyone that a little “packing” will be in order soon. Senator Chuck Schumer is the Majority Leader in the Senate and Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi is the Speaker of the House of Representatives.

California Senators? We haven’t had a dreaded white male Republican representing us in the Senate since John Seymour over a quarter of a century ago. And it has been exactly a quarter of a century since we had a Republican Congressman—Bill Baker—in the East Bay, and inland it was over a dozen years ago when Richard Pombo held a seat out in the San Joaquin Valley’s 11^th District.

All your Senators, Congressmen and Congresswomen, State Senators, and State Assemblymen and State Assemblywoman are all of the same party, as is the Governor, Gavin Newsom. Thanks to a bizarre primary ballot you can rest assured California will remain a One-Party State for a long, long time to come. From City Councils to County Commissioners, you’re covered!

And then there is our history.

We used to celebrate the pioneers who first settled this area. There are even some members of The Donner Party buried in the Dublin Pioneer Cemetery.[2] And great Mountain Men like Captain Joseph Walker, who spent his final years in Walnut Creek, and is now buried in Martinez – were once celebrated as well.[3] Even notorious individuals such as James Kirker still has a pass named after him here (Kirker Pass, naturally).[4] But don’t worry, this is changing now! Statues like those of San Jose pioneer Thomas Fallon[5] will soon be coming down, and all those names which you would rather not be reminded of[6] will soon be removed from the schools also.

“Who controls the past controls the future. Who controls the present controls the past.” That’s what George Orwell told us in 1984 anyway, and The One-Party State understands this.

So does Senator Steve Glazer. His number one priority, after all, is erasing any reminders of the Confederate States of America.[7] Take that, Robert E. Lee!

Take that, Admiral Columbus, and you also, John James Audubon,[8] and closer to home, Saint Junipero Serra!

John Muir? He is so over now![9]

Those who are on the right side of the political spectrum are still bogged down with the reactionary notion that we can’t change history like we change our shirt. They still believe in the objective concept that history exists and it cannot be altered. They believe history can be understood within a proper context and that by doing so, humanity can learn from history and perhaps avoid the possibility of repeating the mistakes of the past or wind up living in a dystopian future. But don’t worry, Senator Glazer doesn’t believe in any of that.

And speaking of those on the right–especially those who live in the East Bay–how are things going for them? Is it gloomy and dark in contrast to the left’s sunny and clear?

Since the national election last November, Pat Buchanan has written, “There may have been a worse 90 days in Republican Party history, but it is difficult to recall exactly when.”[10] Yet those who subscribe to the Christian faith, as many on the political right do, believe that despair is a sin. And Jeff Minick reminds us that “Fortune is a fickle mistress, and the wheel she spins has brought misfortune to far more powerful men and women than those now governing our lives.”[11]

So the right take the long view, and they will continue to argue with the left despite every attempt from the left to silence them. Humorist P.J. O’Rourke says it plainly: “We need to argue, in some cases rather angrily, perhaps even bitterly. We need to loudly disagree. But we need to do it in the context of reason. Reason is pretty much what got us civilization. Preservation of civilization is what makes me a conservative.”[12]

The Right may not be in charge of anything. They may have been purged of leadership positions from the military to the corporate boardroom, and they may not even be holding elective office any longer, but those who belong to the traditional right continue to fight on. Surrender is not in their DNA. Their mantra is “This too, shall pass.”

Sam Adams stated before the American War of Independence: “It does not take a majority to prevail… but rather an irate, tireless minority, keen on setting brushfires of freedom in the minds of men.”[13]

The right will continue to fight what they see as the good fight, hoping to ignite those brushfires of freedom while continuing to have a life outside the political realm. Spending time with their friends and families, relaxing with colleagues from work, and being self-reliant, independent, and imaginative helps the right remember that despite the efforts made by the left recently, not everything in the end is political. Having a life – a good life – is the ultimate means of prevailing.

The words of the late Joseph Sobran continue be applicable – perhaps now more than ever:

At certain moments I find myself enjoying life in a certain way. I may be alone, or with friends, or with my family, or even among strangers. Beautiful weather always helps; the more trees, the better. Early morning or evening is the best time. Maybe someone says something funny. And while everyone laughs, there is a sort of feeling that surges up under the laughter, like a wave rocking a rowboat, that tells you that this is the way life should be.

Moments like that don’t come every day, aren’t predictable, and can’t very well be charted. But the main response they inspire is something like gratitude: after all, one can’t exactly deserve them. One can only be prepared for them. But they do come.

This may seem a thousand miles from politics, and such moments rarely have anything to do with politics.

But that is just the point.

[1] John 14:1 “Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe in Me as well. (biblehub.com)

[2] Pioneer Cemetery | Dublin, CA – Official Website

[3] Capt. Joseph R. Walker Historical Marker (hmdb.org)

[4] The Hairless Men’s Club (sfgate.com) By Herb Caen

[5] ‘Take it down, melt it down’: San Jose residents urge officials to remove controversial statue (sfchronicle.com)

[6] Names struck from 44 San Francisco schools, including Lincoln, Revere — and Feinstein | GOPUSA

[7] Silly Time in Sacramento: California Senate Passes Bill To Ban Confederate Names on Public Property (capoliticalreview.com)

[8] What Do We Do About John James Audubon? | Audubon

[9] Environmental group Sierra Club reckons with John Muir’s racism – The Washington Post

[10] Dark Winter of a Grand Old Party – Patrick J. Buchanan – Official Website