Feature

I’ve got a splitting headache from banging my head against my computer screen trying to think of something to write for the August issue of ALIVE. Sadly, I had hoped the blunt force trauma would spurn some new ideas, but alas, it’s only triggered more concussion-like symptoms. What was I saying? This writer’s block thing seems to happen every year around this time. After a couple family vacations, some crazy 4th of July shenanigans and a block party or two (#culetdrive), my creative tank has run out of gas. Plus, once you’re over fifty, most men struggle with memory issues. To be completely honest, I can’t remember what I had for breakfast let alone what I’ve written about over the last ten years, unless I access my massive article scrapbook. Yes, I scrapbook. Don’t judge me.

As many of you know, if I’m away on assignment, the Chief (aka Eric Johnson), has, at times, rerun a former article because there’s not a real high likelihood a lot of current ALIVE readers actually saw or read the article when it originally came out. I’m only guessing, since I never get any reader feedback. While I’m on that topic, my ALIVE email address must be printed incorrectly as it’s been approximately twenty-seven months since I received any fan mail. Suffice it to say, and I do love saying “suffice it,” I could probably rerun Summer’s Writer’s Block Volumes 1-4 and be relatively safe no one has read them, however I have way too much integrity for such shenanigans. Shenanigans is my new favorite word. So, without further ado, the following is my annual collection of random summer thoughts instead of a long rambling piece on one specific subject or topic. Buckle up; it’s going to be a bumpy ride.

Age Appropriate Attire – If you’re a man over 50, you really shouldn’t be wearing a tank top/muscle T, ripped jeans, a team jersey with another man’s name on it, or your ball cap turned backwards. You look ridiculous. There, I said it. “Sun’s out/guns out” is a fashion statement that should only be used by younger men like Zac Efron (28), Jimmy Garoppolo (26), Michael B. Jordan (29), or Jake (13), the kid who mows our lawn. As a sophisticated gentleman in my mid-50s, much like George Clooney pre-scooter accident, my wardrobe compliments my rocking Dad-bod. My lounge-wear is a little more stylish and laidback than my work attire, but I don’t try to front like some British fancyman in his 30s. The Idle Man publication says men over 50 should focus on fit and colors, with a splash of accessories, rather than trends. Sage advice! It’s why I shop at Forever 51 and buy sensible shoes at Nordstrom (for their generous return policy). Ultimately, my strategy is to dress my age and have my colors done.

Social Media Awareness – If you’re a man over 50, you really shouldn’t be on Snapchat, Instagram or even Twitter. You look ridiculous. There, I said it. Stick with Facebook, LinkedIn, Pinterest, and Foursquare like the rest of us dinosaurs. Leave the other sites to the millennial generation. “Snap me” is a term that should only be used by Justin Bieber (24), Draymond Green (28) or Palmer Luckey (23)—(Google him). As a tech-challenged suburban gentleman, I stick to what I know and what I know is Open Table, Words with Friends and on occasion, Fandango. They may not be social media sites, but they allow me to be social with my friends, family, and co-workers. You won’t find me on Tinder, but please don’t hesitate to “Friend Me” and Like my crazy kitten posts on Facebook.

Giving is Living – If you’re a man over 50, you really should spend some time volunteering. The second half of life should include giving back to your community. Sharing is caring. There, I said it. Once your kids are at an age where they don’t need/want you around like they did when they were younger, there is a tendency to get sad, lonely and bored. All are terms that I relate to as an empty nest dad myself. One surefire way to overcome these understandably normal emotions is to volunteer, and there are countless volunteer opportunities all around us. As a way to fill my empty hours, I’ve done everything from a single shift at the Alameda County Food Bank to coaching several seasons with the San Ramon Valley T-Birds. Volunteering is an easy and fulfilling way to spend time with incredible people doing something worthwhile. The SPCA is always looking for pet friends, East Bay Regional Park District has monthly trail rejuvenation projects, and the annual Run for Education needs field marshals for their upcoming fundraising run. Even if none of those volunteer opportunities float your boat, just surf the (non-porn) web to find something that appeals to you. Volunteering can give you a sense of purpose, expand your friend and business contact networks, and just get your butt off the couch and out of the house for a few hours. Your spouse will thank you and me.

Music Playlists – If you’re a man over 50 and you have an iTunes, Spotify, or Pandora playlist, listen to whatever the hell you want. There, I said it. Music is so subjective and should be left to one’s individual taste. I, myself, still like the classic rock of Def Leppard, Fleetwood Mac, and Journey along with the more timely stylings of a John Mayer, Keith Urban, and Michael Franti. Now, unlike most of my Tri Valley suburban dad peers, I can also appreciate newer artists such as Childish Gambino, Post Malone, and Halsey (who most of you have never heard of) along with the more pop stylings of Ed Sheeran, Bruno Mars, or Florence and the Machine (who I hope some of you have heard of). Music of any genre has no age boundaries and should be appreciated as art. Now concerts are something else completely, as I much prefer the intimate confines of a club or small venue to the craziness of an arena or amphitheater show. Call me old, but you couldn’t pay me enough Bitcoin to attend Outside Lands, Snow Globe, or Bottle Rock. I can only imagine what a s*#t show the three-day Coachella Music Festival would be when jostling with 250,000 people for a place to stand and watch one of the 30 acts daily. No thank you, I say!
Being the music aficionado I am, I love music trivia. Did you know that more songs have been written about Saturdays than any other day of the week? You’ve undoubtedly heard Saturday in the Park by Chicago, Saturday Night’s Alright (For Fighting) by Sir Elton John and S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y by the Bay City Rollers. These are rowdy, whoop-it-up anthems primed for going out and having a good time. Guess what day comes in second? Mondays, probably because Mondays are the opposite of Saturdays, drab and depressing. Songs such as I don’t like Mondays by The Boomtown Rates, Just Another Manic Monday by The Bangles, Rainy Days and Mondays by The Carpenters and Monday/Monday by The Mamas & The Papas are all pretty sad and depressing. There are songs written and recorded about every day of the week including Ruby Tuesday, Waiting for Wednesday and Thursday’s Child, but Fridays and Sundays get more than their share of airplay with songs such as Last Friday Night, Friday I’m in Love with You and Friday on my Mind, to go along with Sunday Bloody Sunday, Sunday Papers and Sunday Morning. You might ask yourself, “Self, why is he sharing this with me?” No reason, just filler to get me to my word count. I’m full of shenanigans.

Shenanigans – If you’re a man over 50, a certain amount of shenanigans should be part of your summer. There, I said it. I’m not saying “cop-calling” shenanigans, but don’t’ be afraid to cut loose and have a little fun from time to time. A few ideas include seeing live comedy at Tommy T’s instead of another movie at the local megaplex, enjoying a game night with friends or renting the movie Game Night. You don’t even need little ones to enjoy a romantic overnight campout. Make it a goal to attend one of the free concerts playing almost every weekend somewhere along the I-680 corridor Before the summer ends, walk barefoot on freshly cut lawn, wash your car shirtless or invite your neighbor over for a margarita and game of doorbell ditch. For gosh sakes, enjoy your summer like you did when you were young.

I would like to thank you all for struggling with me through this year’s version of my annual writer’s block dribble. If my words provide you with just a small pleasant distraction to your otherwise busy and stressful day then I have done my job, which really isn’t a job at all. It’s more like a hobby or craft project for my scrapbook. There, I said it. Suffice it to say, how do you like those shenanigans?

YOU’RE RETIRED AND YOU’RE A GUY. WHAT DO YOU DO? I’LL TELL YOU

I thought I’d write about something more fun than taxes and border walls—something for old guys like me to do. I’m going to Reno in August for a big bowling tournament. Last year, we had 180 bowlers show up. I placed in a couple of the categories. In the B-category, I came in 1st in the singles competition and in the doubles, my partner and I placed second. We both came away with some moolah. So, it was not only fun, but turned out to be profitable as well. Before I get ahead of myself, let me tell you how I got to go bowling in Reno, in the first place.

Several years ago, I joined an organization that I didn’t even know existed, until my friend Ron invited me to be a guest at one of their luncheon get-togethers. This organization has but a couple of qualifying requirements: One, you have to be a guy, and two, you have to be able to attend the monthly luncheon meetings. You don’t have to pay any dues—only for a once-a-month luncheon, that you are required to attend at least six times a year. Since I joined, I haven’t missed one, because I enjoy getting together with my fellow retirees; my old buddies.

I know what you’re going to say; “What a boring bunch; getting together for lunch, once a month; big whoop-ti-doo!” I can tell you, the luncheons are just the beginning, and, they’re never boring. While we get to eat a great meal, served by a very pleasant and capable staff, at a great location, we get to listen to interesting presentations on varied topics of common interest. At theses luncheons, we also get reports from several activities chairmen, on upcoming events and results from previous events, like bowling, golfing, bocce leagues, and so on.

Did I mention that there were activities you can sign up for? I’m an avid bowler; not necessarily a great one, but, I do like to bowl. So, I joined our bowling league. Do you like golfing? If you do, you’ll love this group. You can golf your tee off. There are a number of other activities you can sign-up for and you only have to pay for the particular activity you want to participate in. And, just so that you won’t think that you always have to leave your sweetie at home, there are a number of events you can bring a date to that are organized to be enjoyed by couples.

We have a beautiful Christmas luncheon, a summer BBQ, a couple of Chicken and Bingo evenings (that would be a fried chicken dinner followed by bingo, until all the prizes are given away) as well as periodic dine outs to sample the cuisine of area restaurants.

Before I get too far ahead of myself with all the fun stuff, I had better introduce you to this great organization; my organization: SIR. That acronym stands for Sons In Retirement; hence the 2nd qualifier: you should be retired but you could get away with being partially-retired if you have the time to be active in the organization, but, as the first qualifier states, you have to be a son—in other words, a guy.

I bet you thought that the SIR acronym stood for some sort of snooty, shi-shi codeword for a bunch of swells. In SIR, we have doctors, lawyers and Italian chefs (you know, guys who create Italian dishes) as well as bottle washers. We’re all equal, and the tie that binds us is the fact that we have all worked for decades, and now we just want to get together and socialize a little and enjoy our time together.

SIR is like an oak tree—a giant oak tree—with many, many branches, all over this area. As a matter of fact, there are around a hundred and twenty branches. So, wherever you live in Northern California, you’ll find a local chapter of SIR. Actually, the branches in Northern California extend from Bakersfield to the Oregon border and from Lake Tahoe to the Pacific Ocean.

I belong to SIR Branch 19, a.k.a., John Muir Branch and we meet the first Thursday of the month for our Luncheon and speaker, at the Oakhurst Country Club. We couldn’t have picked a more beautiful spot for our meetings and our hosts take excellent care of us at our luncheons. As I mentioned earlier, we don’t just get together to eat, we have a number of great activities. At branch 19, here are some of the activities you could be participating in: golf, bowling, bocce, travel, bridge, poker, walking, hiking, computer technology, dining out, wine tasting, investing, and one of the latest activities started by yours truly and my buddy John Carl: DATE, which is an acronym for Discussing Ancient Technology & Engineering. We even throw an occasional UFO into the discussion or talk about who’ll get humans to Mars first; Elon Musk’s Space-X, NASA, or the Ruskies. And of course, we’re always interested in new ideas for activities, so if you have one, come and join us and tell us all about your idea.

From our branch’s official statement: “Membership is open to men, regardless of age, race, color or religion. We are an all-volunteer organization, so our members need to help out when called upon. SIR supports NO outside causes or interests. We prohibit discussions of politics and religion, soliciting or selling anything to any member.”

“Our member expectations are few. Have the free time, be a friendly, sociable guy, participate in our luncheons and activities, and introduce others to SIR, so they can join in the fun.”

The whole concept is very simple, really; “Improve the lives of our members through fun activities and events while making friends for life”. And, you can never have enough good friends.

In September, our new bowling season will be starting up at Clayton Valley Bowl, as well as our DATE program which takes place after Bowling on the second Wednesday of every month. So, if you’re a bowler, come and check out Branch 19 and meet the guys that make it all happen. It’s one decision you won’t regret. So, I might be seeing you at Clayton valley Bowl and our September luncheon at Oakhurst Country Club, and maybe even at our DATE meeting. At our September DATE meeting, we will view and discuss a film entitled TESLA, Visionary or Madman, which was originally shown on PBS.

As stated earlier, “Our mission is to improve the lives of our members, through fun activities and events while making friends for life”.
If you’d like to learn more about our branch and our activities, you can contact us at sirbranch19@gmail.com or call us 925.338.1996 or better yet, you can visit us on the web at www.sir19.org. For other branches in your area, look up Sons In Retirement or www.sirinc.org on the web.

Just remember: “In SIR, there are no strangers.”

I woke to the sound of water gushing up from the ground into my bathtub. It was the middle of the night. I live alone. No one had used the tub. With trepidation I went to investigate. My pulse was rapid and my hands were sweating. Not a fan of horror films, I half-expected to see a hand poke up next. Water was filling the tub but not draining. And as much as I enjoyed the award-winning film, “The Shape of Water,” I wasn’t prepared to see it enacted on my cinnamon patterned linoleum.

This happened just after my body suffered several indignities of aging: a three-week bout of bronchitis, followed by the extraction of an infected tooth, followed by a mysterious malady that made walking unbearably painful. Fortunately, with the assistance of physician, dental surgeon, and physical therapists, I had eventually returned to a semblance of normalcy.

But I was ill-equipped to let an inanimate object disturb my struggle for well-being. The plunger gave my wrist exercise, but the water saga continued.

When our community Public Safety office responded, a kind man shook his head dolefully at my offer of a plunger, “You need a plumber.” But it was the weekend. When the plumber finally came he exclaimed in a voice worthy of a stage play, “Roots.” Over several days different plumbers came and went continuing to pull up redwood roots. And more roots. And more.

Then, just like a good TV drama, the heads of state arrived to consult. In this case it was the owner of the plumbing company and the owner of the construction company with which our condominium dealt.

By then I had put a piece of masking tape for the six- inch water mark in the tub that no longer functioned. More workers arrived. Although my Spanish is minimal I understood the word “problema.” As one called Geronimo, walked through my condominium castle, I thought his name singularly appropriate.

Time passed, analysis continued, cameras clicked, the culprits appeared. Broken pipes and masses of redwood tree roots. For the next month I waited for an estimate; then waited for it to be approved. It was necessary to remove art work on the walls, clothing and bathroom necessities, and after afflicted areas were covered in plastic, the jack hammers commenced their attack.

Crews constantly changed, and dust permeated the house. Though I tried to determine each day’s exact work schedule, one morning when we’d established nine o’clock, the doorbell rang at 8:30, and I was still in the shower. Other times when I thought someone was coming, no one did. Flooring had to be torn up and two and half feet of concrete slab removed simply to reach the pipes. Three times the plumbers shook their heads as to the size of the space in which they were expected to accomplish the repair. The area off my bedroom had growing holes in the bathroom, the closet, and the hallway.

At the same time it was a challenge to focus on my own work or to continue healing my less than resilient body. I began to feel like a character in “Alice in Wonderland.” Two weeks became three, then four. Outside my house were at least three dozen buckets filled with earth and cement. Once the plumbing was finally repaired, the contents had to be put back, concrete had to dry, and new flooring had to be installed.

Even at night when no one was working, my mind heard the jack hammers.

Having hastily stuffed items wherever I could, I’d find myself muttering “Where are my socks?” or as the stereotypical absent-mined professor, “What happened to my brown shoes?”

My son and family, all with diverse schedules, had planned to come mid- month for a long-awaited five-day visit—and I was frantic. Would the work be done in time?

“Tomorrow we finish,” one worker promised.

But when the plastic was removed and the sturdy blue tape torn off, so was part of the latex-painted ceiling.
An unexpected glitch. Now the area had to be primed and repainted. Primer has an intense, penetrating odor, and for someone who has had asthma attacks, I was dubious of sleeping in my own house. Leaving windows wide-open, I accepted the overnight hospitality of a friend.

A cleaner came to eradicate the worst of the dust so that I could put assorted items away just before my family of five arrived. It was a photo-finish. But no sooner had they come then I discovered that the bathroom door which had been removed and then remounted did not close.

“Your house is tilted,” the painter said.

“But it closed before,’ I argued.”

After several conversations, a new face appeared, changed the position of the latch and I heard a satisfying click.
Conscientious, determined, and hard-working crews worked steadily for a month.

“Will this happen again?” I asked anticipating a reassuring ”No,” in reply.

“Well,” the answer came, “We repaired pipes at another place and they lasted eleven years.”

Startled, I absorbed the news. I knew that in another decade, I could not endure a replay.
For when our bodies and our homes succumb to aging, one can’t help wondering, “what’s next?”

Finally, though both manor and I fell apart, we triumphantly came back together.

A week later while enjoying a leisurely breakfast in jammies and robe, the doorbell rang. A staff member reported that my patio support pillar and tile surrounding it were cracking. The same day I learned I needed retina surgery.

So the manor and I will continue to age in place, provided, as the early settlers said, “God willing and the creek don’t rise.”

Joanna H. Kraus is an award-winning playwright, author of several picture books and children’s book reviewer for the Bay Area News Group. Her latest book is “Bravo, Benny.” She can be e-mailed a : tjkraushouse@hotmail.com

 

Many Americans and people in other countries have heard of or know something about Steve Martin, primarily through his films. What they may not realize is now, in his early 70s, his career is mostly directed toward his musical endeavors as a banjo player and song writer.
His love of banjo and banjo music was instilled in him at the early age of sixteen. “I loved the sound of the banjo when I first heard it, Martin said, “ It affected me like no other instrument.” He was influenced by recordings of people who played the banjo like the Kingston Trio, Pete Seeger, and Earl Scruggs.

Martin had little formal musical training and was virtually self-taught, even though he had some instruction from other musicians. The banjo is not a soft-sounding or subdued instrument, consequently when Martin was just getting started the loud sound was not welcomed in the house. He eventually practiced at night in his car—he rolled up the windows so the sound would be confined, otherwise it could be heard in the neighborhood.

As he progressed on the banjo he received advice and counsel by prominent people in the music industry. One was John McEuen, who played banjo in The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band. In the early 70s Martin did his comedy routine as the opening act for them.
Others who helped him were Pete Seeger, Peter Wernick, Marc Johnson and Earl Scruggs. All contributed to his knowledge of playing technique; each sharing valuable pieces of information that helped Martin improve and develop his musicianship.

The early years of Martin’s career were dominated by being a stand-up comedian. His first appearance on television was The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour in 1968. He first publicly played the banjo as part of his comedy act. He told jokes and actually made fun of the banjo. He played short pieces that he interspersed into his act and developed some routines around his playing.

The years went by and his comedy act became more and more infused with his banjo playing. He eventually turned his performance into a full concert with a little comedy as a sidelight. Martin retired as a full-time-stand-up comedian and went “full-bore” into his music career.
On his last comedy album he featured his stand-up comedy routine on one side and on the other side a bluegrass band with him playing banjo.

In the early 2,000s his banjo playing career really took off. Earl Scruggs, who is considered a guru of banjo music, remade Foggy Mountain Breakdown. Martin was invited to play banjo on the recording and it was the winner of the Best Country Instrumental Performance category at the Grammy Awards in 2002.

Martin was honored to be on the Grand Ole Opry in 2009. Later in that same year he played with The Steep Canyon Rangers on Garrison Keillor’s famous show, Prairie Home Companion. This began a two-month tour with the Rangers. On the tour the group played at Carnegie Hall in New York and many music festivals in other cities, including London, England.

Later he appeared with the Scruggs band on several occasions. Martin’s first all music album, The Crow, was released in 2009 with Dolly Parton as the featured singer. The album won the Grammy in 2010 for the best bluegrass album.

His playing technique included both three-finger and clawhammer (flailing) banjo. Clawhammer is played without picks. It is played with the thumb and back of the fingernail to produce the tune or melody. “I love both styles and I am so glad I forged ahead and learned them,” said Martin, “When I’m writing I often compose on the clawhammer banjo as I get a better chord feel.”

Martin has worked with many famous musicians and performers besides the legendary Earl Scruggs. Some were: Irish singer, Mary Black, Paul McCartney, The Dixie Chicks, Dolly Parton, and Edie Brickell, who wrote and sings the lyrics of many of Martins songs. At one time he and Brickell wrote thirteen songs together.

Because of his comedic talent he also was a favorite of comedy roles in films. This is where most people became aware of Martin’s inherent talent for comedy and his following and popularity as a bona fide movie star followed. He made quite a few films over the years and almost all of them were considered successful.

Martin’s film career spanned over three decades. He acted and even wrote some of the films in which he appeared. Many of his films were comedies and some were serious dramatic roles. He wanted to be known for more than comedy parts. He starred with many “big names” in his film career.

A few of his most notable films were “Three Amigos,” co-staring Saturday Night Live regulars, Martin Short and Chevy Chase. In the film, “Planes, Trains and Automobiles,” Martin was joined by John Candy and John Hughes. The film, “Roxanne,” Martin co-wrote and for it received the Writers Guild of America Award. He was very proud of this award as it gave him critical acclaim for being more than a comic actor.

In “Parenthood,” a film by Ron Howard, Martin co-starred with Rick Moranis. The comedy “LA Story” co-starred his then wife, Victoria Tennant. Other notable films include: “Father of the Bride,” “Housesitter,” with Goldie Hawn and Dana Delany, Neil Simon’s, “The Out-of-Towners,” “Cheaper by the Dozen,” “The Pink Panther,” “The Jerk,” with Bernadette Peters and in “It’s Complicated,” he was joined by Meryl Streep and Alec Baldwin.

Martin is obviously a big box office draw. An article in The Guardian mentioned that “Martin is one of the best actors never to receive an Oscar nomination.”

In 2011 a PBS documentary titled, “Give Me the Banjo,” featured Martin as narrator. It told the history of the banjo in America.
He has championed banjo playing, bluegrass music and American roots music in general. Martin has established a prize, “Excellence in Banjo and Bluegrass,” that he awards annually to a very deserving player

When tracing Steve Martin’s career through stand-up comedian, sought after actor, accomplished writer, big-time talented banjo player, composer and bluegrass exponent, it is easy to see why he is truly a man for all seasons.

Submit your questions and comments to banddirector01@comcast.net
Visit our website at www.danvilleband.org for up-to-date information about the Danville Community Band.