December 2009

I am starting right off by attempting to answer an email which was sent to me just recently. “How can I add 20 more yards off the tee?” The 20 yards you are looking for is somewhere out there and I will be the first to say that it might be an equipment issue. Ball and club is where most of us begin, but that’s only part of it. Twenty additional yards is possible for some. Where it might be found could surprise you.

I enjoy playing with a regular group of friends at least once a week. Although we are all decent players, we would still like to add more distance. I think this is a common concern in most golf groups. Not hitting the ball far enough to reach the green in regulation would make most golfers crave that extra yardage, while those who can reach greens in regulation want to get there more easily. With the group I play with, the 20 is out there for each of us, at times. I will break it down and explain how each of us has captured that elusive “longer ball” and where that 20 yards “hides.”

I mentioned hides because it comes out of hiding, here and there. Hitting the ball solidly is the starting point for each of us. When we hit it solidly, we can better gauge what’s going on from that point on. Often times, ball contact is not quite in the middle of the club face. One of my playing partners struggles with this more often than the rest of us. This player often tries for that extra 20 by trying to hit the ball as hard as he can. Often times the swing rhythm is off and the tempo too quick. Instead of gaining 20, he loses 20 because of that mistake. So “centeredness of hit” is his most important key for finding that 20 additional yards.

Another one of my playing partners has lost length due to the natural process of aging. This player has added 20 more yards because he is on a strength and flexibility program. I am impressed with his commitment to meet with a trainer more than once a week and work on regaining what he once had. This player can once again make the necessary turn and motion that allows for a more powerful blow at impact. His price, an exercise program, will benefit him with much more than 20 yards. He will get a better quality of life, as well.

The next player clearly is on a mission to find that combination of shaft and club. Having gone through a fitting process to measure swing speed, ball speed and more, this player has dialed up their yardage with the benefit of today’s technology. It’s amazing what a launch monitor can do to help make the experiment a little more exact. Combining the information with the right shaft, driver head and ball has greatly benefited this player and put his mind at ease.

Another player is benefiting with some lessons, putting her on plane by creating a little more dynamic motion and improving her rhythm. She has generated more speed so her ball will go further. I am also seeing her now able to hit shots and keep them in the air longer.

As you can see, it’s not a simple answer. Each one of these players has found distance in different places. Anyway you look at it though, who isn’t happy when they’ve added 20 more yards to their drives?

Email me at ddelongolf@aol.com with your question and I will perhaps choose your question and send to you a free golf lesson! Also, I can send a gift certificate for golf lessons via mail for anyone who would like to give the gift of golf. I recommend a series of 3 private lessons for $125.00.

ON THE GREEN
DAVE DELONG

Often, a small child’s first favorite outfit is a sports uniform, and middle-aged men and women can be seen wearing team jerseys and other logo apparel at professional and college games throughout the Bay Area.

In the world of sports, uniforms can provide a rallying point for fans, especially considering the rate at which players change teams. Uniforms also help teams brand themselves, and a popular design can be a significant source of revenue for teams and leagues.

According to Paul Lukas, author of a regular uniform-related column at ESPN.com and originator of his own popular UniWatch blog (www.uniwatchblog, com), our local area is well represented through the lens of sports sartorial splendor.

“The A’s white uniform, right down to the shoes, is a classic look,” Lukas said. “The 49ers are a good looking team, especially with this year’s changes. The Raiders always look good, and the Giants are a good looking team.”

Lukas is a bit less enthusiastic about the Warriors and Sharks uniforms, though he noted that he has inside information that the Warriors look will undergo a major change before next season, and he noted in his blog that fans “will not be disappointed.”

The Sharks are one of many teams, Lukas noted, that followed the lead of the NBA’s Charlotte Hornets into some combination of teal, black and/or purple in the late 1980s and early 1990s. “Those were dark days in sports uniform design.”

The more recent trend that Lukas has noticed is towards red alternate jerseys. The Atlanta Hawks and the New Jersey Nets are either introducing or expanding the use of red alternate uniforms this season, following a path blazed by the Braves, Red Sox, Angels and New York Giants. “This look has had surprising staying power,” said Lukas, noting that red can be harsh.

“It’s really a matter of keeping the wheel turning,” he said. “Designers are paid a lot of money to keep a fresh look and understand what fans might buy.” Lukas thinks the biggest change in coming years could be a total rethinking of the football uniform. “The traditional football uniform has been a shirt, knickers and socks,” Lukas said. “The shirt is no longer a shirt because it doesn’t have sleeves, the knickers have become biker shorts cut above the knee, and the socks have become tights or leggings. Players are obsessed with speed, with tight jerseys leaving nothing to grab, and minimized padding. The old look has become obsolete.” Lukas foresees the day where the NFL will switch to something akin to a unitard, and that colleges and high schools will follow suit.

The trend Lukas finds most bothersome is that of advertising on uniforms. The NFL and NBA have ad patches on their practice jerseys, and several WNBA teams put corporate names where team names are traditionally placed on the front of jerseys, much like what is done in soccer. “I am unalterably opposed to advertising on uniforms. The only logo on a sports uniform should be a team logo,” he said. Lukas would also do away with manufacturer trademarks on uniforms.

Lukas added that blatant advertising on jerseys will gain a foothold if good men say nothing. “Teams are more than just businesses,” he said. “They are civic entities often playing in facilities built with public money. People rally around them. Wearing a city’s name on a jersey is a privilege, not a right.”

Make no mistake, according to Lukas; the day when the McDonalds logo replaces the Cubs (or other team’s) logo on the front of the uniform is on the horizon unless fans and media make it clear it is not what they want. “This is absolutely a threat,” he said. “The teams can’t wait to do it. They are only worried about media and fan backlash.”

A perhaps underrated element of uniforms is safety. This past season, some major leaguers experimented with the Rawlings S-100 batting helmet, designed to withstand impacts of up to 100 miles per hour. The helmet gained notoriety last season when the Mets’ David Wright gave it a try after returning from a concussion courtesy of a beaning by the Giants’ Matt Cain.

A few other players also gave the helmet a whirl. Unfortunately, observers noted that the helmet made players look like the alien Kazoo from The Flintstones, which led to ridicule. They were also said to be a bit heavy on the head. A streamlined version will be mandatory in the minor leagues next season, and Lukas thinks it is likely that it could take hold in the majors within the next decade.

After years of studying athletics aesthetics, Lukas says he longs for the return of natural fabrics, stirrup baseball stockings, stripes on socks pulled up to at least the calf, less baggy trousers, shorter basketball shorts, and straight hems on hockey jerseys. His blog and his column could have a long life waiting for those wishes to come true.

OFF THE BENCH
PAUL HIRSCH

Q: I have eighteen African Violet plants. They are healthy and growing in a well lit room. So why can’t I get them to bloom again?

A: The most common reason why African Violets do not bloom is low light intensity. They require good indirect light all year. The light intensity can be reduced by a maturing tree(s), overcast, foggy, or smoggy days. One way to bridge the gap is with ‘Grow Lights’ either, fluorescent tubes or individual flood lights. Ordinary lights do not provide the proper color spectrum to get the plants to bloom. But having said all of that, I do not believe it’s your problem. Vigorous growing plants stop blooming when they are crowded. African Violets like to be transplanted often. Serious hobbyists repot their plants every six-months, while the norm is more like every eighteen to twenty-four months. They do not necessarily have to be transplanted in larger pots. More often they are root pruned and replanted in the same pot with fresh soil added.

Q: Four years ago, we planted a dwarf Blood Orange. The first two years this young tree produced no fruit, then last year it had one orange; however, when we cut it open it was a regular orange color with a slight red color around the edge of the rind. This year the tree has twenty very large oranges. How do we know if the orange flesh will be blood red inside? Is there a special time or way to tell when the fruit is ready?

A: In the Bay Area, Naval, Valencia, Mandarin and Blood Oranges along with Tangerines, can be quite fickle to ripen. While they all turn orange when expected, they’re not necessarily mature, sweet or juicy. Oranges require warm to hot summer days in order to mature on time plus frequent watering. Citrus is watered once to twice a week depending on the temperatures and more often in containers. The milder the summer and the closer to the ocean the longer it takes the fruit to ripen. You shouldn’t be concerned when citrus flowers with last years’ crop still on the plant. ‘Mora’, ‘Sanguinelli’ and ‘Tarocco’ are the three Blood Orange varieties known for their predictable color. The intensity of the coloration seems to vary by light, temperature and variety. The flesh color is the deepest in the hot interior valley. Tarocco matures mid-February to May. The flesh color tends to be unreliable and deeply pigmented. The rind is orange blushed with red at maturity. Sanguinelli ripens in March thru mid-May with an orange flesh streaked with red. Moro’s flesh is a deep red, violet or burgundy and is harvested between February and April. You’ll have to use trial and error to determine when they are ripe. This requires that you pick and taste one. I’m going to guess that the best quality fruit comes later than earlier. Also, it may take many more months hanging on the tree before the crop is ready, so be patient.

Endless to-do lists, long lines, traffic jams, frazzled nerves, short-tempered drivers—rushing…rushing…rushing…or is it dashing…dashing…dashing to survive another holiday?

Sound familiar? Then you may find that your holiday cheer has turned into holiday fear: fear of survival, not having enough cash or credit for presents, fear of not being skinny enough to fit into your cocktail attire, and fear of not knowing when to stop committing to relentless holiday celebrations.

As a Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist who offers tools for stress management and weight loss, I get many opportunities during this time of the year to remind my clients to not lose touch with what is really important about the holidays. When any of us forgets to mindfully check in with our heart’s needs and desires, we often experience stress-full and soul-less celebrations.

Abandoning mindfulness over the holidays may offer us colorful nights of socializing, overeating, and partying, but can leave us with a hefty price tag. The first indication of overindulgence may be when our bathroom scales report the “physical damage.” Our waistlines then “second the motion” by rebelling against the miserably tight clothes. A third indicator may be when we see ourselves frantically running around exhausted, shopping bags under our arms and brown bags under our eyes. Finally, due to our tight skirts and slacks, we find ourselves breathing shallowly from our upper chests and, at times, unconsciously holding our breaths. If we keep up this unhealthy pace, we may find ourselves experiencing Stress Responses.

In my book, Stress Reduction Journal: Meditate and Journal Your Way to Better Health, I list some additional common physical symptoms of Stress Responses: tense shoulders, sweating, tension around the eyes, increased heart rate, jaw tension, and neck tension. Then, add mind tension to the physical tension and we’ll really be escalating our stress levels! Mind tension consists of worrisome thoughts like, “What if people don’t have a good time at my party?” or, “What if my spouse doesn’t like his or her gift?” The worrisome thoughts and bodily tensions may be subtle while we’re busy, and then come into our awareness when we’re no longer distracted. For example, our mind-body agitation may become noticeable while we’re trying to relax or sleep.

Many of us experience varying degrees of Stress Responses to situations that aren’t physically threatening, but feel psychologically threatening. For instance, let’s say you get into an argument with your spouse or other family member (not uncommon during the holidays). If neither of you are violent types, then clearly there is no threat to anyone’s survival. However, due to the perceived emotional threat, a Stress Response is triggered. That night, you find yourself unable to sleep as a result of the stress hormones your adrenal glands secreted earlier that day. In bed, you toss and turn as you replay the argument over and over in your mind. As you continue to feel agitated, you notice that your jaw is unusually tense and you’re sweating.

This is a good example of how the mind and body fuel one another during a Stress Response. Worrying and having scary thoughts are the mind’s way of igniting a Stress Response. Worrisome thoughts that include “always” and “never” are red flags for distorted thinking. All-or-nothing thinking is stressful
and often distorted because it tells us that whatever is wrong is black-and-white with absolutely no grays, and offers no hope of changing.

Another example of distorted thinking occurs when a thought that is overwhelmingly negative ends with a catastrophe. These extreme feelings are called catastrophic thoughts. Worrisome and catastrophic thoughts often begin with a, “What if…?” So, while you are lying in bed unable to sleep after an argument,
you may find yourself worrying: “What if my spouse and I never resolve our differences?” “We’re always fighting, what if we end up getting divorced?” “Then, what if I become ill and can’t support myself?”

Whew! These catastrophic thoughts are gold-foiled invitations for adrenaline to pump. The good news is we can learn to recognize our Stress Responses and use tools to counter them and move toward Relaxation Responses. Like the Stress Response, the Relaxation Response is a body and mind issue. At the body level, we move toward a Relaxation Response by letting go of muscle tension. In so doing, we lengthen our muscle fibers by relaxing. Regular periods of relaxation allow our bodies to repair and recharge. Consequently, we have a storehouse of energy to counter stress and to use for healing, when needed.
Letting go (at both body and mind levels) decreases our heart rates, blood pressure, and breathing rates.

At the mind level, we move toward a Relaxation Response by letting go of scary or worrisome thoughts. We catch our “What if…?” thoughts quickly and counter them with rational feedback to ourselves. Doing so switches us out of the emotional sides of our brains and into the rational, logical sides. As a result, we interrupt the worry cycle. So if you hear yourself thinking, “What if people don’t have a good time at my party?” you could counter and re-frame it with: “Then I’ll need to accept it, knowing that I can’t control other people’s feelings. And, I can only do my best in creating a fun atmosphere with good music and refreshments. There’s no need for me to strive for perfection, since perfection simply doesn’t exist.”

And, if you hear yourself thinking, “What if my spouse doesn’t like his or her gift?” you can counter and re-frame it with: “Then we’ll return it and get something he or she loves. We can have a nice walk in nature afterward to make it a fun outing together.”

In addition to re-framing negative thoughts to relax your mind, regularly schedule various forms of exercise during the holidays to help dissipate muscle tension. Walking in nature and practicing yoga are activities that help many people quiet their minds and bodies. In my private practice, I continually remind clients to take plenty of “time-outs” for themselves.

To avoid burnout it’s important to balance the external focus of the holidays by scheduling quiet time each day. Meditation, prayer, or journaling are a few ways to water and nourish the internal landscape. Deep belly breathing, in addition to spending at least ten or fifteen minutes a day going inward, can be helpful in staying connected to innermost thoughts, feelings, and needs. For parents of small children, I suggest that they consider taking their relaxing “time-out” to recharge while their kids are napping.

In addition, when asked to spread ourselves too thin during the holidays, we may consider turning a few “Ho, Ho, Ho’s” into “No, No, No’s.” Does this mean we become rigid or self-centered? Absolutely not! We can still actively listen to each loved one’s heartfelt holiday desires and negotiate family plans so that everyone gets heard, honored, and loved in the process.

My last suggestion for creating a soul-full holiday is to strive to maintain realistic expectations. Let’s face it—many of us have great imaginations about how things “should” be. However, real life has a difficult time living up to our fabulous, yet unrealistic, fantasies. Comparing our experiences to what we witness in movies or on television is a surefire set-up that can leave us with the holiday blues.

Therefore, to avoid a blue period, keep reeling in those high expectations and consider nurturing a humble attitude-of-gratitude. Doing so can open and awaken us to the subtle sweetness of the season and steadily grow our abilities to appreciate.

In closing, I’ve been writing my ALIVE column for over three years now and would like to thank all of you who have emailed me to express your appreciation for my shared thoughts and words. I look forward to sharing more tips and inspirations (including a new book) with you in 2010. I would also like to thank those of you who read my column, phoned me, and became clients or referred others to me. You have given me the privilege of your trust. I am honored to offer you and your loved ones tools and to be a “power partner” with you.

Let me wish all of you a holiday that connects you to others in soulful ways. The external stuff may be glamorous and fun, but in the end, the emotional connections are what we will undoubtedly remember the most…so remember to create a truly soul-full holiday!

If you need a stress-busting “Stocking Stuffer” for yourself or a loved one, then consider Stress Reduction Journal: Meditate and Journal Your Way to Better Health.

GIRLS JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN

The holidays are filled with parties and festivities with friends and family. The best part of going out is accenting our personal style and having fun getting ready and dressed up. It is fun styling our hair a little differently and getting an update on make-up techniques. If it’s not fresh and fun, what’s the point? We may choose to go to our favorite hair designer to get the latest trendy style, and then some of us girls go and get our make-up deliciously done.

This holiday season is the time to try something fun and different, like a new lip shade to jazz up your night. Red is going to be the new “It” color this fall and winter and can look fabulously chic and oh-so-sophisticated. It’s fun to try different shades of lipsticks, and you may even be pleasantly surprised to see that some reds look very beautiful on you. Not everyone can pull off the red lipstick look, so begin by trying a soft red and add some gold sparkle gloss to tone down the intense color a bit. You can be clever and do the “bitten lip” look by using a gloss that has a hint of a red sheen. Then, line the lips with a soft red liner to achieve a more subdued, natural, couture look.

THE BLACK TIE AFFAIR
The winter beauty scene offers more than your typical smokyeye trend. High glamour meets high impact for an unforgettable night out this season. To achieve an edgy yet ballroom-glamorous updated look, use shimmer and sparkle on the eyes in deep shades of blues or taupe. Start with the eyelid, and apply a champagne shimmer. Accent the crease with a sultry blue gemstone eye shadow.

Using a sponge tip applicator, follow the crease to the outer corner of the eye to elongate the appearance of the eye shape. Next, smooth the brow area by using a high impact pink shimmer. For sparkling sophistication, line the eyes with a smoldering black liner close to the base of the lash extending the corner upward. And for the finishing touches, add a plum glitter pencil under the eye for a “romantic girls-just-want-to-have-fun” look.

You can use these simple professional techniques, or you can have your make-up expertly done at The Rouge for your special holiday parties and New Year’s celebrations. You deserve the best, so why not? Have scrumptious fun and learn some new tricks in makeup for yourself. Now is the time to get the look of your dreams and look fabulous. Make an appointment at The Rouge: where fashion meets a more beautiful you. It is your night out, so let yourself shine. We will help you discover your sexiest, most gorgeous and glowing style ever.

December is often little more than a blur on the calendar. It takes a concerted effort to slow down and keep our lives in balance: to get enough rest, keep stress to a minimum, and to not only eat well, but eat right. Now more than ever, it makes sense to patronize our local farmers’ market—where the freshest fruits and vegetables are sold in a relaxed, friendly atmosphere. It’s also a great place to pick up gifts-of-good taste for just about any grown-up on your shopping list. (From my limited experience, children seem to prefer toys to produce. Go figure.)

Holiday shopping in the open air is a pleasant antidote to indoor malls. I enjoy giving gifts; I just don’t want to spend hours wandering zombie-like through acres of mind-numbing merchandise, with taped carols in the background adding to my mounting anxiety. At the farmers’ market I can easily find delicious ways to pamper my friends, and at the same time support the people who grow the food we eat all year.

A FEW QUICK FIXES FOR SOME OF THOSE TROUBLESOME NAMES ON YOUR SHOPPING LIST:

• A bottle of California olive oil costs a lot less than a good bottle of wine, and will certainly last longer than one evening.
• Salad lovers will appreciate a bottle of good vinegar and a plump head of garlic to go along with that olive oil…and maybe a little bag of California almonds to toast and toss with greens.
• A decorative basket or bowl filled with pomegranates, quince, persimmons, perfect pears, or leafy tangerines makes a fragrant, colorful, and caring gift—both decorative and practical.
• The farmers’ market also has plenty of super-fresh flowers, live plants, and wreaths at highly competitive prices.
• With only a yard of ribbon and an inexpensive basket from an import store, you can purchase a selection of locally grown produce to rival any gift basket that spent days being shipped across state lines.

FOR A PARTICULARLY THOUGHTFUL GIFT, DECIDE ON A THEME AND RUN WITH IT:

• Pile an assortment of crisp apples into a new or vintage pie plate, tuck in your favorite apple pie recipe, and tie it all up with a bow.
• Guarantee tonight’s host a great breakfast tomorrow by bringing a few juicy grapefruit; a jar of glistening jam, locally-produced honey, and a loaf of artisan breadwith or without a new cutting board
• Give your favorite baker a beribboned loaf pan brimming with locally-grown walnuts, dried California apricots, cherries, or raisins; and perhaps enclose a favorite quick-bread recipe.
• Keep friends healthy and happy with a big sack of sweet and juicy organic oranges, paired with a citrus juicer

Once I’ve resolved the gift-giving dilemmas, I move on to my personal needs. I stock up on plenty of fresh vegetables to make nourishing, comforting soups and stews; as I consider what to contribute to all the potluck gatherings in the days ahead. Along with all the rich appetizers piled onto buffet tables this month, the presence of a few crisp vegetables—with or without an accompanying dipping sauce—is always appreciated. I’m not talking about those giant party platters from the refrigerated section of the supermarket or warehouse store—you know, the ones that feature an uninspired melange of stubby carrots, rock-hard cherry tomatoes, and roughly-cut vegetables that have all been rinsed in chlorine, or worse, to preserve “freshness” and reduce contamination. No, I’m talking about locally grown, snappy-crisp vegetables that taste like real food.

In California we often equate guacamole with mounds of greasy tortilla chips and margaritas and poolside summer parties, but it also makes a welcome addition to holiday parties…especially when paired with cauliflower and broccoli florets, red bell pepper strips, radishes, and crunchy sticks of celery and jicama.

Guacamole is best made with Haas avocados—the plump ones with bumpy black skins,which are far richer and meatier than other varieties. This recipe relies on clean, simple flavors, but feel free to add a bit of ground cumin, a clove or two of minced garlic, chopped fresh cilantro, any other Latin flavors that appeal to you.

The added step of rinsing the avocado may seem odd, but it is the best way I’ve found to prevent darkening.

GUACAMOLE WITH JALAPEÑO & LIME
3 ripe avocados
2 tablespoons fresh lime juice
Salt
1 tomato, seeded and chopped
1/3 cup finely chopped white, red, or green onion
1 seeded and finely chopped jalapeño chile pepper

1. Cut the avocados in half lengthwise and discard the pits. Using a large spoon, scoop the flesh from the skins and rinse quickly in a bowl of cold water to prevent the avocado from darkening. Drain well.

2. In a medium bowl, use an old-fashioned potato masher or the tines of a fork to mash the avocados, leaving some texture.
Mix in the lime juice and 1/2 teaspoon salt; then stir in the tomato, onion, and jalapeño.

Taste, adding more salt if needed. Transfer to a small bowl and serve at once, or cover with plastic wrap directly touching the surface and refrigerate for
up to 4 hours. Makes about 3 cups, to serve 10 to 12.
Recipe adapted from Great Party Dips by Peggy Fallon (John Wiley & Sons 2009)
The Danville Certified Farmers’ Market, located at Railroad and Prospect, is open every Saturday, rain or shine, from 9 a.m. until 1 p.m. For specific crop information call the Pacific Coast Farmers’ Market Association at 1-800-949-FARM or visit their web site at www.pcfma.com.

This has been one of the toughest years in recent memory. We have been faced with unemployment, health issues, the military conflict in the Middle East and Adam Lambert winning American Idol. On a more local level, the housing market is still sluggish, our school system lack funds and our professional sports teams are abysmal. Perhaps a return to simple core values would help turn the tide. Simple, little pleasures, such as family dinners, game nights and holiday caroling could be just what our country needs to get our economy (and attitude) back on track.

I can’t recall the last time I went caroling during the holiday season. People just don’t carol like they once did…. back in the olden days. While we love to watch our kids perform at multicultural holiday school functions, as adults we just don’t embrace caroling the way our parents, grandparents and every resident at Rossmoor Leisure World in Walnut Creek did when they were young. We’ve all seen the old black and white movies, (It’s a Wonderful Life, Miracle on 34th Street, A Christmas Carol), and admired how those folks caroled.

Anytime there was a group of people gathered together at a holiday party, office function or neighborhood gathering, a festive song usually broke out. Fortunately, there was always someone who could play the piano beautifully and was well versed in songs like Silent Night or Oh, Come All Ye Faithful. I know one of my co-workers plays the bass in a Goth metal band, but that’s not going to cut it if I feel like singing Jingle Bells in our reception area.

Maybe the older generation’s willingness to break into song had something to do with their lack of music listening options. Unless you went down to the Copacabana to see Ricky Ricardo, tuned in Sinatra on the Zenith radio or fired up some Andy Williams records (vinyl LPs and 45s) on the old phonograph, it was hard to hear a good holiday song. Today, I just ask my kids to download Coldplay’s version of Joy to the World to my iPhone and I’m humming myself silly while working out at the gym in my candy cane print striped uni-tard.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the classic holiday songs (not to mention the claymation television specials). Perhaps, if someone (me) took the time to re-work a few of the traditional holiday songs it might give them just enough of a contemporary edge to catch on with the younger generation. We’ve seen aging musical artists such as Elton John, Madonna and Tim McGraw team up with popular rap and hip hop artists like Justin Timberlake, Eminem, Rihanna and Lil Wayne to create a more appealing sound to target the music buying demographic of mid-teen boys and tweener girls. That’s exactly what this holiday season needs: people embracing the lost art of caroling again. It might be just the ticket—start the New Year with a smile on our faces and a song in our hearts, and good things will happen.

After spending hours locked in a dark closet, with only a strand of twinkling lights to provide illumination, I had an epiphany. In an attempt to capitalize on several topical issues, I’ve reworded a few of our beloved, feel good holiday songs to inspire people to carol. Feel free to hum along as you read my poetic stylings:
JaMarcus the Raiders QB
(sung to Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer):
JaMarcus the Raiders QB
Couldn’t complete a single pass
and if you watched on Sunday’s
it was obvious why the team was in last (place)
All of the Seahawk players
made him fumble and called him names
Coach Cable wouldn’t let poor JaMarcus
Play in any divisional games
Then one losing Bronco game
Al Davis came to say
JaMarcus with your arm so weak
Won’t you drive the bus this week
Then all the players loved him
and the Raiders finally won a game
JaMarcus the new bus driver
You’ll be in the Greyhound Hall of Fame

Let it Mend (sung to Let It Snow):
The economy this year is frightful
bankruptcy ain’t so delightful
Next Year we’ll all have money to spend
Let it mend, let it mend, let it mend
The stock market doesn’t show signs of stopping
bio fuel and solar energy are hopping
I got a hot stock tip from a friend
let it mend, let it mend, let it mend
When everyone goes back to work
How I’ll love seeing all that glee
We’ll go back to the good old days
of giving gifts like they were free
My attitude has gone from bad to good
and my dear I feel it should
I’ve got Tequila and a reason to blend
Let it mend, let it mend, let it mend.Arnold the Governor (sung to Frosty the Snowman):
Arnold the Governor, was a jolly happy soul
with muscled frame and charming wife
and state deficit with a mighty whole
Arnold the Governor, is a fairy tale they say
He tried his best, but made a mess
but the Terminator he once did play
There must have been some magic in that
$3,000 designer suit he wore
for when they placed it on his back
he owned the senate and assembly floor
Oh, Arnold the Governor
was Mr. Universe back in the day
he knew he could and probably would
star in Kindergarten Cop Part II – the play
Thumpidy thump thump
thumpidy thump thump
Look at Arnold run
Thumpidy, thump thump
Thumpidy, thump thump
Politics wasn’t really any fun

The Swine Flu Song (sung to The Dreidel Song):
I have some flu like symptoms
I picked them up today
I have is a temp and coughing
Swine flu I do display
Oh sicky, sicky, sicky
I’ll feel better in a 5-7 days
who knows if it’s the real thing
but, Swine flu I do display

Maybe I’m no John Mayer or Taylor Swift, but let’s see them craft a holiday song that incorporates timely social issues such as news, politics, medicine and sports. I’m like a modern day Bob Dylan. No one appreciated his early word-smithing genius and now, unfortunately, no one can understand what he’s saying. I bet Bob Dylan carols, albeit in some gravelly mumble-type fashion.

But alas, I digress.

Caroling may be just what we our nation needs to rise like a Phoenix out of the ashes of this brutal economy. Embrace the joy of the season, at the top of your lungs, and lets all bring caroling back into fashion. It’s a grassroots movement, but one that I hope will promote some old school peace on earth and goodwill to man. It sure worked for the Fox television series GLEE. That’s my favorite show.

Now, pass me the eggnog and hand me my scarf and mittens, ’cause me and the family are hitting the mean streets of Blackhawk for some yuletide, non-religion specific, caroling.

Happy Holidays!

There is a friend who is a “zoo” guy. He loves going to and exploring zoos. At most of our get-togethers the topic of zoos comes up. Admittedly it is rarely me that introduces the subject, but rest assured he is always ready with a new zoo tale—no pun intended.

Now during most of these conversations I become passive because of his wider knowledge and keen interest which overcome my modest experience. However, a few years ago I touched the sky. I outshone him. I was able to reverse roles. I told, and he listened. I “out-zooed” him, but good. Let me tell you about it.

The year was 2004, and Barb and I found a super bargain put on by Singapore Airlines. The main focus of the trip, of course, was Singapore itself, but it did include one stop either going or coming along their regular airline routes. Our choice was Taiwan, and we spent a pleasant week wandering around Taipei and its environs. The highlight of that week was experiencing a typhoon in all its fury—but that’s another story. Next it was on to see Singapore itself.

Now we had visited this interesting little country five or six times previously, so we were well prepared for this stay. We chose the Traders Hotel which was a short block from the “hop-on/hop-off” bus route which gave us access to many of the places we hoped to see on that trip.

With the history of many previous vacations in Singapore behind us, we felt free to seek out each of our favorite places alone. For example, Barb really loves to meander through the many international communities and study the various crafts relating to the areas each represents—India, China, Arabian, Malaysia, et al. I, on the other hand, head for the Raffles Hotel, sit in the Writers’ Bar, and drink a Singapore Sling. I admit to day-dreaming a little here, visualizing Kipling, Maugham, Michener, and Conrad sitting next to me and sharing their adventures. There are a few spots we go to together, of course—the Singapore Museum, the marina area, Orchard Road, and the Botanical Gardens.

On this trip we also visited the United States Embassy on Napier Road. It seems that this is the only U.S. Embassy which will add pages to your passport—for free. In most cases if you fill up your passport, you must send it to Washington, D.C., and they will buff it up a bit. But for some unknown reason, the Embassy in Singapore was granted this favor. As our passports were chock-full, we wandered up to this huge concrete fortress, cleared the guard at the iron fence, passed the metal detectors in the lobby, and quietly waited twenty minutes while some official removed a staple or two, added twenty more pages, and
reassembled our little blue booklets.

But wait—this story is about zoos!

We love the Singapore Zoo, so naturally it was on our “visit together list.” One of the best times to wander through this extravagant layout is on one of their Night Safari tours. Most animals sleep during the day in the tropical heat, but come alive when the sun sets. Evenings are also their eating time, and the trainers go around feeding the animals in order to hurry up their wakeup schedule. The zoo has little open trolleys which transport you from feeding station to feeding station—allowing you to get off and on as often as you wish.

Now this time our Night Safari alone is worth bragging about, but we were lucky enough to visit the zoo on—of all days—Halloween. We climbed into our tram at about eight thirty in the evening. It was very dark outside and the platform lighting was intentionally muted with green filters, making everything a bit more surreal. The tram had spider web material all over it, and it was covered with iridescent paint in black and orange. All of the employees were dressed in scary costumes. Those feeding the elephants were dressed in African motif, the monkey tenders in clown outfits, and the kangaroo feeders in Aussie duds. Our driver—dressed in a werewolf outfit—spoke in a hushed, spooky voice. The normal lighting was off, and one could hear the animals moving around. As we passed through many very dark areas, several of the employees dressed in animal skins jumped out at us as we scooted along in our tram—shouting and jumping about—scared everyone! This brought squeals of delight form the kids of all ages riding around in the tram.

As we approached each of the animal feeding areas, a soft light would be activated, and we could watch the animals eating away, oblivious of their guests in the little spooky tram. Then, we were taken into an area which allowed many animals free range. They, of course, were the more gentle ones such as deer and the Malayan Tapir. The driver had treats for most of them, so they elbowed their way next to the tram. The tapir got quite friendly with us and traveled along for quite a while. Sadly we came to the end of the ride much too quickly. After the tour, we went to a show called “Creatures of the Night.” Wild animals were the “actors and actresses”—and they included a white owl, a binturong on a wire, raccoons, otters, a very large wolf, and a puma. They all were actors in the show. It was truly terrifying to see a puma freely wandering about. At other times sheer enjoyment was the overriding emotion—just watching the binturong perform. One highlight was a large python which had wrapped itself around a young lady in the third row. In the middle of the show she was spotlighted—striking terror into the hearts of her neighbors and causing a good deal of screaming.

All in all, it was an amazing zoo experience—one which gave me the stage on my next visit with my “zoo” guru!