January 2016

Dear HSSS,
My girlfriend refused to travel with me to visit my family on the East Coast over the holidays. She claimed she doesn’t like the cold and didn’t think it was imperative to meet my family at this time. We have been dating for 18 months, and I’ve already met her family several times. Is this a sign?
Overreacting (?) in Lafayette

He Said: Yes, this is a bad sign. Just because your girlfriend hasn’t put a billboard up downtown doesn’t mean she’s not sending you a sign. Have you noticed any changes in her attitude toward you in the past few weeks? Let me translate: Chances are, your girlfriend has probably checked out of this relationship somewhat and doesn’t care enough to take all the other baggage that comes along with you. Unfortunately, family is baggage and usually when a significant other meets family, that’s when the relationship gets real. For her, the only thing that’s real about this relationship is that it’s really over.

She Said: Ouch, Shawn! But from a woman’s perspective, I have to admit that meeting family is a big deal. If she wanted to move the relationship forward, meeting your family would be important to her after 18 months. If you’re okay with just dating, no problem, but if you thought this was going somewhere, I’m afraid the sign is “Dead End.” Oh, and by the way, it just wasn’t that cold on the East Coast this year!

Dear HSSS,
My boyfriend recently got a second job working in a strip club. His friend got him the job, and he makes great money, but I don’t agree with him being in this environment. Is it right for me to give him an ultimatum to either quit this job or I’ll break up with him?
Second job or me in Dublin

He Said: I normally don’t recommend ultimatums in a relationship but then I normally don’t recommend that guys work in a strip club when they’re in a relationship either. So yes it’s definitely ultimatum time. And no you shouldn’t feel bad about it. Based on his job selection, it sounds like your boyfriend lacks common sense. So be prepared for him to try to spin this as his golden opportunity to make great $$$ and get ahead in life. Simply let him know that you didn’t sign up for this and that he’ll no longer have a girlfriend to spend this $$$ on if he keeps working there. But you have to follow through on your promise to break up with him if he keeps this job because if you don’t, you’ll soon be cheated on with a stripper.

She Said: I’m thinking you probably wouldn’t have started dating this guy had he been working at a strip club when you met him, am I right? Yes, this would be a deal breaker for me too, but let’s give the guy the benefit of the doubt and start a real conversation. Tell him you’re uncomfortable with his choice to work there and that you’d really like him to find another second job that isn’t so relationship threatening. If he refuses to see your side of this and accuses you of being ridiculous or jealous, it’s time to go, because this won’t be the last time he makes a unilateral decision that affects the relationship.

Robin Fahr is a public relations specialist and host of Conversations, seen daily on Tri-Valley TV, Channel 30 and online at www.trivalleytv.org. Shawn and Robin can be heard on He Said/She Said on The Talk Pod, www.thetalkpod.com. Send your questions to www.AskHeSaidSheSaid.com.

I don’t often agree with the “Critics.” If they all say it’s great, I tend to stay clear. If the “Audience” ratings are high, I grab my umbrella and head to the theater. The Martian is an anomaly…it received a 93% rating by both. Yup, exactly the same and I’m not sure I’ve ever seen that.

I’m not really a huge fan of Science Fiction or Fantasy but this movie just felt more like a true story or maybe a documentary to me. I thought it was credible in a weird kind of way. While I was doing my research for the review I found an article on Space.com titled ‘The Martian’ Might Be the Most Realistic Space Movie Ever Made. Aha! That must be why a moviegoer that isn’t really a fan of Science Fiction or Fantasy thought it played like a true story!

Matt Daman (Mark Watney) is part of a mission team on Mars. It’s not too long before they head back to earth and there is a storm; an outer space size storm. Mark is presumed dead by his team and they have a finite amount of time to escape. The mission commander makes the call and they board their craft and leave the planet, for good.

Mark awakens injured with the realization that he is alone, truly alone. He pulls the a piece of the antenna out of his side, doctors his wound and sits down to figure out what comes next. Damon brings optimism, nerdiness and more than a touch of crazy to this character. Not totally unlike Tom Hanks in Castaway, Damon talks to himself and answers himself (I’ve been known to do that). There are many more characters in The Martian but he is truly alone, not just on a deserted island but “140 million miles away from home” kind of alone.

While NASA tries to figure out how to help him and his crew doesn’t even know he’s still alive, Mark Watney decides it’s pretty much up to him to save himself. He first checks his food supplies; 31 days. He knows a rescue is four years away so he comes to the realization that he will have to “science the shit out of this.” He’s a botanist, the self-proclaimed “Greatest Botanist on this planet!” He sets out to grow his own food from the potato left in his meager food supply.

There is only one moment in time, when everything has gone wrong that Watney sits in his chair, raises his eyes upwards and screams, “God!” He then sits up straight and starts to work once again on his myriad problems.

I found The Martian absolutely fascinating. Each team member had a specialty but underlying that there was this crossover brilliance. I suppose when you are preparing to become an astronaut you have to learn much more than your own little piece of the team (just in case you get left behind on Mars!). To quote the article in Space.com: “A science-fiction film’s ‘accuracy’ or ‘realism’ shouldn’t hinge only on the science and technology, but also on the presentation of scientists and their culture. With that in mind, ‘The Martian’ might be the most realistic (but fictional) space movie of all time.”

I truly enjoyed this film. I am so glad that I saw it on the big screen when I could but all is not lost. It comes out on DVD this month, so if you don’t have a huge screen at home, check out all your friends, see who has the biggest screen and invite yourself for a movie night. The least you can do is bring the popcorn and the Junior Mints!
I look forward to your comments at chastings@rockcliff.com.

There is a special place in my heart for coffee shops in general. You see, I am an artist and coffee shops are where I go to feel the buzz. In any given coffee shop there is palpable energy flowing from every fingertip that rattles a keyboard, every meaningful long-distance stare to the ceiling depicting a momentary lapse of “what to say” and every connection being made by people waiting for their favorite beverage.

I am also well versed in the art of locating the best spots to promote creativity. Much like Goldilocks (mind you I am bald), I tried out many local establishments to find the right fit. This one is tooooo cold, this one’s Internet is toooo slow, but this is one is just right!

The one that became the best fit for me was Peet’s Coffee in Alamo.

We had just started our long dreamt about company that specializes in social media management. I was/am the creative henchman that scoured the internet and custom created content to blast out on our clients’ Facebook pages, Twitter accounts and Instagram profiles. At the time, I was posted up in a different shop across town but quickly deduced that they were intentionally freezing me out as soon as I stopped buying refills. There could have been some conspiracy theory here, as I did not have the physical proof, but my caffeine limit was directly proportional to their AC system. It was time to move.

At first I was apprehensive about going to Peet’s simply because my one sister-in-law was the manager there forever and had recently handed the reins over to my other sister-in-law (shout out to Shannon and Chloe…you’re the best!). Then my senses returned and I knew that having family there would probably negate any passive aggressive tactics being brought against me. So I took my laptop and headed over.

It took me a while to find the right table. I didn’t get anything done when I worked next to this one lady because we talked all the time and this table was too close to the front door. Finally I found the back table (where I am right this minute out of nostalgia). From this big table I made Peet’s my office. I met wonderful people…ALL OF THEM, and enjoyed the speed of their public Internet. I discovered the array of healthy and wonderful snacks they provided like the Vegan Scones, Lentil Salad and my go-to lunch, the Cheese and Fruit Box. I was welcomed everyday by the same smiling faces that were genuinely happy to see me, where they asked about my family and said things like, “Say hello to Kristen for us.” Seasonal beverages that toppled my previous understanding of “coffee” sucked me in and held me captive. I wrote some of my most poignant prose and created some of my proudest graphics. This became my home away from home and I was excited to get there everyday.

Today, I often work from home, but every now and then I need to log off and push my laptop aside to go down the street, see good old friends and have a Cheese and Fruit Box.

Alamo Plaza Shopping Center
215 Alamo Plaza
(925) 791-6163

My apologies for letting 2015 slip by without paying respect to the many notable people who would have turned 100, if they had only had the foresight to live that long. Let’s review some of those names.

1. There was more than one TV tribute to the 100th birthday of Frank Sinatra. His career was almost toast until he won an Oscar for playing a doomed soldier in what 1953 film?

2. He almost lived until 100. His great career as a character actor involved playing a Mexican bandito in two memorable movies. Who was he?

3. He won two Oscars, but was best known for playing Zorba the Greek. Who was he?

4. She won three Oscars for acting, but may be best known for saying “Play ‘As Time Goes By’, Sam.” Who was she?

5. He directed what American Film Institute claims is the best American film of all time. He only directed a handful of films and was once married to Rita Hayworth. Who was he?

6. He was the original Tevye on Broadway in “Fiddler on the Roof” and the original Max Bialystock in the movie “The Producers.” Who was this outsized talent?

Working, saving, investing, and spending are the four pillars of financial life management, or FinLife®, as we call it. We can intuitively understand that the four actions are tightly interconnected, but what may be less obvious is that they are all equally important. While discussion of the fourth pillar, spending, may sometimes be neglected in favor of the other three, we feel that it is so important to a well-balanced FinLife® that we’re devoting an entire month to discussing the subject. After all, even the most diligent savers plan to spend their funds someday.

We’ll start off the topic of spending with a little whimsy. Consider the following sentence:After spending their whole life working,savers often plan to spend their retirement spending their savings. While admittedly repetitive, the sentence illustrates the profound importance generally attached to spending. Part of FinLife® is making choices that allow us to feel like we’re “spending” well.

For those still in the accumulation phase, there is a different nuance: how much they spend dictates how much they might save, which can affect how long they plan to work.Where you are with respect to working, saving, investing, and spending may mean that you need to approach your portfolio differently. Someone who is accumulating assets versus someone who is relying on their investments for cash flow needs (such as in retirement or for college expenses), may likely invest their entire portfolio very differently. United Capital has tools available for many different sets of investors, but let’s focus first on ways someone who is spending down their portfolio might think about investing their assets.

Consider how we think about investing, using a triad of low cost tracking, performance, protection and tax minimization.

Someone who is close to using their portfolio for cash flow needs may want to explore strategies that lie on the Protection axis, for example. These investors may want to attempt to limit downside volatility – even though it may limit upside potential – with the goal of preserving capital from which to draw during retirement.

Other investors, perhaps those already in retirement, may consider a strategy that focuses on income and preservation of capital, which can be found among any of the four attributes of low cost tracking, outperformance, protection or tax minimization, depending on the strategy in question. Indeed, when nearing or entering retirement, some investors may (perhaps incorrectly) approach investing and spending as binary decisions: either they are investing or they are spending. Unfortunately, they may not consider the two in tandem, despite a retirement that may span nearly as long as their working life.

That is where FinLife® comes in. These considerations of working, saving, investing, and spending are not meant to be viewed in isolation, but rather together. Investing in a manner that allows you to spend both prudently and confidently, for example, may be a useful way to approach your particular situation. How much you spend relative to the size of your portfolio can make a big difference to how you invest your assets. For some investors, shifting from an accumulation phase to the distribution phase of their investment process might not necessarily mean an abrupt shift in their entire portfolio allocation. For other investors, careful consideration to their asset allocation may be in order.

Your experienced United Capital financial adviser can help you determine what course best suits you and your particular situation. Considering how near or how far to your investment objectives you are may mean that changing your investment strategy could make sense.

It could also mean that your spending habits may need to change as well. Having discussed how some investors’ portfolios may need to be adapted to their spending needs in retirement;other investors may need to consider whether their spending patterns allow them to save enough to even reach their retirement goals. Since what is spent cannot be saved, if you are far from your retirement savings goals, then it may make sense to consult with your United Capital financial adviser to better understand successful approaches for modifying spending so that you can more reliably save enough.

We can see how these aspects are related. Considering the intersection of these variables may help you determine how to invest your portfolio, either more aggressively or more conservatively, and how much you must save versus spend. In turn, these decisions may affect how long you plan to work. In your financial life, every decision you make affects something else when it comes to working, saving, investing, and spending, and it is important to understand how. And that is the role of your experienced United Capital financial adviser.

Mr. Kelly Trevethan is a Certified Investment Management Analyst & Registered Financial Consultant. He is a Managing Director with United Capital Financial Advisers LLC, a national private wealth advisory firm with 79 offices across the nation. He can be reached at 415-418-2101. To obtain your free copy of the New York Times Bestselling book “The Money Code”, email him at Kelly.trevethan@unitedcp.com.

Disclosures: United Capital Financial Advisers, LLC (“United Capital”) provides financial life management and makes recommendations based on the specific needs and circumstances of each client. For clients with managed accounts, United Capital has discretionary authority over investment decisions. Investing involves risk and clients should carefully consider their own investment objectives and never rely on any single chart, graph or marketing piece to make decisions. The information contained in this piece is intended for information only, is not a recommendation to buy or sell any securities, and should not be considered investment advice. Please contact your financial adviser with questions about your specific needs and circumstances.

Certain statements are forward-looking statements, including but not limited to, predictions or indications of future events, trends, plans or objectives. Undue reliance should not be placed on such statements because, by their nature, they are subject to known and unknown risks and uncertainties. There are no investment strategies that guarantee a profit or protect against a loss.

© 2015 United Capital Financial Advisers, LLC. All Rights Reserved

www.unitedcp.com

Well, how did things turn out for you this past year? Did everything turn out the way you wanted? Did you meet all of your goals; succeed in everything you set out to accomplish? You don’t have to tell me—I know the answer.

I’m not sure why it is so hard to remember that if not for anything else, failure and set-backs can be powerful motivators; that adversity is the fertile ground where progress and eventual success is spawned. The longer one lives, the more we come to understand that life is not a rail line through some Midwest prairie; it is the Big Dipper at the boardwalk—a flat track punctuated by a series of ups, downs and unexpected turns.

As good as it is to try and remember this in an academic way, it helps to hear the stories of others who experienced setbacks or were told “they’d never make it” – some who eventually rode their coaster back up to “the top.” Here are some “failures” you may recognize…

• Charles Schultz’s drawings were rejected by his high school yearbook.
• Henry Ford failed in business and went broke five times before founding the Ford Motor Company.
• Colonel Harland Sanders was a 6th grade dropout. At age 65 he was rejected 1,009 times before a restaurant bought his famous chicken recipe.
• Walt Disney was once fired by a newspaper editor because, “he lacked imagination and had no good ideas.” He started a number of businesses that failed and ended with bankruptcy.
• The Beatles were rejected by numerous record labels including Decca Records, which said, “The Beatles have no future in show business.”
• Steve Jobs was fired from Apple. He failed with NeXT computers and the Lisa computer.
• Michael Jordan was cut from his high school varsity basketball team.
• J. K Rowling was divorced, bankrupt and on welfare when she wrote the first Harry Potter book. A dozen publishers rejected it before one finally agreed to publish it.
• Steven Spielberg dropped out of high school and applied to attend film school three times but was turned away because of his C grade average.
• Albert Einstein did not speak until he was four and did not read until he was seven. His parents and teachers considered him mentally handicapped and anti-social. He was expelled from school and was refused admittance to the Zurich Polytechnic School.
• Thomas Edison was told by his teachers that he was “too stupid to learn anything.” He was fired from his first two jobs and made 1,000 unsuccessful attempts at inventing the light bulb.
• Oprah Winfrey was once fired from her job as a TV reporter because she was “unfit for TV.”
• In his first film, Harrison Ford was told by movie executives that he “didn’t have what it takes to be a star.”
• In 1954, the manager of the Grand Ole Opry fired Elvis Presley after just one performance telling him, “You ain’t goin’ nowhere, son. You ought to go back to drivin’ a truck.”

As we look forward to 2016, I can predict with one hundred percent certainty that you (we) will have setbacks. We will face challenges, some of which may appear insurmountable.
But when your coaster is rocketing down a slope with no end in sight, recall this list and know that you are in good company. Do your best to enjoy the ride, and rest in knowing that you’ll be headed back up before you know it!