Feeling grateful for having shelter, food, clothes, money, and people that care about us is a healthy gift to our minds, bodies, and spirits. In this way, having an “attitude-of-gratitude” creates a positive state of mind and is a great stress-busting tool.
On the other hand, it is common to over-focus on what’s not right in our lives—especially during holiday times. Increased family pressures and demands on our time and money—create a recipe for “super-sized” holiday stress (it’s no wonder we overeat!) Can you relate?
Now, let’s not forget that holiday stress is exacerbated by unrealistic expectations (and their close cousin: perfectionism). When we feel nothing we do is ever good enough, we may become habitually stuck in a negative cycle. For example, we may have recurring thoughts like, “I’m not young enough, successful enough, and I’m a disappointment to my family.” Occasional comparisons are one thing, but chronically feeling “less than” can be a sign of low self-esteem. When we’ve lost sight of our inner value and become overly focused on our outer value, we may find ourselves sleeping poorly and waking up in the middle of the night worrying.
The good news is, here are two tools I often offer my clients (and use myself) to help reduce stress and embrace an authentic attitude-of-gratitude:
“What’s Buggin’ Me?”
Even though “positive thinking” is good for the mind, body, and spirit—denial—is not. That’s why I start my mood-shifting process by first exploring what is bothering me. Otherwise, if I go straight for the “Attitude-of-Gratitude” tool, I’ll be slapping white paint on the wall and ignoring the “mildew” growing underneath. So here’s a way to see if there’s wisdom…or an important message that the “mildew” is offering.
1) I begin by asking myself, “What’s buggin’ me?” I often journal a few paragraphs to vent about what’s up with me. I pay attention to angry or resentful feelings and explore below the surface to uncover any vulnerable feelings like fear, sadness, or guilt. In this venting stage I write freely without concern for spelling, punctuation, or “being nice.” In other words—I let it flow (with a fully-functioning shredder nearby).
2) After venting through journaling, I then think about whether there is some constructive action I can take. If something comes to mind, I go for it. Or, if it’s 3 am, I make a list of some “action steps” I can begin taking the next morning. I also consider doing research, getting advice, support, or whatever will help me get over and beyond the challenge that is worrying me. Taking action usually gets me out of the “helpless mode” and onto an empowered and productive track. After the “mildew” has been explored and any wisdom retrieved, I then reach for the following tool.
“Attitude-of-Gratitude”
Did you know that fear, anger, and sadness have difficulty coexisting with positive feelings like gratitude? Yep, they do. And, focusing on positive feelings moves us out of the victim role. So, to continue shifting out of my worry cycle, I often practice this simple “three-step process” by doing the following:
1) Pulling out a pen and a piece of paper.
2) Taking a few abdominal breaths to get “out of my head” and deepen my connection with my body.
3) Making a list of people, places, pets, and things for which I feel grateful.
Now, this may sound too simple, but it can affect our mood and outlook. If my brain resists shifting gears and nothing comes to mind, then I start exactly where I’m sitting. I mindfully look down to see if I have clothes on my back and shoes on my feet. If so, then these are the first things I write down. Is there a roof over my head? Great, then that means I’m both clothed and sheltered.
In addition, acknowledging the special personality traits—in our loved ones and ourselves—is a wonderful way to clarify what we’re grateful for. When doing this exercise, I look for qualities like compassion, reliability, creativity, and playfulness.
As a result, once we move out of the worry cycle, the positive juices usually start flowing. These two tools, “What’s Buggin’ Me?” and “Attitude-of-Gratitude,” are great stress-busters when we want to shift away from negativity and worry. The reward is to move from our heads into our hearts, and create a nourishing Thanksgiving holiday. Finally, let’s broaden our scope and cultivate an authentic “attitude-of-gratitude”…that is renewable all year long.
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Trina Swerdlow, BFA, CCHT, is a Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist, an artist, and the author and illustrator of Stress Reduction Journal: Meditate & Journal Your Way to Better Health. Trina has a private practice in downtown Danville. You can reach her at: (925) 285.5759, or info@TrinaSwerdlow.com.
Certified Clinical Hypnotherapy services in California can be alternative or complementary to licensed healing arts, such as psychotherapy.
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