Dad’s Night Out

The Personification of a Dad’s Social Networking Group

I love being a dad. It’s the greatest job in the world with perhaps the one exception being Howie Mandel’s sweet gig as the host of Deal or No Deal. Since the day my children were born, I thought nothing of rushing home from a hard day’s work to put in another five or six hours as the newly defined “active dad.”

Active Dads are those of us who, in addition to earning a living, enthusiastically assume our 50% share of the child rearing duties by participating in such rituals as play time, bath time and bed time. Once the kids are a little older those activities transcend into coaching sports, helping with homework, making lunches, monitoring TV/computer/video game/cell phone usage and refereeing UFC style disagreements.

Those chores are on top of helping our wives around the house with the cooking, cleaning and laundry. That’s in addition to my regular responsibilities of garbage emptier, lawn mower, car washer, bill payer and spider killer. Fifty-nine days out of sixty it’s all about the wife and kids, but on that 60th day/night I think I deserve a little “me time.”

My “me time” is defined as a night out with the fellas. One night, every other month, when I can get together with a few of my closest buddies in a relaxed and comfortable setting to chat, commiserate and share our inner most thoughts and fears about the rigors of being a working husband and dad. It’s a chance to bond and develop relationships with other men going through a similar phase in their lives. We often talk about the economy, sports, religion, politics, the environment or more often than not, just how to be better husbands and fathers.

The “Guys Night Out” was a direct take off of the similarly themed, “Girls Night Out,” possibly made popular by the Iron Horse Mother’s Club. The fact that we hold our meetings ever other month at Danville Bowl is irrelevant. Sure, we’ve been known to over indulge in festive libations made of hops and barley, hoot and holler like frat boys, smack talk like pro athletes, wager like degenerate gamblers and be worthless at work the next day, only reinforces our amateur sociology theory. After extensive research, I’ve concluded that, for the good of the family unit, married men/fathers need a harmless night out with the boys.

Dating back to cavemen, the head of the clan occasionally needs to blow off some steam and recharge the battery. Instead of hunting parties or sweating it out in a mud hut, suburban men of our day need to do something indigenous to our area, like playing poker, joining a softball team or bocce ball league, attending a sporting event or go bowling.

I wish Dad’s Night Out was every week. I need more “me” time and DNO embodies everything good in our world, friends, beer and bowling. Everyone needs to relieve stress – especially now. Anonymous

Shortly after my wife gave birth to our first child she informed me that she was joining the Iron Horse Mother’s Club. In my typical role as loving husband and father my response was probably, “What’s for dinner?” It didn’t take me long to find out how valuable the Iron Horse Mother’s Club (IHMC) was going to be in our lives. The IHMC was formed in 1996 to serve as a resource to mothers (especially new moms) in the San Ramon, Danville, Dublin and Alamo communities. This wonderful network of mom’s with young children meet regularly to socialize, share, learn, vent and, above all else, to get out of the house.

While many mother’s join to find a playgroup for their children, it’s not uncommon to develop long lasting friendships. Since merging with the Mother’s Club of San Ramon Valley, the group now has over 400 members and is involved in a variety of local activities, parenting issues and support endeavors. One of the most popular activities amongst its sleeper cells is “Mom’s Night Out.”

MNO usually takes place one weekday night a month when mom has the opportunity to enjoy an evening out with her girlfriends, but more importantly, an evening without her beloved children. The mommies congregate in a relaxed and comfortable environment to chat, commiserate and share their inner most thoughts and fears about the rigors of being a wife and mother, usually over a glass of white wine (Rombauer typically).

As the children get older (or the moms do, I’m not sure which), women gradually move on from the IHMC, but Mom’s Night Out remains a constant and book club is added to the monthly schedule of must attend activities.

My wife goes out at least once a week for Bunco, PTA or some type of Cabi/BodyShop/ Pampered Chef/Southern Living show. Half the time I don’t even know where she is, but that’s my tradeoff for DNO and it’s worth it. Anonymous.

During a casual conversation with a few of the neighborhood dads, a little over four years ago, the following thought provoking question was raised, “Hey, why don’t we have a dad’s club?” and like that, Dad’s Night Out originated. What started out as a mere six dad’s getting together for one evening on the town has blossomed into upwards of twenty-four dads rearranging their business travel schedules to avoid missing our every other month night out of bowling.

Initially, we thought about meeting at someone’s home or utilizing a room at a local church. We even considered an HOA clubhouse or having coffee at a book store, but ultimately we chose bowling to avoid any clique accusations. As everyone knows, bowling is a form of exercise and with our busy schedules it’s hard to always get in a workout. A bowling alley also has a certain intrinsic social networking appeal. It comes with wearing rented shoes.

An executive decision was made to not begin our gathering until 9:00 p.m., allowing each of us to spend ample time with our families before we went out. We didn’t want to be accused of neglecting our “active dad” duties and depriving our wives of the night time assistance they’ve come to expect.

This may sound a little corny, but with everyone’s busy schedule this is one thing on the calendar we can all depend on to get together…perfectly timed to start at 9pm, so dinner’s complete, homework done and kids are on their way to being asleep and, because it’s only every other month the wife can’t complain (too much)… Anonymous

There are seven simple rules of Dad’s Night Out. 1) Never talk about Dad’s Night Out. It’s a lot like fight club. 2) Be on time and never flake on the group. If you say you’ll be there and don’t show up that would be disrespecting the group and grounds for expulsion. 3) Don’t take the game too seriously. We’re there to have fun, relax and verbally attack the weakest bowler. Nobody should be trying to roll a 300. 4) Don’t forget to buy beer. Each participant is required to purchase one six pack of beer from the alley bar at some point during the evening. You can always tell a newbie by the fact that they purchase a premium beer while the grizzled veterans are content sucking down Bud or Coors Light. Even if you have an important meeting the next morning and are limiting your alcohol intake you are still expected to contribute to the group. 5) The stakes are $2.00 per game and $1.00 if you throw a gutter ball. Winning team shares the pot. The gaming angle is because most men have some form of ADHD and money keeps us focused. 6) Make sure your bowling brothers get home safely. Be safe and responsible. Finally, #7) What happens at DNO stays at DNO. It’s a lot like Vegas.

When my wife asks me how bowling was I usually just grunt and say, “fine.” There’s no way she could appreciate how important Dad’s Night Out is to me. Women just don’t get the joyful appeal of guys ridiculing on each other, throwing back brewskies, swearing, scratching and competing at a game that most of us suck at. It’s just guys being guys and we love it. Anonymous

We’ve recently determined that Dad’s Night Out is even more fun if we establish a theme for the evening. Much like Rotary, Kiwanis or the Bloods and Crips, our gang likes to rally around a designated theme at our gatherings. What started with a Loud Hawaiian shirt night theme a few summers ago and has since morphed into a plethora of zany themes such as; employer logo night, support your favorite (baseball/football) team night, college alma mater night and we even threw one guy a baby shower. We all dressed head to toe in the color blue to send the expectant father of three girls a rush of male testosterone. They had a boy.

One former member suggested cross dressers night which explains why he’s a former member. Fortunately, we can always count on one of our more passionate brothers to take our designated theme a bit too far, as evidenced by his spandex Santa outfit last December. It was festive and yet disturbing.

Every DNO I’m running around the house like a madman looking for something “theme appropriate” right before I’m scheduled to leave. I know my wife thinks I’m a dork, but the kids think it’s hilarious. Anonymous.

The employees of the bowling alley have come to appreciate the energy our Dad’s Night Out brings to the lanes. Sam, the youthful senior who mans the front desk, looks forward to our visits and is ever ready with a recycled dirty joke and repeatedly asking if we’re an “alternative lifestyle” social group. The bartender warmly says she “hits the jackpot” every time we come in.

Thursdays, our night of choice thanks to the emergence of Casual Friday’s, is country music night at Danville Bowl and the music starts blasting at ten o’clock. Oddly, our game scores actually seem to improve the later it gets. Collectively we attribute this to the abundance of liquid performance enhancing supplements we consume. It must be the beer because none of us can see more than 15 feet down the lane once the lights go down and the lasers and strobes kick on. It’s like Wii on steroids.

I take the same approach as a closer in baseball after a bad outing…I have a short memory of how bad I actually was at our last event. I respond to the bi-monthly e-mail announcements as if I were Earl Anthony re-incarnated…calling out everyone on the list and letting them know that this is my night to take home the top score and big money… Anonymous

At the end of the night, the conclusion of three games, it truly doesn’t really matter who won, except for bragging rights and a little pocket change (money won is always sweeter than money earned and more than a few of the group are currently unemployed). We all shake hands or give each other a manly bro hug and go our separate ways until the next meeting in exactly eight weeks, which is approximately 56 days or 1,343 hours, not that we’re counting.

As our neighborhood carpool group climbs into the SUV (with our designated driver) we’ve come to expect a rowdy ride home with more than a few distasteful jokes at the expense of wives, careers or the kids athletic or academic shortcomings. Good times are good times and Dad’s Night Out (bowling and beer) is a great time.

DNO reminds me a lot of college except now we have money and a designated driver. Maybe it’s more like the movie Old School. It’s our own little fraternity for guys in their 40’s. Phi Bowla Frama. I can’t wait for rush week in the fall. Anonymous.

With June being the month we celebrate Father’s Day, we implore the mothers and children reading this article to not only embrace, but encourage Dad’s Night Out for the men you love. It doesn’t have to be a bowling group that they join, just some type of regularly scheduled social outing with a select group of their male friends. Men need to cut up, cut loose and hang out with their bros. Since real men don’t Twitter or blog, hell we can barely text, DNO is the personification of a dad’s social networking group.

We encourage all men reading this Public Service Announcement to align yourself with a group of your buddies and implement a Dad’s Night Out in your life.

The anonymous quotes throughout this article can be attributed to the men of our group not wanting to anger or upset their wives by speaking out. There’s safety in anonymity.