DR. WALLACE: I’m a rather short 15-year-old guy and I feel very self-conscious about my height most of the time. I’m definitely shorter than all of the guys in my freshman class, and I’m even shorter than some of the girls, which is embarrassing and makes me feel awkward when I’m around them.
I’ve been told that girls like taller guys, but I’ve never heard anything about girls specifically liking shorter guys. I’d really like to start dating, and there’s a girl I like that I’ve wanted to ask out, but does my height make me a lost cause?
I’m pretty friendly and my friends all tell me that I have a great personality, but my height holds me back from talking to girls I have not yet met. — Short in Stature, Long in Personality, via email
SHORT IN STATURE, LONG IN PERSONALITY: Height is only one of the hundreds of characteristics and features that make up a person, so don’t focus on it too much.
While it’s true that some girls like taller guys, not all girls feel this way. It is also true that many tall guys lack other characteristics and features girls find attractive, some of which you already have, like your famous personality!
So, do yourself a favor and don’t get caught up in the game of comparison. Focus instead on being the best version of yourself possible, and I can assure you that girls will take notice of your strengths. If you don’t dwell on your height and make it a bigger issue than it is, other people won’t either. There are many girls out there who won’t care at all about how tall you are and will be far more interested in who you are as a person.
These are the kinds of girls you will want to date anyway, so your height may actually work to your advantage in the sense that it may help to filter out girls who are only concerned with specific aspects of physical appearance and who are probably not ready for a meaningful relationship in the first place.
All finally, most importantly of all — you are certainly not a lost cause when it comes to the dating scene! In fact, I’d be willing to bet that you have a lot going for you, and that there are many girls out there who would be flattered if you were to ask them out, so do just that when the opportunity next presents itself.
I’M A SHY GIRL
DR. WALLACE: How come people keep telling me that I’m too shy? My parents, my teachers, my relatives and even my counselor have all mentioned that I need to talk more and express myself when I’m in public.
To me this is all nonsense; it’s just that I’m a little shy. In a new situation, I only like to speak a little here and there until I’m more comfortable.
Why do I need to change the way I naturally am? Why can’t I just be the person who I am right now? It seems everyone wants to make me into a different person. — A Shy Girl, via email
A SHY GIRL: Interacting with other people is human nature and you can certainly benefit from it, but I fully agree that you should be allowed to do this at your own speed. Your comfort level is very important, and you deserve to be comfortable in public.
I suggest that you stay true to yourself and don’t try to make wholesale changes just to please anyone else. But I do also suggest that you work on — gradually, at your own speed — trying to be just a bit more conversational here and there as you grow older.
You’ll know when and where you can do this, so plan in advance an idea or two of what you’d like to say to someone you know you’ll be seeing in public. Even just a few sentences of conversation will make you feel more confident.
I trust there is a middle ground you can find that suits you in this area, and the good news is that you are the right person to direct yourself in this regard. You don’t need to change your personality at all — just slowly work on communicating a touch more, when and wherever you can. Over time you’ll make great steps forward by gradually making small efforts when you can.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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