Dear HSSS,
Please settle the debate between my husband and me. Can men and women be just friends? P.B., Orinda
He Said: I could go on about the situations and scenarios where a man and a woman CAN be friends, but it really comes down to two things that have to exist for it to work: 1) They are not physically attracted to each other AND 2) They have never been intimate in the past. It’s as simple as that. I do not know of a healthy friendship between a heterosexual man and woman when either one of these conditions isn’t met. I must add, if your best friend is of the opposite sex, he or she is the one you should be in the relationship with, as all other relationships will be doomed. No exceptions!
She Said: The older I get, the more flexible my thinking. I used to feel as Shawn does, but now I see scenarios where men and women are friends, and it seems valid. A good example is people who work together. They see each other regularly, they start to share stories, offer advice, and maybe even get together socially. And what about your best friend’s spouse? Surely being friends with that person is good for everyone. I also think it depends on the person. There are those who get along better with members of the opposite sex and if that’s always been the case, fine. But beware of those who say they have lots of friends of the opposite sex only to learn they’ve broken Shawn’s second condition, which I agree, eliminates them from the “just friends” category.
Dear SSHS,
Texting is a great way to convey a quick thought when a phone call isn’t necessary, but how about some text etiquette? R.L., Alamo
She Said: Textiquette? Couldn’t agree more. Here are my simple rules:
1) No texting at the table. I don’t care whether it’s the family gathered around for dinner or whether you’re on a date. It’s rude and unnecessary.
2) No texting before the sun’s up or after 10 pm. This is simple consideration. Would you call someone on the phone before 7:00 am? I think not, so don’t text them either! A lot of us are doing without landlines these days, so cell phones must stay on in case of emergency. That little chirp at 6:05 am, informing the light sleeper that your flight is delayed and you’re bored, is of absolutely no interest at that hour.
3) If you’re going to write a tome, please consider using punctuation.
He Said: Everyone, including your grandmother, is texting nowadays — I agree, we need some guidelines. The most important rule: don’t text unless you can give it your complete attention. This means don’t pick up that phone if you’re driving, in class or a meeting, mid-conversation with anyone, during a meal, etc. And for heaven’s sake, enough with the abbreviations and misspelled words. LOL is about the only shorthand that should ever be in a text and even then, guys shouldn’t be using it at all. It’s emasculating.
Robin Fahr and Shawn Alikian host Conversations and He Said/She Said seen daily on Tri-Valley TV, Channel 30. Send your questions to www.AskHeSaidSheSaid.com.
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