Dear SSHS,
I’ve been dating this seemingly nice guy for about a month when he sent me an email saying he’s just not emotionally available right now and needs some time to reflect. I really like this man and wonder if I should be waiting around for him. ~Olivia, Walnut Creek
She Said: In my experience, people who are emotionally unavailable usually don’t know it and certainly don’t label themselves as such. It sounds like this guy heard this phrase somewhere and thought he’d try it on. We’re going to have to turn this over to Shawn to translate the guy-speak for us. In the meantime, I have a request for the grownups out there. Electronic breakups are cowardly. Let’s say we’re not going to email, text, or social media message our way out of relationships anymore, even if we are “emotionally unavailable.”
He Said: First off Olivia, let me apologize on behalf of all men out there who have ever said this to a woman. This is simply guy-speak for “I’m just not that into you.” This “nice guy” you’ve been dating has definitely taken the cowardly way out and didn’t want to plainly tell you his real feelings, which I’m sure he knew weeks ago. When a guy says things like this, he is making himself out to look like the victim so you don’t get mad at him for wasting the last month of your life. Do you really think if a super model crossed this guy’s path tomorrow that he’d still be emotionally unavailable? Hmmm…..I don’t think so.
Dear HSSS,
My oldest is a senior in high school and I find myself feeling really melancholy about the idea of his leaving for college next year. Is this normal? ~Kathy in Orinda
He Said: I clearly remember the day my parents dropped me off at college and my mom crying for about an hour before they left my dorm room. And trust me those weren’t tears of joy. What you’re feeling is definitely normal, but look at the bright side…your kid is going to college! Do you know how many parents out there wish this same opportunity for their kids? Consider yourself lucky that your child has a bright future ahead of him and the first step is higher education. And don’t worry, kids always come back home.
She Said: We all feel like this, especially if we’re close to our children. Let me assure you, the last year home anticipating their leaving, is worse than their actual leaving. Once they do leave, it’s a little tough the first three weeks, but then it becomes the new normal, and you’ll be surprised at how quickly you and the rest of your family adapt. Someone once said to me there’s only one thing worse than our children growing up and moving away: their NOT growing up and moving away.
Robin Fahr and Shawn Shizzo host Conversations and He Said/She Said seen daily on Tri-Valley TV, Channel 30. Send your questions to www.AskHeSaidSheSaid.com.
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