Dear HSSS,
I saw a good friend’s husband out with another woman. It sure didn’t look like business and it definitely didn’t look like family. He did not see me. Should I go to my friend with this information, or should I mind my own business?
~ TMI in Danville
He Said: From a man’s perspective, I just want to be sure you aren’t making a mountain out of a molehill. So, did you see anything inappropriate, or is this just a hunch? If it’s just a hunch then absolutely MYOB. If there’s more to it, then you should first bring it up to the husband and see if he can offer an explanation. If he admits to something or has a bogus explanation, then you owe it to your friend to tell her everything you know, guide her through the discovery process and be there as her rock for whatever she needs.
She Said: Old school would say MYOB, but we’ve graduated and it’s time for an advanced degree. If you’re sure of what you saw, go directly to the husband and tell him either he can tell his wife or you will. That should do it. But, if you do end up being the messenger, break it to your friend gently. Tell her what you saw and then offer to drive as the two of you stealthily follow him next time he has to “head back to the office” after hours. Best to rip the band-aid off quickly but circle the wagons for a lot of emotional support.
Dear SSHS,
We just built our dream cabin in Tahoe. It sleeps 16 comfortably, so not surprisingly, we’re hosting many friends. I love entertaining, but it takes a lot of work to prepare the place for guests and even more work after they all go home. Any thoughts on how I might make this as much fun for me as it is for them?
~ Exhausted in Pleasanton
She Said: Time for a little lesson in “house rules.” When everyone’s seated at your beautiful table, enjoying the delicious meal you undoubtedly prepared the evening of their arrival, simply bring up the fact that you are so glad everyone’s here and to ensure a good time is had by all, you’ll need the following: All guests strip their beds the morning of departure, put sheets and used towels in the washer, remake their bed with the second set of sheets in each closet, and return the freshly washed and folded sheets to closet backup position and towels to linen cupboards. Non-participants are not invited back.
He Said: Personally, I think hosting guests is more work than payoff, but if it’s something you enjoy, then let’s add the food ground rules. Guests staying for more than one night should help out with meal costs and prep. A good rule of thumb is to bring enough food and drink for everyone in the cabin for at least one or two full meals, so assign these meals to your guests well in advance. Cleanup afterwards should involve everyone who partook of the meal, bringing the kitchen back to pre-meal condition. Using biodegradable paper plates makes cleanup a whole lot easier too! Advance notice of cabin requirements is totally appropriate and will be appreciated by those who want to enjoy your place but just need a little guidance.
Robin Fahr is a public relations specialist and co-host with Shawn Shizzo on Conversations and He Said/She Said seen daily on Tri-Valley TV, Channel 30 and online at www.trivalleytv.org. Send your questions to AskHeSaidSheSaid.com.
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