He Said She Said with Robin and Shawn

Dear HSSS,
My boyfriend and I broke up a couple of months ago. It’s probably for the best because we’re both going away to college, but I’m really having trouble getting over it, and I cry all the time. Sometimes I wonder if I’m ever going to feel happy again. Help!
Heartbroken in Danville

He Said: Of course you’ll feel happy again! Just remember you broke up for a reason, and I’m sure it wasn’t just because you’re going off to different colleges. Everyone’s been in your shoes and it’s not until you feel this punched-in-the-gut feeling that you realize what love and emotions are truly all about. It’s okay to cry your heart out, but just make sure you get it all out over summer and start fresh at your new school next fall. You’ll meet more boys than you can imagine in college, and I’m sure this time next year you’ll barely remember your ex.

She Said: If this is your first break-up, then welcome to the human race. You know you’re really alive when this happens the first time, and let me assure you, what you’re feeling is universal. It feels like you’re going to die, doesn’t it? But you won’t. You’re right that this was probably inevitable, given where you are in life, but I’m sure you were looking forward to your last summer together. My advice is to give yourself appropriate grieving time, then call your friends, make plans, distract yourself, meet new people, do whatever it is you have to do to move forward. You will be happy again, but it takes time.

Dear HSSS,
My son did not get in to any colleges he applied to, so he’s decided to take a gap year and gain some work experience rather than go to the local JC. It’s so frustrating when well-meaning people ask him where he’s going to school in the fall. We need a snappy come-back.
Catherine, Walnut Creek

She Said: The best way to ask this question, for the well-meaning folks who are interested in what’s next, would be for them to ask your son what his plans are now that he’s graduated from high school. But people are programmed to think everyone’s going to college right off the bat, so forgive them. Rather than snappy, I’d try the enlightened route. “John” has decided to enroll in the school of life for a year and defer his education to next year when he’ll have a little more experience under his belt and money in his pocket. We’ll keep you posted.

He Said: There’s nothing wrong with giving a straight answer to that question. You or your son shouldn’t be embarrassed that he’s not going off to college as long as he has some kind of plan. What are his plans after his “gap year?” Once he knows this, he can answer anyone who asks with confidence. However, last I checked, it’s not any easier to get into a university after taking a year off school. If he really does plan on going to college, make sure you stay on him and remind him of his long term goals. Life doesn’t get any easier going into the workforce straight out of high school.

Robin Fahr is a public relations specialist and co-host with Shawn Shizzo on Conversations and He Said/She Said seen daily on Tri-Valley TV, Channel 30 and online at trivalleytv.org. You can also catch He Said/She Said on The Talk Pod. Send your questions to www.AskHeSaidSheSaid.com.