Dear SSHS,
Our youngest just left for college, which officially makes us empty nesters. The house is so quiet now and I’m realizing my husband and I have very little in common. I know I sound like a cliché, but I cannot see myself spending the next forty years like this. What do people do?
~ Kathy L., Walnut Creek
She Said: Well, don’t do anything just yet. You’re in a huge transition, so settle down and give yourself time to adjust to the new normal. What you’re experiencing is typical, and honestly, your husband could be feeling the same, so communication is key. I suggest you start with a vacation together and see if you can find the common ground that brought you together in the first place. If you’re still feeling this way in a year, you may want to do something, but for now, shelter in place.
He Said: Who says you need to have a ton in common with your husband? Raising children together is more in common than most couples ever have. What you need to do is get out of the house and not worry about reconnecting with your husband but instead rediscover yourself and what makes you happy. After all these years of focusing on family and children, you owe it to yourself to focus on YOU. Find somethings that you’re passionate about, and as Robin says, stay put for now, but get the heck out of that quiet house!
Dear HSSS,
I’m a 52-year-old guy who hasn’t been on the dating scene for a couple of decades. I’m doing the on-line thing now and wondering about the protocol when out to dinner and the bill comes. Who pays nowadays?
~ Going for Broke, Concord
He Said: This is a no brainer—you don’t usually get a second date if you don’t pick up the tab on the first date. Unfortunately for us guys this is how the dating world works and it’s the chivalrous thing to do. But chivalry goes both ways and it’s very refreshing to hear our female counterparts at least offer to pay their share or say something like “I’ll get the next one.” It’s a good sign that a woman is interested in you and not your wallet if she offers to pay. But Guys, don’t be a cheapskate; pick up the whole darn tab, at least on the first date.
She Said: Shawn and I have talked about this a lot and both admit we’re drawing a lot of conclusions based on what happens after the check is placed on the table. So I’m just going to tell you what’s going on behind the scenes for us. Shawn will always pick up the check, but Ladies, he really likes it if you at least open your purse and pretend to go for your wallet. That little game of, “oh let me get it; no I got it; oh are you sure?” goes on for a bit and ends with Shawn picking up the tab, but he feels good that you tried. Guys, I will always play that little game, but deep down, as Shawn told you, I want you to pick up the tab on the first date, that is if you want a second date. And I will reciprocate on the second date, if you’ll let me. Good luck—it’s not easy navigating the new dating age!
Robin Fahr is a communications specialist and host of Conversations seen daily on Tri-Valley TV, Channel 30 and online at trivalleytv.org. Shawn and Robin also host He Said/She Said on TheTalkPod.com. Send your questions to AskHeSaidSheSaid.com.
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