Dear Robin and Shawn,
I’m a 35-year-old guy who’s been dating a woman for a few weeks, and I’m not sure what to do about Valentine’s Day. I don’t want to make too big a deal of it, but I don’t want to blow it either. How important is it at this point? ~ Brian in Danville
He Said: Ahhh, the dreaded “Valentine’s Day dilemma.” Many a man before you has asked this question at some point in their dating lives. If you come on too strong, you look desperate. If you play it too cool and don’t do anything, you look insensitive and aloof. Here’s a simple rule: Most women love a little extra attention on this day whether they admit to it or not. You definitely haven’t been dating long enough to go all out with expensive dinner reservations and a big gift, but if you’re serious about her and want to keep her in the picture, you can’t go wrong with a simple token of your appreciation. By now you should know the type of things she likes but some good examples are a single rose, a nice box of chocolate, some higher-end take-out dinner brought to her house, etc. You can pair ONE of these with a funny but not too romantic V-day card, and arrange to spend part or most of the evening with her. Make plans to do this a week beforehand so she knows your intentions. Women always like to know in advance that they have plans on Valentine’s Day, but go above and beyond a simple gesture and you risk scaring her away.
She Said: Not bad, Shawn. People who say they don’t care about Valentine’s Day are usually not in a relationship! This is still pretty early in the game, Brian, but I can assure you, she’s wondering if you’re going to do something, and this could be a test. “It’s the thought that counts,” could not be more true in this case, so ignore the ads for big ticket items. Flowers are lovely but some florists take advantage of the holiday and jack up the price, so my suggestion is to go to your supermarket floral department, pick out a lovely bouquet, but then go to the floral counter and have them re-wrap the flowers for you. Do not present her with a bouquet in the plastic wrap with the purple price-tag still on it! Conversely, if your lady friend is reading this, I’m hoping she’ll also want to get in on the appropriate level of V-Day celebrating. One year, I got a heart-shaped pan, made a heart-shaped meatloaf, added a little red food coloring to the mashed potatoes and prepared a salad including hearts of palm and artichoke hearts. He’s still talking about it! Don’t overlook Valentine’s Day, but keep it simple this time around.
Robin Fahr and Shawn Alikian host Conversations and He Said/She Said seen daily on Tri-Valley TV, Channel 30. Send your questions to www.AskHeSaidSheSaid.com.
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