Dear SSHS,
My girlfriend has put on a little weight since we started dating, and I find her less attractive now. Should I let her know my feelings or just pretend I don’t notice? — DD, Orinda
She Said: Well you can let her know, but don’t be surprised if she then finds you less attractive. I know I wouldn’t want to stay with someone so superficial. Take a look at yourself. Are you worried that her gaining a few pounds is some sort of reflection on you? Does the way she looks affect the way you see yourself? If it’s a matter of a few extra pounds, I say keep it to yourself and try and figure out what’s going on with you. If her weight gain becomes more than normal fluctuation and she’s no longer able to do the things you used to do together, then let her know you miss doing those things and ask how you can help her to restore a healthier lifestyle.
He Said: If it’s just a few pounds then what’s the worry? But if it’s more than that and you’re genuinely less attracted to her now, then you owe it to yourself and to her to bring it up. However, be subtle in your approach because trust me, she has noticed the weight gain long before you ever did. Be polite and sensitive and ask if she wants to lose the “extra” weight and if she does then put together a healthy eating and exercise plan and participate with her. If she doesn’t want to lose the weight and it’s more of an issue for you, then I agree 100% with Robin and think there’s a bigger issue here than just a bigger-than-before girlfriend. Because when you really love someone, a few extra pounds shouldn’t make you love them any less.
Dear HSSS,
My husband and I love to host pool parties at our house in the summer. Every year we fight about the same thing, and with our girls getting older, we need to settle this one, once and for all. Is it appropriate for a grown man to wear a Speedo? — Blushing Sister-in-Law
She Said: Oh, I get it…Uncle John loves to make a splash and thinks he hasn’t changed a bit since his days on the high school swim team, right? Unless it’s the workout pool, I believe a Speedo on a man over the age of 18, is not only inappropriate but generally unattractive. My French friends may disagree, but a family pool party is no place for such revealing swimwear, and frankly, unless you have the perfect 6-pack, it looks ridiculous.
He Said: Let me keep this as simple as possible….A Speedo is a No-No. A child, teen, man, or old-timer should NEVER EVER be caught wearing a Speedo unless, of course, he is the next great Olympic swim champ. A man should never bear that much leg to the public, ever! And let me take this one step further, if a man has other anatomy that resembles that of a woman’s upper body, then that should really be covered too. Please spare yourself and us the embarrassment.
Robin Fahr is a public relations specialist and co-host with Shawn Shizzo on Conversations and He Said/She Said seen daily on Tri-Valley TV, Channel 30 and online at trivalleytv.org. You can also catch He Said/She Said on TheTalkPod.com. and The Talk Pod iPhone and iPad Apps. Send your questions to AskHeSaidSheSaid.com.
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