He Said/She Said with Robin and Shawn

Dear SSHS,
How quickly after a child leaves for college can you turn her bedroom into another purpose room? My stepdaughter is flying the coop in August and I could really use the space for my home business.
                                                                                                      –Kitchen Table Kathy

She Said: There’s a little word in your question that changes everything: stepdaughter. You have to be way more careful than if this was your birth daughter, otherwise it will look like you’re trying to get rid of her, and step- relationships are tricky enough. Discuss this with her dad, and once you’ve come to an agreement, let him do the telling. My rule of thumb has always been, at least let them come home at Christmas to the way things were, then come January, make her old room a shared space between office/guestroom.

He Said: Your stepdaughter has probably spent a lot of time in that room over the course of her childhood and probably considers it her sanctuary or safe place. Be VERY CAREFUL when you decide to invade her safe space and take it away from her. I would suggest you wait at least until she’s finished her first year of college and you get the feel that she is definitely not coming back home anytime soon. After that, be sure you’re not making the decision to change her room unilaterally and that her father is very much involved in the process.

Dear HSSS,
Last month you responded to a question regarding grown men wearing Speedo’s and you both agreed it was a no-no. But what about grown women in skimpy bikinis? Seems there’s a double standard here.                                                                                           –Playing fair in Pleasant Hill

She Said: Oh, we got a lot of blowback from that one. Most agreed with the Speedo rule, but then wondered if we’d be so adamant about the ladies and their swimwear. Is somebody complaining about scantily dressed women at pool parties? When I was a teen, the only complaints I heard were from the ample bodied middle-aged women who were jealous that we young things were getting too much attention! That said, there is a double standard. Victoria Secret, Sports Illustrated, Beyonce at the SuperBowl…you’re right, we’d never allow guys to wear so little and show so much on primetime.

He Said: Here’s my rule when it comes to “grown women” in skimpy bikinis – if they look good, then be my guest! Seriously, who wants to see anyone young or old wearing something skimpy if they don’t look good? There shouldn’t be an age restriction on feeling and looking ones best, but there are some simple rules. 1) Wear age appropriate attire around family and children. 2) If your body fat drapes over and covers up any part of the clothing, then don’t reveal it . 3) If in doubt, get a second opinion because there’s nothing worse than thinking you look better in something than you really do.

Robin Fahr is a public relations specialist and co-host with Shawn Shizzo on Conversations and He Said/She Said seen daily on Tri-Valley TV, Channel 30 and online attrivalleytv.org. You can also catch He Said/She Said on TheTalkPod.com. Send your questions to AskHeSaidSheSaid.com.