Dear SSHS,
Friends of ours are divorcing and my husband and I are having trouble navigating the sticky terrain of maintaining our friendship with both of them. She and I were friends first and then we introduced our husbands who really like each other. Now I worry about offending my friend when we have her ex-husband and his new girlfriend over. What’s the protocol? — BFF, Walnut Creek
She Said: This is a sticky situation, but one we’re seeing more and more. On the one hand, why do you have to invite the new couple over at all when you know it will hurt your friend’s feelings? Let the guys get together when they want to see each other. Your friend may be feeling displaced, and we girls gotta stick together. On the other hand, things change and it’s always good to cultivate new friendships. Just make sure you’re not announcing that you’re entertaining the new couple, and certainly don’t share what a good time you had. And absolutely never tell your friend how much she’d like the new woman. She would not.
He Said: To quote the great American philosopher Rodney King, “Why can’t we all just get along?” I never quite understood why divorces have to extend beyond the two people getting divorced. Good friendships are difficult to come by nowadays and usually take years to cultivate, so they shouldn’t be thrown away because your friend and her husband are no longer together. That being said, I agree with Robin that your husband should continue to stay friends with the ex and you should stay loyal to your friend. Don’t befriend the “new woman” and if you do, realize that it will come at the cost of alienating your friend, and you can’t blame her one bit for being upset with you.
Dear HSSS,
What is the best way to introduce people to my significant other at parties or business conferences? We are not married, but introducing him as my boyfriend sounds ridiculous at my age.
— Label-less, Lafayette
She Said: How about, “Hi everyone, I’d like you to meet _____” (fill in blank with his name). Why do we feel the need to make everyone else comfortable by identifying our relationships? If you really need something, you could say “partner” or if you’re in a committed relationship, I suppose you could say fiancé, but that could bring up even more unwanted questions. Just say his name – leave ‘em guessing.
He Said: If you really think that introducing someone as your boyfriend is ridiculous at your age, then you shouldn’t be dating this person. It’s your own insecurities that are driving you to feel self-conscious about having a boyfriend at your age. I would enjoy the fact that you found someone to spend time with and don’t worry so much about the label. If you are truly happy with your relationship choices, then it won’t matter if you call him your boyfriend, partner, friend, roommate, etc. But if you’re unsure of whether you are boyfriend and girlfriend to begin with, then that’s a whole different topic we should discuss.
Robin Fahr is a public relations specialist and co-host with Shawn Shizzo on Conversations and He Said/She Said seen daily on Tri-Valley TV, Channel 30 and online at trivalleytv.org. You can also catch He Said/She Said on The Talk Pod. Send your questions to www.AskHeSaidSheSaid.com.
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