He Said/She Said with Robin and Shawn

Dear HSSS,
I woke up the other day to an email from a friend I’ve known for 25 years. She said she no longer feels our friendship is beneficial and that, in essence, she is breaking up with me! She was never a great friend, more a taker than a giver, but my ego’s a little bruised. What do you make of this and should I respond?
~ Jane in Danville

He Said: With friends likes this, who needs enemies! First off, what kind of person does this? This is just plain weird and I think she’s telling you this to get some kind of reaction out of you. That being said, no, you should not respond. Unspoken words are so much louder in a situation like this. Your “friend” will go nuts trying to figure out why you didn’t respond and in the end, you’ll come out the winner. And if you absolutely feel the need to say something to this person, you should thank them and wish them the best. Doesn’t sound like she was much of a friend, and I’m sure you won’t even notice she’s gone.

She Said: I’m kind of impressed. Haven’t we all wanted to do this? Unfriending people is easy on Facebook, but directly? I’d have been even more impressed if she’d done it over lunch and then picked up the tab. You admit she was more a liability than a true friend, so let’s just be glad the trouble is over. Real friends stick with each other through thick and thin, so put the extra time you now have into those who deserve it. Respond if you want to, short and kind with honest understanding sprinkled in. Resist the need to engage. Onward and upward.

Dear SSHS,

My daughter is in her third year of college and has already gotten herself into financial trouble. Last year she was able to get a credit card and has already maxed it out and is no longer making payments because she doesn’t have a job right now. Should I help her out or let her get through this on her own?

She Said: As a fellow mom, I know the temptation of wanting to save our kids from themselves. We don’t want them to fall too far, lest they mess up their futures. But this is one that’s going to take a little love and logic to prevent her from doing it again. Advice, yes. Help, no. Advise her to call the credit card company and negotiate a lower rate. She’s going to need to get a job, which will cut into her social time, but again, we’re trying to teach a lesson. Help her set up a budget for how much she has to pay each month to get the balance down. It should hurt a little. There will be no more new shoes for a while. She’ll thank you later when it’s time to buy something really big, like a house or a car.

He Said: Bottom line is that your daughter got herself into this mess, therefore she can get herself out. And you should view this is as the perfect opportunity to teach your daughter one of life’s most important lessons about financial responsibility. Whatever you do, don’t let her off the hook, and don’t give her a single cent to pay off her debt. Tell her to get a part time job or even sell some of the stuff she bought with that credit card and she’ll have it paid off in no time. Just keep in mind that if you help her now, she’ll forever think of you as that piggy bank to turn to whenever she has money troubles.

Robin Fahr is a public relations specialist and co-host with Shawn Shizzo on Conversations and He Said/She Said seen daily on Tri-Valley TV, Channel 30 and online at www.trivalleytv.org. You can also catch He Said/She Said on TheTalkPod.com. Send your questions to www.AskHeSaidSheSaid.com.