He Said/She Said with Robin and Shawn

Dear HSSS,
My husband has a rather big personality and has always spoken his mind, but lately he’s gone overboard. He has an opinion on everything and doesn’t hesitate to make it known. A family member mentioned that she was bothered by a comment my husband made at a recent family gathering. How can I get him to zip his lip? ~ Laura in Pleasanton

He Said: Chances are your husband doesn’t even have a clue that he’s offended someone or that he rubs people the wrong way with his commentary. Most people that like to hear the sound of their own voice mistakenly think that everyone else likes it too. I would simply mention to him that you’ve been told by several people that he crosses the line from time to time. Don’t make too big of a deal out of it, but just kindly let him know that most people can’t handle his off-color remarks and that he should do a better job of reading the room the next time he decides to tell people how he really feels. And reassure him that you love him for who he is, because what’s worse than a big personality? No personality at all.

She Said: Ah yes, the infamous KIA (Know-It-All). We’ve all known or been married to one of those—and the older they get, the more holes in the filter! They don’t know they’re doing it, so here’s what you do: in a quiet moment, when things are going smoothly, let him know that as much as you adore his effervescence, it can be a bit much sometimes. You know it’s not intentional, so when you notice it’s going a bit far, you will let him know by placing your hand on his arm and pressing gently, as your own personal secret code that he may want to dial it back a bit. My friend does this with her husband and it works like a charm, especially when she rewards his good behavior after everyone’s gone home!

Dear SSHS,
I am a16-year-old girl whose parents divorced eight years ago. I spend equal time with both of them, but my dad had to move out of our old neighborhood, so when I spend time with him, I feel really removed from my friends and my old life. We can’t afford to get me a car, and I hate to keep asking my dad to drive me around when I’m with him on his weekends. What should I do? ~ Bored in Orinda

She Said: I know there are rules about new drivers not being able to drive their friends around, so I sympathize with your dilemma. Divorce is tough on kids! How about talking to your dad about getting you a driving app, like Uber or Lyft? I use them all the time and am always pleased with the service. As long as you learn how to use them properly (try and refrain from using them at peak times) and don’t abuse the privilege, he might be really grateful to not have to taxi you around.

He Said: I was always taught that if you can’t afford something, then change your situation so that you can afford it. In other words, get a job so you can get that car! And Robin has a great idea with the driving apps like Uber or Lyft, but how about having your friends visit you when you’re with your dad? And there’s nothing wrong with spending some time away from your friends too. With all the technology nowadays, are you really ever that far from any of your friends at any given time? Just remember, your true friends aren’t going anywhere when you’re gone and I’m sure your dad wants to spend some time with you too.

Robin Fahr is a public relations specialist and co-host with Shawn Shizzo on Conversations and He Said/She Said seen daily on Tri-Valley TV, Channel 30 and online at www.trivalleytv.org. You can also catch He Said/She Said on TheTalkPod.com. Send your questions to www.AskHeSaidSheSaid.com.