He Said/She Said with Robin and Shawn

Dear HSSS,
My girlfriend refused to travel with me to visit my family on the East Coast over the holidays. She claimed she doesn’t like the cold and didn’t think it was imperative to meet my family at this time. We have been dating for 18 months, and I’ve already met her family several times. Is this a sign?
Overreacting (?) in Lafayette

He Said: Yes, this is a bad sign. Just because your girlfriend hasn’t put a billboard up downtown doesn’t mean she’s not sending you a sign. Have you noticed any changes in her attitude toward you in the past few weeks? Let me translate: Chances are, your girlfriend has probably checked out of this relationship somewhat and doesn’t care enough to take all the other baggage that comes along with you. Unfortunately, family is baggage and usually when a significant other meets family, that’s when the relationship gets real. For her, the only thing that’s real about this relationship is that it’s really over.

She Said: Ouch, Shawn! But from a woman’s perspective, I have to admit that meeting family is a big deal. If she wanted to move the relationship forward, meeting your family would be important to her after 18 months. If you’re okay with just dating, no problem, but if you thought this was going somewhere, I’m afraid the sign is “Dead End.” Oh, and by the way, it just wasn’t that cold on the East Coast this year!

Dear HSSS,
My boyfriend recently got a second job working in a strip club. His friend got him the job, and he makes great money, but I don’t agree with him being in this environment. Is it right for me to give him an ultimatum to either quit this job or I’ll break up with him?
Second job or me in Dublin

He Said: I normally don’t recommend ultimatums in a relationship but then I normally don’t recommend that guys work in a strip club when they’re in a relationship either. So yes it’s definitely ultimatum time. And no you shouldn’t feel bad about it. Based on his job selection, it sounds like your boyfriend lacks common sense. So be prepared for him to try to spin this as his golden opportunity to make great $$$ and get ahead in life. Simply let him know that you didn’t sign up for this and that he’ll no longer have a girlfriend to spend this $$$ on if he keeps working there. But you have to follow through on your promise to break up with him if he keeps this job because if you don’t, you’ll soon be cheated on with a stripper.

She Said: I’m thinking you probably wouldn’t have started dating this guy had he been working at a strip club when you met him, am I right? Yes, this would be a deal breaker for me too, but let’s give the guy the benefit of the doubt and start a real conversation. Tell him you’re uncomfortable with his choice to work there and that you’d really like him to find another second job that isn’t so relationship threatening. If he refuses to see your side of this and accuses you of being ridiculous or jealous, it’s time to go, because this won’t be the last time he makes a unilateral decision that affects the relationship.

Robin Fahr is a public relations specialist and host of Conversations, seen daily on Tri-Valley TV, Channel 30 and online at www.trivalleytv.org. Shawn and Robin can be heard on He Said/She Said on The Talk Pod, www.thetalkpod.com. Send your questions to www.AskHeSaidSheSaid.com.