He Said/She Said with Robin and Shawn

Dear SSHS,

I attended a bridal shower recently and learned that the wedding invitations have gone out and I didn’t get one. I thought perhaps we could blame the post office, but another woman at my table hadn’t received one either. It’s a destination wedding, which I know was done so they could avoid having to invite everyone they know, but isn’t this a little weird? Should I say something to my friend, the mother of the bride?          –Sierra M., Concord

She Said: Miss Manners would say that anyone you invite to the bridal shower must also be invited to the wedding, otherwise it’s called gift-seeking. Yes, weird and very bad form indeed. As to whether you should say anything to your friend, I would ask myself, was I going to pay for a plane ticket and hotel had I received an invitation to the wedding? If yes, I would talk to your “friend,” but if you weren’t going to go anyway, don’t make an issue out of it, but do save yourself some money…you absolutely do not need to buy a wedding gift if you’re not invited to the wedding!

He Said: Wow, so you’re special enough to come to the pre-party but not the party itself? Robin’s absolutely right, tacky and bad form indeed. Question is, should you say something to your friend? No! You have nothing to gain as you don’t want a sympathy invite to the wedding now, do you? Remember, this is someone else’s big lifetime event and they can invite/exclude whomever they want. Don’t make it about you, but keep this in the back of your mind and understand this person may not be as good of a friend to you as you thought.

 

Dear HSSS,

I’ve started dating a very interesting guy that I’m really attracted to. He told me that he likes me a lot and wants to continue our relationship but that he has to be honest when he says that the extra weight I carry is a having a negative effect on his physical attraction for me. I am up about 15 pounds up from where I’d like to be. Should I continue seeing this guy or is he a Shallow Hal?

–No Skinny Winnie, Oakland

 

He Said: Dump him like those 15 extra pounds you want to get rid of! I know that attraction and romantic connections are hard to come by but this one seems toxic from the start. The beginning of a relationship is where two people usually feel the most physical attraction and if he’s already knit-picking then you have an uphill battle ahead of you. I will give him a little credit for being upfront and honest with you and revealing who he really is, but now it’s your turn to take the hint and make the right next move.

She Said: I intentionally let Shawn answer this one first as I thought maybe guys would see the honesty thing as more important than the message—especially after every woman I ran this past said, “Buh-Bye, Dude.” Extremely proud of you, Shawn! So moving on from this, if you want to lose the 15 pounds you’ve gained, go for it, but do it for you. And consider the huge favor this guy has done you by showing his true colors early on. It’d have been so much worse to find out about his shallowness after you’d fallen in love.

Robin Fahr is a communications specialist and host of Conversations seen daily on Tri-Valley TV, Channel 30 and online at www.trivalleytv.org. Shawn and Robin also host He Said/She Said on TheTalkPod.com. Send your questions to www.AskHeSaidSheSaid.com.