He Said/She Said with Robin and Shawn

Dear SSHS,

I’ve been dating a guy exclusively for nearly three months, and when I posted on social media some pics of us at a party, he saw them and asked me to take them down.  He said he just didn’t like his personal life exposed, but I wonder if I should be suspecting something else.             –Suspicious in Walnut Creek

She Said: He saw them, so that means he’s on social media. My guess is that he’s either not really free to be in a relationship or that he just doesn’t want to appear to be, maybe keeping his options open. If you haven’t already done this, ask him what he thinks of you listing his name on your relationship status on FB. If he’s fine with it, you’ve got nothing to be suspicious about. If he doesn’t approve, it’s time to ask some serious questions. I know people who really just don’t like personal information out there, and maybe that’s all it is. Help us out here, Shawn. What’s going on in this guy’s head?

He Said: I can completely relate and understand where this guy is coming from. Robin makes some very good points about being suspicious and you should heed her warnings. BUT, and this is a very BIG BUT, there’s a good chance he doesn’t want his personal life broadcast to the world. I can relate to this 100% because I am not on any social media and I want to keep it that way. If I haven’t posted my life on the internet, I don’t want other people doing it for me. There’s a large population of people out there, men especially, that don’t see the appeal in Facebook or other social sites. Who we want to know about our personal lives, we’ve already told, personally.

Dear HSSS,

What’s considered the proper protocol these days for ending a dating relationship that hasn’t really become intimate?  Can we just sort of fade away or does there need to be an actual defining closure?                                                                                       –Lost Interest in San Ramon

He Said: Just because there’s no intimacy doesn’t mean that there aren’t emotions and feelings that developed along the way. And how long the relationship lasted is not a good barometer also. A lot of people fall for someone in a short amount of time and that becomes the sticky point. The main thing to consider is how will their emotions be affected by your actions? My thoughts are this: if you faded into the relationship then you can fade out. But if you started hot and heavy on the emotional side of things, then you owe it to the other person to provide definitive closure and not just turn into a ghost and disappear.

She Said: It sure is easier to fade away, and I’ve been guilty of that, but my higher self always feels better making the call. It doesn’t have to be long and drawn out. Something like, “Hey thanks for meeting me, I don’t have a lot of time, but I just wanted to let you know that I’m moving on and feel the need to end our relationship.”  Have a place you need to get to, so that the Q/A portion doesn’t go on uncomfortably long. Note: long-term relationships deserve way more closure time than this.

Robin Fahr is a communications specialist and host of Conversations seen daily on Tri-Valley TV, Channel 30 and online at trivalleytv.org. Shawn and Robin also host He Said/She Said on TheTalkPod.com.  Send your questions to AskHeSaidSheSaid.com.