He Said/She Said with Robin and Shawn

Dear HSSS,

I’m dreading the summer. As much as I enjoy not having to adhere to a strict schedule, my kids have more time to fight with each other, which drives me nuts! How do people deal with sibling rivalry?
JL, Livermore

He Said: A healthy dose of sibling rivalry is never a bad thing…emphasis on HEALTHY. At least your kids are interacting and feeding off each other’s energy. Now it’s your job to keep them busy so they’re too exhausted to sit around the house and fight. Make sure you get them off their butts and away from their video games/computers and out doing real activities. Parenting is a non-stop job made even harder during the summer when you have to be activities coordinator in addition to parent. Maybe after a summer of dealing with your kids every day, you won’t forget to give those teachers a big hug and thank them for what they do seven hours a day, nine months a year!

She Said: If you haven’t had kids, you have no idea how unpleasant the sound of fighting children. I took a Siblings Without Rivalry course when I was pregnant with my second, and the biggest takeaway was not to justify your parenting of one child to the other. So when Johnny says, “Why do I have to go to bed, when Lindsay doesn’t,” your answer is, “As your mother, I know what’s best for you, and you’re tired, so it’s time for you to sleep.” Once you bring Lindsay into it, as in, “Well Lindsay’s older than you are,” or “Lindsay already napped today,” you turn it into a sibling matter rather than parenting each child as needed. But just in case: peanut butter is the best way to remove a wad of gum from the hair… could be a long summer!
Dear SSHS,

We’re a blended family with different rules when it comes to mealtimes. Should kids be required to clean their plates? And how much should we cater to picky eaters?
Not a Restaurant, Danville
She Said: But what about the starving children in third world countries? Never understood that one myself, but I do think that force-feeding creates unnecessary eating issues. More importantly, there needs to be a united front on rules at mealtimes. Discuss with your spouse why you think things should be a certain way, and then come to some agreement so the children see the parents working together. You may have to compromise. No, do not make special meals for picky eaters. Registered dietitian Jill West, author of 400 MOMS, says simply, “It’s what’s for dinner.” End of story. She suggests everyone try at least one bite, and when it comes to veggies, she says, “Would you like broccoli or green beans?” When the child says neither, the parent says, “Ok, then I’ll choose.” That generally works.

He Said: If you’re asking should kids clean their plates after dinner, then yes. They should at least empty the scraps into the trash and rinse their plates. If you’re asking should kids be made to eat all the food on their plates, the answer is “yes” if THEY filled their plate, and “no” if you did. Allow them to serve themselves, offering plenty of healthy choices. In a blended family, absolutely NO ONE should have special privileges and be treated differently at dinnertime, and picky eaters are only picky if you let them be, so don’t let them be.
Robin Fahr and Shawn Alikian host Conversations and He Said/She Said seen daily on Tri-Valley TV, Channel 30. Send your questions to AskHeSaidSheSaid.com.