He Said/She Said with Robin and Shawn

Dear SSHS,
My best friend is getting married soon and has asked me to be her maid of honor. The problem is I really don’t like the guy she’s marrying; I think he treats her poorly. Is there anything I can do at this late date to help her realize she’s making the mistake of a lifetime? ~Not Sold in Sunol

She Said: Well, you could refuse to be her MOH on the grounds you can’t support the marriage, but I can almost guarantee you’ll lose a friend, which is a pretty high price to pay for being right. Frankly, you should have expressed your concerns within the first few months of their courtship, because it’s too late now…unless she asks. If she does, be tactfully honest but let her know if she decides to go through with it, she has your undying support. That’s the role of the BFF and the MOH.

He Said: Like Robin said, you had your chance early on in the relationship and it sounds like you blew it. If this guy really does treat her poorly, then she’s going to need your support even more now. Voicing your displeasure with the hubby-to-be at this point will only drive a wedge between the two of you. I say go through with it, and make sure you step up your game even more as her BFF by continuing to support her when she does hit those rough patches in her marriage.
Dear HSSS,
The guy I’m dating is a “neat freak”. He insists on everything being a certain way in his house, and I’m just way more laid back than he is; otherwise we have great chemistry. I’m afraid if I tell him this is a deal breaker, he’ll flip out. What do you think I should do? ~Kinda Sloppy in Pleasanton

He Said: You’re definitely in the minority of women on this one. And finding any type of chemistry, let alone great chemistry, is tough to come by. If everything else is great between you two, then I say get over it and focus on his better qualities. But if it really could be a deal breaker, then now is the time for a conversation about it. Bring it to his attention that his “neat freak” habits bother you, and if you both can’t compromise and meet in the middle, then you probably have bigger problems, and it’s time to move on.

She Said: May I have his phone number? Just kidding, but neat is a turn-on to some of us. As I see it, you get five non-negotiables in a relationship. They may include honesty, loyalty, compassion, communication, good social skills, intelligence, etc. Are you willing to use up one of your tickets on his being too neat? Now, if he’s controlling, that’s something else, and that could be a deal-breaker, but create your top five, and if he possesses those, try and overlook his persnickety-ness.

Robin Fahr is a public relations specialist and co-host with Shawn Shizzo on Conversations and He Said/She Said seen daily on Tri-Valley TV, Channel 30. Send your questions to www.AskHeSaidSheSaid.com.