Dear SSHS,
My daughter, who’s been living with her boyfriend for two years, has just announced their engagement. They are both in their upper 20s, been on their own since graduating college, and both make a very nice living. What are the new rules on who should pay for the wedding?
–Penny, Dublin
She Said:
The tradition of the parents of the bride footing the entire bill for the wedding is outdated and unnecessary. Women rarely go directly from their parents’ home to their husband’s home these days, so the idea that her parents should pay for everything because the man needs to support her once they’re married, is archaic. I recommend the parties from both sides sit down to discuss a reasonable budget for the affair, and then determine what sort of contribution everyone, including the couple, is able to make.
He Said:
I’ve never been a fan of outrageous weddings, but I know a lot of women have waited for the ‘big day’ their whole lives. While the ladies should be able to have their cake and eat it too, most guys don’t wait their whole lives for this one day. Plan to splurge on the necessities like great food, open bar, a seasoned photographer and a band or DJ that will bring the house down, and cut costs on areas that no one will be talking about the next day. I mention this first, because only after you plan to spend money wisely will it be easier to get the groom and/or his family to share the cost.
Dear HSSS,
I’m a junior in high school and am not sure I want to go to college. I’m good with my hands and think I’d be happier in life doing some kind of trade, but my mom says I need a college degree to get ahead in life. How can I convince her there are other alternatives?
–Junior, Sunol
He Said:
Sounds like you think you’re too cool for school. Well, Junior, let me assure you that you’re not. Keep an open mind and instead of trying to convince your mother that you don’t need to go to college, ask her to convince you why you should and I’m sure she’ll easily come up with a dozen reasons. College is so much more than just books and classrooms. You’ll make great friends, have a lot of fun, and experience a whole lot more than someone who doesn’t go to college. And while you don’t always need a college degree to be successful, the education and life experience you get is priceless.
She Said:
Your mom just wants what’s best for you, and the idea of her son not getting a college degree scares her. So what you need to do is a little more research. Think about what you’d like to do with your life, then look into the education that will be required to achieve that goal. You’re probably going to need to go to some sort of trade school, so show her what that would look like in terms of time, cost, location, and what you can expect to earn once you’re certified. If mom can see you have a plan, she will feel a lot better about your alternative to college.
Robin Fahr is a public relations specialist and co-host with Shawn Shizzo on Conversations and He Said/She Said seen daily on Tri-Valley TV, Channel 30 and online at www.trivalleytv.org. Send your questions to www.AskHeSaidSheSaid.com.
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