Wisdom and life lessons are often delivered to us in unexpected ways…via various messengers. And, sometimes we feel sideswiped by a life lesson. Can you relate? I sure can.
During other times in our lives, we may receive messages that are delivered in the form of “gentle nudges.” The question is…do you stop and listen to life’s subtle messages and gentle nudges? Or, are you like many of us who frantically try to keep up with the crazy “outer demands” of life—while ignoring many of our “inner demands?”
Earlier this year I received a referral from a local medical doctor. His referral, Jan, was a thirty-five year old woman struggling with stress-related muscle tension (resulting in body aches) and emotional eating (resulting in excess weight).
During our initial sessions, it became apparent that Jan had a passive behavioral style. This soft-spoken woman smiled a lot although I sensed sadness behind her pale blue eyes. Growing up, Jan was the youngest child with a brother who often bullied her. She shared that even though she’s an adult now, she still feels overwhelmed by people who have aggressive personality styles. My heart went out to her. When I teach Assertiveness Training to clients I describe passivity in the following way:
Passive behavior focuses on others’ desires and needs, rather than one’s own desires and needs. “People Pleasers” who engage in passive behavior often find that their passivity can eventually lead to resentments due to unmet needs. People who behave passively often suppress their emotions. Emotional suppression can lead to anxiety, depression, as well as somatic (body) symptoms.
Now, back to Jan. After a few sessions, Jan received an opportunity to acquire wisdom from a “gentle nudge” in her life…in the form of a dream. Knowing that dreams often provide rich insights into what’s percolating in the unconscious, Jan brought the highlights of her dream to our next hypnotherapy session. Here’s how she described the dream:
I was meeting with a nutritionist. [Jan had actually worked with this professional a few months prior to this dream.] I felt happy that I was taking care of myself by getting input and developing a healthy food plan. The meeting was going great. Strangely though, I soon realized that my dog Winston was with me in the nutritionist’s office. [Winston, Jan’s dog, had passed away ten years ago.] In my dream, Winston wasn’t leashed, and he kept hijacking my attention by bolting out of the open office door. Each time Winston bolted and ran down the hall, he aggressively attacked a shy dog that belonged to one of the practitioners. I felt embarrassed trying to contain and reel-in my “out of control” dog—while in the midst of my “self-care” appointment.
When she was ready, I invited Jan to recline on my office couch so that we could begin exploring this colorful dream. After Jan was in a relaxed state, she visited her “Special Place”: a lounge chair on a warm beach. She’d relaxed in this nurturing setting a couple of times before during our previous hypnotherapy sessions (and loved it).
Next, I asked Jan if she would be comfortable telling her dream from the point of view of another character. She chose Winston. I suggested that she envision Winston joining her. A few moments later, Jan said that Winston was with her. I asked if she would be willing to give Winston a voice and to let him tell the dream from “first person.” I told Jan that I’d ask “Winston” some questions from time to time [my interactions are shown in brackets]. She was open to the process. Here’s Winston’s version of the dream:
Jan is meeting with some lady. After a few minutes, I let Jan know that I’m here. [And who are you?] I’m Jan’s dog. [Would you describe yourself?] I’m fuzzy and cute on the outside—but angry on the inside. I’m high-energy, sometimes playful—but very frustrated right now. And, since the door is open, I run out of the office and pick a fight with a “wimpy dog” that’s down the hall. Jan looks appalled and tries desperately to contain me. She is unsuccessful. I win!
[I acknowledge hearing Winston’s satisfaction and then ask him what his intention is.] My intention is to wake Jan up. Frankly, I’m pissed. She’s too nice, always trying to please everyone. It drives me crazy! I’m expressive and free—she’s not. I have “teeth”—she doesn’t.
[What are you afraid of?] I’m afraid that Jan will continue to ignore me. If I have to, I’ll get louder—otherwise Jan will keep getting hurt by others! [I thank Winston for showing up as a messenger and tell him that I think he is offering important information. Then I ask him, if you could make a request of Jan, what would it be?] I’m just trying to protect Jan. And, I’d ask that she pay more attention to me. Let the energies that I carry, come out to play and be expressed more often. I think Jan would be happier if I were allowed to come out more. Plus, I could let some of the bullies in her life today know that she has teeth.
Can you see how Jan’s dream is FILLED with vitally important information that mirrors the various power struggles that are clamoring within her? My subsequent sessions with Jan consisted of her exploring and integrating various characters in her dream—including her “inner nutritionist” and the “shy dog” down the hall. Then, Jan blossomed during the Assertiveness Training that I offered her. As a result of all her rich work, Jan’s stress levels (and body aches) decreased dramatically. Shortly thereafter, her unhealthy eating habits began to transform…along with the shape of her body.
In closing, you might ask yourself if there is an area in your life that is currently being held hostage by passivity? If so, call me. Together, we can explore ways…for you to enjoy more “inner and outer” balance in your life.
(Name and client details changed to protect confidentiality)
Trina Swerdlow, BFA, CCHT, is a certified clinical hypnotherapist, an artist, and the author of the 2-CD Set, Weight Loss: Powerful & Easy-to-Use Tools for Releasing Excess Weight. She is also the author of Stress Reduction Journal: Meditate and Journal Your Way to Better Health. Her CDs and her book are available from John Muir Women’s Health Center online store: www.womenshealthcenterstore.com/books1.html.
Trina has a private practice in downtown Danville. You can reach her at: (925) 285.5759, or info@TrinaSwerdlow.com. To receive her free newsletter, “Trina’s Transformational Tips for Mindful Living,” sign-up at her site: www.TrinaSwerdlow.com (Certified Clinical Hypnotherapy services in California can be alternative or complementary to licensed healing arts, such as psychotherapy.)
Photo by Susan Wood, www.SusanWoodPhotography.com
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