Change is not a welcome guest in many of our homes. In fact, when change comes a-knock-in’, some of us lock the door and hide under the bed. Meanwhile, the longer we try to resist change—the louder the knocking becomes. Sound familiar?
Whether we like it or not, our lives are always changing. Let’s face it, as long as we’re still breathing, we’re a “work in progress.” So the truth is, we humans are continually changing on numerous levels that include mind, body, and spirit. This may sound simple and straightforward, but the tricky part is keeping up with our own transformational process (without taking refuge under our beds).
Since stress management is often a goal of my clients, the topic of “transitions and change” comes up a lot in my private practice. In fact, I see people at a variety of ages and stages in their lives. Some clients are in the midst of change in their professional lives. For example, they are changing jobs, exploring new career paths, or retiring.
I also work with clients who are in the midst of change in their personal lives. They may be transitioning to a single lifestyle after a divorce, or after the death of a spouse, or after their children go away to college and leave behind…an empty nest. Clearly, transitions come in all colors, sizes, and textures. Can you relate?
Meanwhile, if we look closely at the various transitions each of us faces in a lifetime, we’ll see a common thread: that feeling of disorientation and resistance to the change at hand. “What will happen next?” and “Will I be okay?” can be common questions swirling in our minds when we’re in the midst of a life change. Unfortunately, these turbulent energies are a vital part of the change process.
When my clients are in the throes of change, I clarify that uncertainty, confusion, and disorientation are natural feelings during these times. For example, after one of my clients, Karla, was laid off from her job, she initially felt angry. As a result, she tossed and turned at night, unable to sleep, as her mind tried to process her underlying feelings of shock, confusion, and sadness.
I explained to Karla that change is a process. In the interim stage of transition—the period between two events—it’s natural to feel a variety of emotions, including heightened vulnerability and increased anxiety. The truth is, this interim stage can be the hardest part of change. We have left the known and familiar—but we haven’t reached our destinations yet. Thus, our lives and IDENTITIES are in limbo.
For a couple of months, I worked with Karla regarding her grief process and her fear of expressing her vulnerability to her family and close friends. Being the eldest of five girls, Karla had always seen herself as “the strong one” and admitted to feeling ashamed of her current “shaky” emotional state.
During our work, Karla courageously released some of her emotional “armor” and integrated her vulnerability into her sense of self. As a result, she felt closer to her loved ones and experienced deeper emotional connections. And, with her new sense of internal balance, she landed a job that was more fulfilling than the job she’d lost.
Nevertheless, no matter how we frame it, a major life transition can feel scary. After all, who likes to be in the midst of uncertainty? I know I sure don’t. However, transitional times often encourage us to move beyond who we think we are—enabling us to own and integrate more parts of ourselves.
So, the next time change comes a-knock-in’, let’s consider opening the door and offering it a comforting embrace. By doing so, we’ll expand our depth with the addition of each new part of our selves that we s-t-r-e-t-c-h into. Then, as we continue to move forward, we’ll nourish our ever-changing lives…with courage and compassion.
Name and client details changed to protect confidentiality
Join Trina and attend her Walnut Creek workshop for women and men: Managing Emotional and Compulsive Eating—John Muir Women’s Health Center: Monday, February 11, 6:30-8:30 pm. Cost: $40. Seats are limited—register today: (925) 941-7900 option 3. For more info, go to www.TrinaSwerdlow.com & click on “Private Sessions & Workshops.”
Trina Swerdlow, BFA, CCHT, is a Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist, an artist, and the author and illustrator of Stress Reduction Journal. She currently has a private practice in downtown Danville. You can reach her at: (925) 285.5759, or info@TrinaSwerdlow.com.
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Certified Clinical Hypnotherapy services in California can be alternative or complementary to licensed healing arts, such as psychotherapy.
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