I’ve been around the block enough to know, I’m not going to lose weight, workout more, manage my spending, drink less, learn a foreign language, travel to exotic places, volunteer in the community, or spend more time beautifying my yard, just because I stated these goals and objective as “resolutions” to begin the New Year. That’s way too much pressure to put on myself. I’d rather start a new year off with a clear mind, full heart, and clean pallet, in hopes that good things fall my way. Who was it that said, “Hope is not a strategy?” The truth is, New Year’s Resolutions are just too stressful.
“I never freaking get my New Year’s Resolutions done and then I feel worse.” Blake C.
A New Year’s resolution is a tradition, most common in the Western Hemisphere but also found in the Eastern Hemisphere, in which a person resolves to change an undesired trait or behavior, to accomplish a personal goal or otherwise improve their life. It is believed that the Babylonians originated the practice of making promises to their gods at the start of each year that whey would return borrowed objects and repay their debts. Those Babylonians were full of great ideas and it actually does remind me to return that case of White Claw Hard Seltzer that I borrowed from my neighbor’s outdoor refrigerator, even though they probably don’t even know its missing or who took it. Additionally, my debt to Mr. Visa keeps getting bigger and bigger so it’s probably time I send him a minimum payment sometime soon.
“Isn’t it customary formost New Year’s Resolutions to be broken by Super Bowl Sunday, especially anything having to do with drinking?” Zack H.
Popular sociologist, Ekim Dnalepoc, has publically stated that most New Year’s Resolutions are in fact usually self-defeating prophecies. “By coming up with more than an abundance of hard to achieve resolutions, can oftentimes lead to feelings of failure and depression.” Starting a new year should be a happy time full of optimistic possibilities. Why set a bunch of goals and objectives that will make us feel like failures when we fail to accomplish them? Dnalepoc adds, “Create a resolution list you can actually complete with little to no effort, such as; 1. Stop eating worms, 2. Don’t go to the mailbox on Sundays and holidays, 3. Watch less than 22 hours of television in a 24 hour period. 4. Brush teeth twice a day, 5. Breath air.” Most people could accomplish several of these resolutions and start the year off on a positive note.
“My New Year’s Resolutions are typically forgotten by January 2nd.” James M.
In my informal, unofficial, half-baked survey, it appears as though most of the people I interviewed typically grind out their New Year’s Resolutions in a hung-over state on New Year’s Day. Several people I talked with said it’s not uncommon to forget where they put their resolutions, if they kept the documented list at all. I was still mostly drunk one New Year’s day and couldn’t ever read my handwriting once I sobered up so I yelled, to no one in particular, “Just forget it!” I liked when my kids were little and encouraged me to write my resolutions out in crayon. Crayon just makes everything feel happy and cheerful even when the first resolution was “Quit eating like a pig.”
“I never write out my resolutions. I keep them in my head. Just ask me and I’ll tell you what I resolved to accomplish in 2003.” Dave J.
I think “Big Year’s,” such as 1976, 1999, 2000 (Y2K) or the upcoming 2020 create a self-imposed BIG Resolution type of atmosphere or expectations. Our resolutions for these years become more substantive and life changing. Many people feel an extra layer of pressure to achieve something monumental in a notable year, such as running a marathon, running for public office or getting the old Ford Pinto, sitting on blocks on your front lawn, running again. Running is apparently a popular theme as we venture forth into a significant time period. I would probably run myself into the ground if I tried to take on a bigger list of resolutions.
“I hate running. I don’t even like walking that much. I’ve never going to make running part of my resolutions.” Jon C.
When we were children, resolutions were the first goal setting experience most of us encountered. However, if your parents helped you create your New Year’s Resolutions, you might look back on that as a diabolical ploy to make their lives easier. If your parents collaboratively urged you to include resolutions such as, work harder in school, keep your room clean, help around the house, don’t fight with my brothers and sisters, listen to my parents, they were essentially laying out a list of objectives to make you a more productive member of the family team. Who could blame them? Kids are hard enough to raise so why not look for a little subtle help when you can find it.
“I don’t make resolutions, but I help my kids to make resolutions. The first resolution is usually, Listen to Dad and obey Dad. Treat Dad like the King of the castle.” Matt C.
That thing they call the Internet, which may or may not take off this year, has too many links to mention when it comes to New Year’s resolutions. If you are going to succumb to the resolution pressure, here are the top 10 resolutions, according to some unnamed source, and my sophomoric commentary.
- Diet or eat healthier (I presume that means after the 4th of July picnic?)
- Exercise more (I’m all about those bocce, bowling and pickle ball leagues)
- Lose Weight (Like it’s that easy. Why not say win the lottery too while you’re at it)
- Save more and spend less (my dyslexia always thought that said Spend more and Save less, oops!)
- Learn a new skill or hobby (Is anyone willing to give me free voice lessons so I can sing better?)
- Quit smoking (Please, if you smoke or vape, quit! I’m not saying it’s easy, but smoking/vaping is awful)
- Read more (Read more what? Comics, obituaries, Harlequin romance novels or just ALIVE Magazine?)
- Find another job (Sign me up. How can I make more with less responsibility?)
- Drink less alcohol (As if. Maybe I could give up the Mad Men Martini Lunches?)
- Spend more time with family and friends (this one make sense since YOLO and we work to live not live to work)
Researchers say about sixty percent of Americans make New Year’s resolutions, but only about 8 percent of us are successful in achieving them. I’m definitely in the 92% category of not achieving them if I make them at all. We all want to start a new year out on the right foot so let’s not put the stress of resolutions on ourselves this year. Alternatively, if we do feel the need to create NYR’s, can we agree to limit it to just one or two items so we don’t get overwhelmed or feel like a failure if we get sidetracked or distracted dealing with this thing called life?
Already the New Year, 2020, sounds happier.
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