Growing up, I can only recall one or two households that had nothing but girls. The traditional family of the 1960’s had one boy, one girl and a dog. If there was a third child or in very few cases four or five, the boys usually outnumbered the girls. I don’t have any actual census statistics to substantiate my claim, however until about the mid -1980’s, boys just seemed to be the more dominate sex (numbers wise).
Maybe it was the emerging popularity of hair care products for men, or the television shows we watched in college (Dallas, Falcon Crest and Knots Landing) or perhaps the feminine “Crocket and Tubbs” pastel fashion styles of that time period, but something began a shift in the Y chromosome gene dynamic. The male population has begun to diminish as evidenced by the number of men I know personally who are the fathers of only daughters (34 were contacted for this magazine piece).
“Having only girls in the house means you have to listen, learn, hug, hold and love like crazy. I also change a lot of toilet paper rolls.” Jeff M., four daughters.
“With a houseful of women, you never know what you might find hanging in the bathroom”. Ben S., three daughters.
“You have to be prepared to always knock and wait for an “enter” response before approaching any closed bedroom or bathroom door.” Vic A., one daughter.
It’s not like adolescent boys sit around the tree house picking out names for their not yet born children, maybe once in an Orange Crush and Skittles haze, but it wasn’t unconscionable to think that one day we would all have sons. Someone we could take fishing where we would pass along life lessons. Then the moment passed and we were back to talking about baseball cards, comic books or farts. Boys aren’t especially deep in those developmental years.
“I don’t miss having a son because my daughter fills that role perfectly (with a few obvious differences). From an early age, it was apparent that she would have a love of sports, especially baseball. Some of my happiest moments have been while playing a game of catch or sharing the experience of watching a ballgame with her. Experiencing a wonderful father/child bond through the love of the game of baseball is really special. As my wife is fond of saying, “She’s the son you never had”.” Chris F., one daughter.
“It warms my heart when we’re watching a Giants game and one of my girls says something like, “Bochy should send Posey on the next pitch”. Dan M., three daughters.
“My girls do every outdoor activity a son would do including hiking, wakeboarding, snow skiing and competitive sports. They are amazing.” Jeff M., four daughters
A few years out of college, when I began interviewing candidates for the position of Mrs. Michael Steven Copeland, I began thinking about the prospect of being a parent. The notion of being the father to a strapping lad was intriguing. He would be a natural athlete who I could throw the ball with in the yard, a fine young man who I would teach to tie a tie or just a “mini me” to take over lawn mowing duties. At the very least, I was hoping to sire an heir to carry on the family name. Being the last remaining male Copeland, I now hope that one of my girls will consider hyphenating their last name.
“I love when my daughters ask me to cuddle and tell me that I’m their best friend. Then they change the channel.” John K., two daughters.
“Daughters are more likely to take care of you when you’re old and senile.” Rob T., two daughters.
“My daughter thinks I can do absolutely anything, except braid her hair.” Jim L., one daughter.
How I ended up with two daughters is beyond me. Yes, there are those conspiracy theorists who believe that the bigger the “hound dog” a man was in his PDY (prime dating years) the more likely he’ll be to be blessed with girls. That’s God’s sense of humor. He’s paying us back for our carefree ways and indiscretions. The irony is, given our unconditional love and desire to protect our baby girls at all costs, we have morphed into a generation of uber-involved, ultra aware, crazy-connected Dads. I pity the poor boys visiting our homes to court our daughters. They’ll likely begin sweating once they walk through the door and notice our unflinching glare during the introductions. Their bodies will shiver with insecurity during the intense pre-date interrogation. Ultimately, they will fear for their lives once they hear the “If you touch or hurt my daughter you will die” have-a-good-time farewell. As the saying goes, “fathers of sons worry about one boy. Fathers of daughters worry about all the boys.”
“Being a single father, there was a big learning curve when it came to clothes, make-up and feminine hygiene products. I’m very thankful my mom was around to help.” Kevin P., one daughter.
She may go more to her mother on emotional issues, but I’m her go-to guy when it comes to needing something fixed. I’m her in-house help desk for all things computer and electronics.” John J., one daughter.
One challenge of being the only man in the house is that we are often expected to take on the role of mediator, arbitrator, magistrate, adjudicator, judge and jury between feuding girls and often between feuding mother and daughter. This is a “no win” position to be in. Be impartial, but if all else fails, support the mom.
“It’s tough being the “good guy” and at the same time supporting your wife unconditionally because she’s already the “bad guy”. Mark T., two daughters
“You have to be prepared to referee inevitable fights about borrowing clothes, make-up and jewelry. It gets worse when they borrow mom’s stuff.” Scott E., twin daughters.
“Save the Drama for your Mama,” is also a favorite saying at my house. Girls are predisposed for drama given their roller coaster of emotions and over active tear ducts. There’s friend drama, sister drama, school drama, sports team drama, there’s texting and Instagram drama and then there’s actual Drama Club drama. I’m now experiencing the boy drama sessions. My canned response is, “boys are bad except your Dad.” Where boys are full of testosterone, energy and, once teenagers, raging hormones, girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice mixed with a little female crazy. The best that we, as fathers, can do is to be a non-judgmental sounding board. More often than not, our daughters just want us to listen.
“I have found when one of my daughters makes a statement about a subject, which sounds like a request to step in and help her solve the problem, what they really want is for me to just listen and not respond or offer advice. This is difficult to do. I’ve learned that they also don’t want an unsolicited opinion because that is perceived as not believing they can solve the problem themselves. When they do ask for my input it is usually well received.” Dan M., three daughters.
“I choke-up whenever I listen to My Little Girl by Tim McGraw or Daughters by John Mayer. They grow up so fast and we do our best to love them and keep them safe.” Jeff L., three daughters.
Some dads think they’ll miss the father/son athletic component of parenting, but let me tell you we live in an area where the quality of girl athletes is astounding. The Tri-Valley produces some of the country’s best female soccer, lacrosse and swimming college prospects and I’ve known dads that were just as excited about seeing their daughter’s compete in chorus, band and cheerleading. In an early article, I wrote that kids spell love T-I-M-E. Never underestimate a daughter’s need for her father’s attention, approval and involvement. I’ve brushed a lot of Barbie hair, spent considerable time shopping at malls across the country and seen more than my share of Disney/Pixar and Dream Works movies all in the name of father/daughter togetherness.
“With girls, going to the mall can be a religious experience with a heavy emphasis on donations?” Jon F., two daughters.
“I had to learn three separate dance routines so that I could be each girl’s dance partner at a recital in front of 2,000 people at the Herbst Theatre.” Barry C., three daughters.
“The only negative to having only daughters is not being able to get enough TV sports time without catching grief. That and having to experience the cult following of the American Girl doll store at Christmas time.” Brian J., three daughters.
At the end of a long, hard day, there is nothing more heartwarming, more smile generating or more worthy of unconditional love than a daddy’s little girl. From the minute the doctor placed Hannah, my sweet and innocent first born in my arms, I knew that I would move heaven and earth to love and protect her forever. Then she pooped and started crying for her mother. The feeling was every bit as emotionally overwhelming when my second swaddled bundle of joy, Claire, arrived. Then she spit up on my shoulder, a substance that looked vaguely similar to what her sister pooped, and she cried for her mother. Once the bowel moving, vomit inducing introductions were complete and they were fed, I began what can only be described as a miraculous journey built on love, trust, humor, compassion, admiration and pride that has forged an unbreakable bond. I am the father of (only) daughters.
“There is nothing more touching than when I secretly get to watch her looking at the Adoption Day Album.” Jim L., one daughter.
“I have saved every handmade Father’s Day card my adult daughters ever made me growing up.” Scott E., twin daughters.
“My heart melts when my daughter and her daughter kiss me good-bye and tell me they love me (as both Dad and Lolo – Grandfather).” Mark T., two daughters
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