Much like Elvis, Prince, Madonna, Cher, Beyonce, and Liberace, Floyd’s singular name commands the same type of respect and attention from the music world. Loved and admired by fans, critics and his rock peers, Floyd of Floyd’s Ordeal, has been off the radar for the last several years. Rumors of a retirement, illness or mental breakdown had all surfaced on conspiracy theory websites. Being the award winning investigative journalist I am, it was my goal to track down the reclusive rock n’ roll front man who changed my life forever.
It took me months of following every lead imaginable until I found the legendary cover band singer/bass player. I initially heard that he was working as a Mt.Everest Sherpa in Nepal, then a valet car-parking attendant at the Wynn Hotel in Las Vegas and one rumor even had him running with a pack of wolves, somewhere near Yosemite.
Much to my surprise he had actually assumed the role of a county manager for a “to remain nameless” title insurance company in San Jose. Candidly, I was disappointed to find Floyd living the M-F/9-5 suburban slow death existence. For a one-time buttless chaps, dreadlock extension-wearing front man of a classic rock, turned grunge rock, turned alt rock band, who ruled the Bay Area small club circuit from 1993 – 2008, I couldn’t imagine a more sad and depressing, cheesy Rotarian, profession given the wild lifestyle this rock god lived for roughly 15 years.
I caught up with the reclusive celebrity while he was trying to pass a kidney stone. It’s said a wild honey badger only rests when bitten by a cobra. Similarly, Floyd’s cobra is trying to pass a basketball size calcium deposit and that had him resting. He may have been in agony throughout our interview, but he certainly was insightful for someone so heavily medicated. When I arrived he was playing air-trombone and eating animal crackers. After I adjusted his pillows, we spent the next couple of hours catching up and making crank phone calls.
The son of a navy man, Floyd was born in Portsmouth, Vitginia, but traveled around a lot until he was discovered and offered a spot as a Disney Kid on the Mickey Mouse Club. Not talented enough to work the states, he was a crowd favorite at the Tokyo Disneyland. Like Justin Timberlake and Nick Lachey before him, he traded in his mouse ears for the acne scars of a boy band.
Floyd’s Boys, based in Orlando, Florida, did the typical tour of indoor malls until they broke up over the lack of bathroom etiquette on their tour bus. Floyd took this opportunity to get his high school GED and community college AA degree in Fashion Merchandising through a less than reputable online learning center. This is also when Floyd began performing as part of a popular acappella duo. His partner, Steve Harwell, who later joined the mildly successful and horribly cheesy alt-band, Smash Mouth, left Floyd high and dry when fame called. The popular duo, known as Floyd & Co., played the South Bay coffee house circuit in the mid to late 80s. “I carried Steve’s weak singing the best I could with occasional hand clap solos and sang leads whenever he went to the can. Our Tully’s world tour was very well received,” Floyd says. This senseless break-up did allow Floyd to form the band, Floyd’s Ordeal, however open auditions for bandmates lasted almost three years.
There have been many Floyd’s Ordeal line-ups over the years, but the one constant has always been Floyd himself. “They tried to replace me at one time, but I controlled 51% of the band’s voting power,“ says Floyd. He doesn’t really like to talk why he took this self-imposed sabbatical, but it apparently has something to do with the IRS and unreported income. He’s begged me a thousand times to ghost write his autobiography, but I’m afraid it would be too emotionally draining on me.
Floyd has been married to his much younger trophy wife Christie for over 26 years. Together they have two beautiful daughters (Karly and Libby). Like many traveling musicians and magicians, it’s hard to say how many half siblings the girls have out there on the road. Floyd struts around the family’s cramped 2-bedroom condo like he owns the place. They’re actually renting. The walls are outfitted with Floyd signed guitars and gold albums. Floyd’s Ordeal released several EPs(extended play) CDs over the years including Young Man (1995), Chucky’s Carp (1996), Spinning (1999), Interior/Exterior Music (2002) and the seven disc FO Greatest Hits/Anthology Box Set (2017). Collectively the band sold a total of 27 units which is just five more than the total number of books I’ve sold.
Most people think I’m bragging when I tell them Floyd was the best man in my wedding. He wanted to be the flower girl, but my wife said no. Floyd and I became friends at the height of his career while he was living on Easy Street. He actually lived on Easy Street in Mountain View.
When I said earlier that Floyd changed my life, he actually did when he gave this wanna-be writer a pen and allowed me to contribute a monthly column to the Floyd’s Ordeal fan club newsletter. This early training, dealing with unrealistic deadlines and countless re-writes under a sadistic editor, conditioned me to be the popular columnist I am today.
Very few people know that Floyd and I also collaborated on a song entitled, Love 4 Money from his debut EP. This probably explains why I wanted to name my first-born son, Floyd, but sadly I only had girls. I did pitch the names Floydena, Floyderella or Floydiana, but no luck.
When I asked Floyd about the highs and lows of stardom he gets a little misty-eyed when recounting his unhealthy obsession with Mike Peters of The Alarm. “Imagine listening to your favorite band all through college and then years later getting the chance to not only open for them, but become besties with your hero.” Floyd’s Ordeal opened for The Alarm four times during shows in the Bay Area and Floyd stalked Peters all the way back to Wales where he was asked to perform with him at The Gathering, an annual concert put on by the band for their huge fan base (a couple of dozen equally obsessed Alarm-heads). For those wondering, the low point was playing a nearly empty biker bar for tips and watching his drummer go home with a girl who wasn’t necessarily born a girl. No judgment.
Floyd and I have always had a relationship based on mutual respect and out of control good natured ribbing. He’s the musician I always wanted to be and I’m the writer he never wanted to be. We have a lot more in common than most people think, but because of our busy schedules it’s difficult to find time to just hang out.
He is still performing, mostly with his youngest daughter, as an acoustic duo playing at churches, farmer’s markets and house shows. Floyd may look like an emaciated French performance artist, but he is actually an active ice hockey player and surfer. He also dabbles in photography, home renovations and car repair. He is truly a man of many skills and boundless energy. I hope one day everyone reading this article will get a chance to meet the man, the myth… the legend who is FLOYD.
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