With Halloween on the October calendar, it conjures up the image of cute little kids dressed as scary ghouls, ghosts and goblins. By and large, I’m not easily scared. I have, in fact, even been considered brave when it comes to killing big nasty spiders or climbing on the roof of my house to retrieve a Frisbee. So while no one has ever dared refer to me as a “fraidycat”, I am unnerved by a few things in our world that likely put a little fear in most everyone.
The Devil Scares Me
When I was young, I almost never wet my bed thinking the Boogeyman was in my room, yet when I saw The Exorcist I couldn’t sleep for weeks. I’m no more or less religious than the next guy, but the idea of the Devil existing amongst us mortals here on earth makes me quiver. In theology, the Devil is described as the personal supreme spirit of evil and unrighteousness. Whether referred to as Lucifer, Satan or Beelzebub, the Devil seems to have a stronger presence around Halloween than say, Groundhog’s Day. Preferring good over evil, I’m all for boycotting the Devil this spooky season as he undoubtedly has something to do with the bad economy.
Scary Movies Scare Me
Beginning with the afore-mentioned Exorcist, my history of weeping and shaking hysterically while curled up in the fetal position under my theatre seat is long and slightly embarrassing. Why did I subject myself to Nightmare on Elm Street, Friday the 13th, Carrie, The Omen, The Sixth Sense, Scream, The Blair Witch Project, The Ring, Halloween and The Devil Wears Prada? Only my therapist knows for sure. The movie studios have made hundreds of millions of dollars off people like me. More recently, the movie trailers for The Last Exorcism and Devil make my head spin 360 degrees and cause me to vomit something resembling Progresso’s split pea and ham soup all over the coach. I should really stick to movies made by Disney, Pixar and Adult Line Cinema.
Big Snakes Scare Me
While I’m fascinated by the Animal Planet’s specials on Anacondas, Boa Constrictors and Pythons, the thought of wrestling one of those constricting slithering reptiles is enough to make me lose my breath. Remember how Kaa the snake tried to manipulate Mowgli for Shere Khan in the Disney animated adaptation of The Jungle Book? Note to self, strike Disney movies. It’s really no surprise that snakes also have a connection to the Devil. Raise your hand if you knew the serpent in the Garden of Eden became a willing conspirator with Satan in deceiving Eve? Need I say more? I didn’t think so.
Biker Gangs Scare Me
I’m totally into the FX series, Sons of Anarchy, about a fictitious biker gang based in a fictitious Northern California town. The biker characters are tough and mean and do things that could be perceived as slightly illegal (gun running, extortion and arson) however, the father and step-son running “SAMCRO”, appear to have heart, compassion and a moral compass, albeit slightly off course. Real bikers might not be as remorseful after then pummel a potential witness with a tire iron or drag a rival down a gravel path tied to the back of their hog. Biker gangs are especially scary if they have evil names such as Devil Dogs or Satan’s Warriors. However, if I was in prison or facing off against some other angry social networking group from the streets, I’m relatively certain I would be grateful to have the assistance of a biker gang. But, for now, I’m just going to keep my distance from the Danville chapter of the Hell’s Angels.
Sixteen Year Old Kids Driving Scares Me
Sure I couldn’t wait to get my license at the age of sixteen, but if 50 is the new 40 then 16 is the new 6 and no six year old should be operating a moving vehicle. I think I was at the DMV at 12:01 am on July 29th in 1978, but the thought of my daughters maneuvering a 3,000 pound SUV through the city streets of the Tri Valley terrifies me. Sixteen seems far too darn young for that type of joyriding responsibility. I question whether or not teenagers should be allowed to operate Vespa scooters, motorized Razors or riding lawnmowers. A visit to the Department of Motor Vehicles has been described as a trip to hell which is reason enough to suggest they delay the legal license age to eighteen.
The Economy Scares Me
When are we going to see local and national companies see a pick up in business and begin hiring again? I have several out of work friends that are educated, motivated and right now aggravated. If you didn’t believe in former President Reagan’s trickle down theory before I bet you do now. Corporate revenues are so low that companies aren’t hiring or have asked employees to take pay cuts. If your disposable income has been reduced you aren’t going out to lunch or dinner as often. Restaurants are forced to reduce staff or close on slow days. Sadly, waitresses end up doing their own manicures and waxing. Conversely, spa employees are now forced to cut out their leisure and entertainment expenditures, such as tickets to the Ozzy Osbourne and Black Sabbath concert at Sleep Train Pavilion. Poor ticket sales forced The Blizzard of Oz to cancel his entire North American tour. Wait one “Prince of Darkness” minute, wasn’t Mr. Osbourne, accused of Devil worship in the 1970’s? All of a sudden, everything is becoming very clear to me.
If you add Raider fans, middle school boy/girl dances and a call to my computer company help desk as other things that scare me it would appear that the Devil has his fingers in a cornucopia of activities. It obviously doesn’t help matters much that we live at the base of Mt. Diablo (Devil Mountain). While it might be difficult to prohibit kids from dressing up as a New Jersey Devils hockey player or discourage local area cougars from adorning a naughty demon outfit at Menar’s annual Exotic/Erotic Ball, lets all pledge to admonish the Temptor, the Evil One or Apollyon from future neighborhood activities. Truth be told, the Devil is what scares me the most.