With Mindy Joshua-Matthews
Would it be overstating the obvious to say that Facebook is a modern day phenomenon? While most of us were doing “who- knows- what” in our college dorm rooms, Mark Zuckerberg and his buddies at Harvard developed a social networking internet sensation that would forever change the world. Facebook, simply put, is a mash-up of all things communication. From smoke signals and the telegraph to letter writing, email and instant messaging, Facebook is a revolutionary tool to connect people. The question is, do we want to connect with everyone? “Friending” someone is such a friendly thing to do, yet haven’t we all occasionally regretted “friending” someone who perhaps over utilizes this medium? Childhood friends are especially susceptible to this type of temptation.
To “friend” or accept a friend invitation from….. well friends, family, neighbors, the parents of your kids’ friends, fraternity/sorority brothers/sisters and attractive work associates is easy;, but is it always wise to accept a friend invitation from a second grade tether-ball partner we haven’t seen in thirty 30-40 years? I’m all for reaching out through cyberspace, but how far does that reach need to extend? This question may best be answered by the open line banter between two childhood friends now located on opposite ends of the state. Please allow me to introduce you to Mindy Joshua.
Mindy: I can’t believe Mike Copeland is a writer for a magazine. In school, I wasn’t ever truly convinced you could read or spell.
Mike: Nice! Mindy and I have known each other for roughly 44 years, ever since we sat in little chairs around a very small table on the first day of school in Mrs. Vander Veer’s kindergarten class at Edith Landels Elementary School in Mountain View. The year was 1967, when during an interactive lecture on the texture and contrast intricacies of finger painting, Mindy had an accident. Unless I’m mistaken, Mindy was still sweaty from a Double Dutch exhibition during recess and I was coming off a paste high after sneaking a taste at the urging of known paste dealer, Jimmy H. (Who knew that paste was considered a gateway drug?)
Mindy: It’s true. We have known each other that long. Can’t the number be abbreviated using creative license or something? Mike’s overactive imagination may have some of the details wrong. Mike’s place in my life was mostly right next to his best friend, Jeff M., the unrequited love of my childhood. I loved Jeff’s beautiful brown eyes, his thick jet black hair, his perfect jaw line and his stoic manliness. Even at six years old. I loved him, even if he never loved me. I loved him for never saying a word to me when I tinkled in my pants in Kindergarten. Come to think of it, Jeff never said anything to me, ever, but Mike did. Mike seemed so willing to be verbally smacked down. I honed the sharp knives of my wit on his naïve and totally unprepared-for-the-likes-of-me spirit and that was the start of our friendship.
Mike: Mindy was the smartest girl in our class, in every class K through 12. Mindy’s schoolyard hobby was to mentally terrorize the boys in class for their academic incompetence. Yet, her verbal approval of my contributions to a class could pump up my confidence like a five time Jeopardy champion., hHowever, whenever I displayed laziness in a subject, her cutting sarcastic wit would leave me feeling like a disgraced U.S. Congressman prone to inappropriate texting. Thank you for caring, Mindy.
Mindy: Mike was always there — in ….in virtually every class — and …. and naturally I took him for granted, like only a child can do. My recollection was that we were constantly sparring. Mike and I would verbally jab and punch while the object of my affection (Jeff M.) stood by, lifeless. Now, as an adult, I don’t take the dynamics of either relationship personally, but my connection with Mike was definitely more real. Jeff, however, still seems devoid of actual human emotion, much like a dull garden tool.
Mike: Let’s fast forward. I had a great time seeing and getting reacquainted with Mindy at our 20th high school reunion, so when she didn’t make (blew off) our 30 year high school reunion last fall, I was disappointed. When I heard that Mindy had run into our mutual friend Derek S. last September at the Mountain View Art and Wine Festival, a hometown cultural event we have all been attending for almost 40 years, I accessed Derek’s FB friend list and reached out to Mindy with a “friend invitation” hoping to reconnect with a LOG (Landels Original Gangster).
Mindy: Wrong! When I found myself missing the reunion and asking myself why, I started connecting to all the friends I could find on Facebook. I got Mike’s Facebook link through another mutual friend (Sharon D.) and it was I who reached out to him for a little on-line messaging banter. Apparently, he was so incredibly busy that day he apparently missed my FB friend request. Yes, sadly I admit that I did also extended a friend invitation to Jeff, who accepted but rarely (never) engaged. To no one’s surprise, least of all mine, he has since disbanded his Facebook profile.
Mike: Still with the Jeff, Jeff, Jeff! Get over him already. Regardless who started our Facebook interaction, Mindy is a cool FB buddy. After I perused her profile, checked out a few of her family photos we began communicating. If there’s a question I have about the past, I ping her and when she has time she pings me back. If we both happen to be free at the same time, we send condescending and sarcastic zingers back and forth, usually with some reference to our ancient history or old friends.
Over the last two years, I have gotten numerous friend invitations from childhood acquaintances and have accepted all of them. They are my FB friend until they do something that deems then “unfriend” worthy. If someone (Franz N. and Cheryl W.) documents where they are every second of the day with an annoying FB posting, “I’m at the proctologist’s office”…..unfriend. Newsflash…I don’t care where you area! I also get worked up over rambling extremist rants on politics, religion and parenting (Mark P., Terri W. and Maddy J., respectively). Share something interesting or relevant otherwise don’t post. I assume that if someone does come to the realization that they have become “unfriended“ by me then they can also figure out that it’s because of the nauseating or boorish nonsense they’ve been posting.
I’ve truly never stopped to consider that people can now check to see who’s been viewing their pages, not that my viewing could ever be considered stalker-ish (unless you’re Jennifer Lopez in which case my attorney says I must make a public apology).
Mindy: I checked out Mike’s life a little on FB and all looked pretty normal and decent, but then Mike always was pretty normal and decent. Not terribly fancy, just solid and reliable. Mike and I traded a few friend leads and he was right about Mark’s page. He is politically “out there.” I’m pretty sure he didn’t see me come and go from his page —he’s, he’s obviously too busy as working on the Ron Paul 2012 Presidential campaign committee. Like Mike, I deplore the Facebook friend that reports on every less-than-riveting event that is going on in her life and the lives of her attractive and polite children. I know they are attractive and polite because Stacy (real name not disclosed) posts every second of their adolescent development on her Facebook page. However, now that I’ve “friended” her and she knows I’m paying attention, I’m confident she’ll notice and be offended if I “unfriend” her. I’ve always liked her, but do I need her constant commentary clogging up my newsfeed? Is “unfriending” considered rude and well, unfriendly? What to do?
Mike: Facebook has opened the door for virtually anyone to track people down and reunions are a logical time to connect with childhood friends. I suppose, if you didn’t want to be found, you wouldn’t have a FB page. I’m relatively certain Ted Kaczynski never had one. It is scary to think that at our next high school reunion we’ll be nearing 60 years old and we’ll likely remember fewer and fewer of the people we went to school with thanks to old age and failing memories.
Mindy: Mike makes a good point – that is, if you don’t want to be found, then don’t have a FB page. Then again, you give up the ability to see if the prom queen got fat and shaves or the varsity quarterback has a multiple personality disorder. I prefer to know these things. I decided, while tossing over the friend versus unfriend dilemma, that neither is personal. FB is not meant to be; it’s just another way of communicating, something like “communication lite.” If you really want to connect, then do it the old-fashioned way, via email, phone or (gasp!) in person.
Both Mindy and I agree that Facebook is likely here to stay. While I have heard about “Facebook Addiction” and “FB Burnout,” most people we know appear to use the social network in moderation. Parents have an inherent responsibility to monitor their children’s usage of the site. We all want to ensure that the kiddies aren’t practicing some form of FB dark arts (a shameless Harry Potter reference). A recently released movie entitled Trust, soon to be available on Pay Per View or DVD rental, is a wake-up call to all parents on the harmful aspects of our children utilizing the internet as an often times anonymous form of communication. As for adults and friends from our childhood, I wonder how many elementary school friends have tried to friend Mark Zuckerberg, Eduardo Saverin, Dustin Moskovitz, Chris Hughes or the Winklevoss twins? Good luck with that!
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