I Have My First Boyfriend
Dear DR. WALLACE: I’m 16 years old and an only child, and recently I got my first boyfriend. I don’t really have any experience when dealing with boyfriends, relationships and so forth.
One day last week it was my birthday and my boyfriend got me a bottle of perfume as a birthday present. I don’t wear perfume, and don’t want to wear perfume at this time in my life. I acted like I enjoyed the gift, but I really didn’t want it too much. Do I need to tell him that I don’t like his gift, or should I just continue to thank him and move on to other topics of discussion? — A New Girlfriend, via email
A NEW GIRLFRIEND: I feel it’s fine that you did the polite thing and thanked him for his thoughtful gift. It was certainly nice of him to remember your birthday and to commemorate it with a gift. It was also nice that you showed appreciation for his efforts.
As for the perfume, you can “regift” it to someone else that you think might like it, preferably a female family member like an aunt or even your mother. You don’t want to hurt your boyfriend’s feelings over his thoughtful gesture.
In the future, when you have this boyfriend (or any other one!) It might be wise to drop a few hints about items you like or enjoy well in advance of your birthday or any significant anniversary.
WHAT’S THE POINT OF SCHOOL?
Dear DR. WALLACE: I’m a boy who is 15 years old and I feel like I’ve been going to school my whole life already! I feel that all I’ve done is take classes and listen to teachers who yammer on and on about subjects that won’t matter much to my life 10 years from now. I’d really like to get more life experience out of all this time I have to be in school.
I know from reading your previous articles that you worked for years in public education and were both an administrator and a varsity coach at different high schools. So, for you, it’s going to be no big shocker that I don’t like school and I don’t like the teachers who teach it! I’ll bet you met many kids in your time that felt like I do, and I don’t just mean the kids who constantly get into trouble for stealing, skipping school or using drugs.
What I am referring to are kids like me that don’t see the point of it all! So much useless information is reviewed over and over and over again. Sheesh!
After I graduate high school, I will probably just be on government assistance and unemployment programs because I don’t want to work at a fast-food place for minimum wage these days. Even though minimum wage is more than it used to be, it’s nowhere near enough money to live on properly. What’s the point of school if I’ll end up on unemployment benefits anyway? — Don’t See the Point of So Much School, via email
DON’T SEE THE POINT OF SO MUCH SCHOOL: School should help you learn to be a part of society and thrive. At this particular point, your life is in a transition from being a child to becoming a young adult. The good news is that the way you feel today will not be the exact way you feel in a year, in two, in three and so forth. The purpose of school is to promote learning, successful socialization and to find fields of interest that can potentially be interesting enough to seek a career path toward over time.
I have faith that your mind will grow and develop over time, young man. You’ll have many interesting opportunities and possibilities to consider as you grow older. You might be a candidate for a vocational school at some point so that you can learn skills that will make you a well-paid professional in a valuable service trade, for example.
My advice is to not project yourself and your life too far into the future, especially at age 15. Take your school time to think about subjects, interests or potential careers you feel you’d enjoy. If you end up finding and succeeding at a career you enjoy, your school years will then be viewed as a tremendous success. I trust the 21-year-old version of you will think much differently from the 15-year-old version who wrote this letter here.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com.
Dr. Robert Wallace graduated from Knox College with a bachelor of arts degree, from Northern Illinois University with a master’s degree in education and from Western Colorado University with a doctorate in Educational Philosophy.
He was a teacher at Hiawatha High School in Kirkland, Ill., Phoenix Union High School in Phoenix, Ariz., and La Quinta High School in Garden Grove, Calif. At all three schools he taught English and was the varsity basketball coach. He served as an assistant principal at Pacifica High School and principal at Garden Grove High School, both in southern California.
Wallace is a member of the National Education Association and the National Association of High School Administrators. He has served on the Board of Trustees at Knox College, the Orange County (Calif.) YMCA Board of Directors, The Galesburg (Ill.) Youth Athletic Association, and as a youth counselor at a psychiatric hospital in California.
The Stuttering Foundation of America selected him Print Journalist of the Year in 1997.
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