Coaching and watching organized kids’ games can be a paradox. Intellectually, almost everyone in the stands knows that nearly none of these kids will play professionally and very few will even make a high school team, especially in basketball or baseball. Yet, the intensity can match anything experienced at Oracle Arena, AT&T Park, or Yankee Stadium.
Fans, mostly parents, whoop and holler as if a Super Bowl Championship is on the line. Middle aged coaches pressure and manipulate officials, many of whom are adolescents. If you win you exult, if your team loses there is despair a plenty.
As a veteran youth sports coach I have some perspective. I was as intense as anyone when I coached my children, especially in baseball. Some teams with whom I was involved won championships and we took home gigantic trophies that seemed very important, almost vital, at the time. Because our teams were often winning, opposing parents and coaches would taunt and distract our 10-year-old pitchers to help their teams and, following the lead of those parents, the games were rudely reviewed by children on the school yard the next day.
If I had a good team that lost a midseason game I would get calls from our team’s parents with “suggestions” for avoiding future such calamities. During those seasons the results of games played by elementary school students would dominate the lives of many families.
Parents of the less talented players would want to play the games for fun, while parents of the star players would want to play to win, which created friction in the stands. Leagues would often encourage even-handed roster deployment, and then publish results and standings in the newspaper and host formal trophy presentations at the end of March-Madness style playoff tournaments.
Basically, a lot of the focus on results was a waste of emotion and energy. Watching players grow and develop while building some lasting relationships was terrific. However, with a few exceptions, the best players can be identified by third grade and everyone else is playing for fun or to fulfill the expectations of a parent.
Baseball is most problematic. Because it’s impossible to have a good game without pitchers who can throw strikes, the best young athletes wind up on the mound. This creates a series of one-on-one confrontations where the top players are matched against average-or-worse players with predictable results.
At least in the lower levels of soccer and basketball it is possible to hide a weak or one-dimensional player and assign a role that can lead to some success. In baseball, everyone has to eventually step into the batter’s box and face the music.
If you’re just beginning in youth sports try to realistically assess the abilities of your son or daughter and get him or her into a sport that best meets their needs. If you have an older friend or neighbor with a sports background it doesn’t hurt to get an assessment that isn’t tied to wishful thinking or love. It’s great to be on a team and learn about sportsmanship and cooperation, and it’s even better if those lessons are learned in an environment where the child has at least a chance of performing well.
Then, go to the games, pull for your child and his or her team, and then have a post game snack and forget about the outcome. If your young child is obviously better than most then it’s certainly okay to pursue higher levels of play. Just understand that there is loads of attrition in youth sports and that if making a high school team is the focus a lot can happen between third grade and ninth grade.
And at all times try and model behavior that will make you proud years after the trophies tarnish and the mitts and cleats are relegated to the attic.
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